Do I go for it or move on?
04-23-2013, 04:28 AM
So, I'm a 17 year old gay guy who about 2 months ago moved to a new school. I'm completely out and have friends already going to the school who knew I was gay, although it's sometimes a process explaining to new people I'm gay because I tend to come across as a very masculine, straight type of guy and a lot of my humor towards girls is often misinterpreted as flirting.
I noticed this guy in one of my classes, and didn't think too much at first. Then as the weeks went by and I got to meet him a little and become accustomed to the school, I started to take more of an interest in him. I'd start to notice that when I'd look up to look at him, our eyes would frequently meet from across the classroom, and even though a lot of times that can be accidental I felt as if something was there.
I asked one of his close friends who's a girl if he'd had much history of dating, explaining that I was gay and interested in him, and she said she was under the impression he was straight, although he'd never dated anyone and only spoke very occasionally here or there about liking girls. I try to avoid falling into reading to much into stereotypes, seeing as I'm a prime example of them not often being realistic at all, but I couldn't help but notice that ALL of his best friends were girls, and that there were pictures all over facebook of him hugging girls in a very platonic, best friends sort of way if that makes any sense? I mean I know that doesn't directly correlate to sexuality at all, but I did take notice of the fact that he hung out with girls at his house all the time even though he had no romantic interest in them supposedly, and didn't reciprocate that level of comfort with guys.
Over the weeks, I continued to notice a lot of eye contact from across the room and that "deer in the headlights" awkwardness that often comes with liking someone, although it could've just been on my end and being picked up by him as me being awkward. I started spending more time around him and got this very strong sense that whenever I'd speak he'd turn to stare directly at me and closely follow every word I said in ways most people often don't, or notice him laughing and smiling at things I'd say even if they weren't particularly funny. One time even I was hanging out with him and his friend and three or four times she mentioned something specific about him and he'd get very red in the face and turn away as if he wasn't paying attention, although he'd be smiling.
Given all of this, I felt very confident in my chances and was going to slowly over time breach the topic of me being gay to see how he reacted. I don't know why but I just had this gut feeling, unlike with guys in the past I had liked, that this was right and was real, if that makes sense at all. I always doubted myself in the past with trying to approach others, but this time I got this gut feeling that there was nothing to worry about or doubt. It wasn't until last Friday I had my confidence shaken a bit. We were all hanging out afterschool and someone started talking about the school softball team, and someone said "isn't that girl x on the team", which prompted the guy I like to turn to one of our friends and quietly say so that only the two of them were supposed to hear, "isn't that the one who's supposed to be super hot?". When the friend responded saying, "wait, you're saying she's hot?" he got very quiet and said "shhh well don't talk so loudly" or something like that. And then today the friend I talked about him with told me she had talked to him today and said some anonymous gay kid at our school had taken interest in him, just to see how he'd react. She was a little vague, but said he seemed very flustered and caught off guard, and responded hesitantly and as if he was somewhat weirded out by what she had told him.
I know this is a lot of information, but I genuinely don't know whether it's worth it to keep on pursuing this potentially at the expense of my emotional health, or prematurely give up to avoid running the risk of getting hurt from becoming too invested in something that doesn't work out. I really really like this guy, and until the last couple days felt unimaginably solid about my chances (a couple of my good friends who have known him for a long time agreed they thought the chances of it working out were better than normal, although that may've been just to make me feel better), but I honestly no longer know what to do. Has anyone been through this before or something similar who'd like to give me a hand?
I noticed this guy in one of my classes, and didn't think too much at first. Then as the weeks went by and I got to meet him a little and become accustomed to the school, I started to take more of an interest in him. I'd start to notice that when I'd look up to look at him, our eyes would frequently meet from across the classroom, and even though a lot of times that can be accidental I felt as if something was there.
I asked one of his close friends who's a girl if he'd had much history of dating, explaining that I was gay and interested in him, and she said she was under the impression he was straight, although he'd never dated anyone and only spoke very occasionally here or there about liking girls. I try to avoid falling into reading to much into stereotypes, seeing as I'm a prime example of them not often being realistic at all, but I couldn't help but notice that ALL of his best friends were girls, and that there were pictures all over facebook of him hugging girls in a very platonic, best friends sort of way if that makes any sense? I mean I know that doesn't directly correlate to sexuality at all, but I did take notice of the fact that he hung out with girls at his house all the time even though he had no romantic interest in them supposedly, and didn't reciprocate that level of comfort with guys.
Over the weeks, I continued to notice a lot of eye contact from across the room and that "deer in the headlights" awkwardness that often comes with liking someone, although it could've just been on my end and being picked up by him as me being awkward. I started spending more time around him and got this very strong sense that whenever I'd speak he'd turn to stare directly at me and closely follow every word I said in ways most people often don't, or notice him laughing and smiling at things I'd say even if they weren't particularly funny. One time even I was hanging out with him and his friend and three or four times she mentioned something specific about him and he'd get very red in the face and turn away as if he wasn't paying attention, although he'd be smiling.
Given all of this, I felt very confident in my chances and was going to slowly over time breach the topic of me being gay to see how he reacted. I don't know why but I just had this gut feeling, unlike with guys in the past I had liked, that this was right and was real, if that makes sense at all. I always doubted myself in the past with trying to approach others, but this time I got this gut feeling that there was nothing to worry about or doubt. It wasn't until last Friday I had my confidence shaken a bit. We were all hanging out afterschool and someone started talking about the school softball team, and someone said "isn't that girl x on the team", which prompted the guy I like to turn to one of our friends and quietly say so that only the two of them were supposed to hear, "isn't that the one who's supposed to be super hot?". When the friend responded saying, "wait, you're saying she's hot?" he got very quiet and said "shhh well don't talk so loudly" or something like that. And then today the friend I talked about him with told me she had talked to him today and said some anonymous gay kid at our school had taken interest in him, just to see how he'd react. She was a little vague, but said he seemed very flustered and caught off guard, and responded hesitantly and as if he was somewhat weirded out by what she had told him.
I know this is a lot of information, but I genuinely don't know whether it's worth it to keep on pursuing this potentially at the expense of my emotional health, or prematurely give up to avoid running the risk of getting hurt from becoming too invested in something that doesn't work out. I really really like this guy, and until the last couple days felt unimaginably solid about my chances (a couple of my good friends who have known him for a long time agreed they thought the chances of it working out were better than normal, although that may've been just to make me feel better), but I honestly no longer know what to do. Has anyone been through this before or something similar who'd like to give me a hand?
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