Falling for married co-worker...

[Anonymous]

First off, I would like to say that I would've made this most under my username, but I'm afraid of snooping employers (I'm kinda paranoid because I always hear stories of people getting in trouble for what they post on the internet lol). I'm going to try to supply as much info as possible about my situation and if anyone wants me to PM them so they can help me in private, I will write to you under my username. I just feel like this way is safer lol

Anyway, so I'm a 21 year old single bi woman. I have been working at this place for about 2 months only and I feel like I'm about to fall in love with one of my co-workers already! She's my age, married, and has a child. I have recently broken up with my boyfriend a
month ago and I think one of the reasons why I am falling for her is because the wound in my heart is still pretty fresh and open, so her affection ... I just gobble it up, you know what I mean? I don't know if she's bi too (but she's married, and that should be enough of a roadblock for me), but she's just one of those classic cases where you're not sure of they're just REALLY affectionate friendly people or if she likes me too, but doesn't push it too far where it "counts" as actually cheating or coming on to you. She texts me practically every day nonstop (and I actually don't mind), visits me at work for practically my entire shift even on days she doesn't work, always maintains serious eye contact with me (which I love; major turn on), always in my bubble, gives me lingering hugs where she practically caresses me when she lets go; she's practically inseperable from me.
So I guess what I'm asking for is help me understand this before I jump any guns and how do I keep myself from falling further without getting her out of my life? I still wanna keep her as a friend if this situation is still redeemable. I don't wanna have to hate going to work, too. Thanks!

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Always, always friendship first. Coffee, lunch, general chats etc. Don't jump the gun.

Also, workplace romances are notoriously difficult to maintain, especially if other co-workers get to know whats going on.

The big red flag for me however is that she is married, and has a child. That means she is in a committed relationship, no matter how much you may want (lust?) to be with her. Perhaps she is just lonley and looking for a co-worker to connect to.

ObW
x

[Rainbowmum]

She is married ,that puts her in the NGZ (no go zone.)
By all means be her friend but do not get your hopes up.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

She is married. If you touch her the acid of that will burn through your skin and expose your bone. Acid feels much like fire, but about ten times worse. On top of that your breasts will rot and fall off, then your nose will swell up and be as big as a grapefruit.

Don't date/mess with married people, its too dangerous....

OK, seriously none of that above will happen, but I do assure you that what will happen will most likely be far, far worse and leave huge scar damage on all parties concerned - in the heart.

Affairs never seem to stay a secret forever, eventually it comes out and the spouse gets upset, threatens divorce, to take the child(ren) and all of this other ugly stuff.

To make this all worse... you are currently in the position for rebound - big time. That never works out well either.

I strongly suggest you put a bit of distance between her and you - at least emotionally, physically if you can't manage emotional distance.

Six months from now the current heart ache you feel due to the break-up with the BF will be far less and you will have your head about you and be able to see how silly getting involved with a married person can be.

I know its hard and I know you are reading a lot in everything she does.

This is one of the moments that you need to check the beam in your own eye before observing the splinter in the eyes of another (yes a biblical reference).

I think you are seeing a lot more here than what is here. But you kinds sorta need 'more' with this because you are hurting.

I would refrain from coming out to her at this time. You may say things you may regret later. Give that at least 30 days - really think about it, think about your feelings and what it is you hope to accomplish with coming out to her.