How do I move on from this?

[mnguy]

I was seeing this guy. I thought things were going well I knew him for 6 months. I last saw him on New Years Eve night as I was with him in his apt.

I texted and called him various times between that Thursday and Friday, and finally just gave up/

Needless to say I am heart broken, and it has killed my self-esteem.

I know he has purposely ignored my calls and texts for a fact.

I just want to know if I was the problem :'(

Since he is ignoring my calls and texts, I plan to go to his apartment next Monday. I just need some closure to move on. Is it wrong to go looking for answers at his apt, even though he is ignoring my calls and texts?

[Yosuke]

Hey mnguy,

It sounds like you've had an experience a lot of us have had. I've had the same experience. Not a six month 'relationship' necessarily, but I've been in a situation where I've seen a guy and have had him just stop texting and contacting me.

I definitely would not show up at his apartment next Monday, unless you have possessions that you need or want to collect from him. If that's the case, he has no right to keep them. But if not, then you may want to give him his space.

And judging from what you've written, I don't think you were the problem. A guy (or any person) who doesn't have the courage to break up with their S.O. in person, or to at least explain a loss of interest, has some serious issues. It was cruel and inconsiderate of him to do what he did.

Hang in there! I've had some serious self-esteem crushing moments, and they don't get easier, but just realize that if he ended it the way he did, he's the one with a problem, not you.

[Iceblink]

So many have this "closure" idea in these situations, but rarely does anyone get the closure they are looking for in confronting the person. If he says he has met someone else, you leave feeling bitter and angry. If he says he is not interested, you leave feeling rejected. If he says he doesn't have time for a relationship right now, you leave feeling unimportant. If he gives you the standard, cagey "it's not you, it's me" line, you leave feeling as confused as you are now. Believe me, what he tells you is almost certainly going to be along the lines of one of those scenarios I just described. Those are the dating break-up basics in short term relationships. Move on. You are the only one that give yourself closure.

[Borg69]

He just doesn't have the balls to tell you he's an insensitive, self centered, jerk that doesn't deserve you.

[JackTX]

I agree with [MENTION=20912]Iceblink[/MENTION]. You may never find out what the problem was but the bottom line is that this relationship will not work with only one person interested and communicating.

Your next step should likely be accepting this situation and accepting that he was not the right one for you, whatever the reason. Then the obvious thing to do is to move forward and upward.

You could leave him a letter saying how you feel and asking what happened but I also think the answer may not make you feel any better.

Whatever you do, don't let it make you paranoid. Even if you did something to piss him off, he still should have the common decency to break up in a normal fashion. The failure is on him.

[Virge]

I agree with [MENTION=21947]JackBoneTX[/MENTION] and [MENTION=20912]Iceblink[/MENTION]. No one can improve on that advice.

[Rareboy]

^ I agree with this.

I'll bet a lot of us have been through this....and if there wasn't any event or indication on New Years that you can pinpoint....then you might just need to accept that for him, the relationship had run its course and that he needs to move on. New Year's could have been a turning point for him in his own head.

So yeah. It is him. Not you.

He's the douchebag here for not even having the guts or decency to talk to you about this....if indeed there isn't some other reason that he hasn't responded to your calls....like being in a coma in ICU.

And while it sounds glib...because you're hurting right now....better that it should be after 6 months than if he did this after 6 years.

Take the good memories.....and all the positive things you learned about yourself and relationships and put them to use in your next relationship.

[SHOman93]

mnguy,

You might feel this is kinda strange coming from a guy much younger than you, but here's my opinion. If You hung out with him, and didn't really do anything to make him wanna break up, and he randomly stops talking to you, it's his problem. Maybe he's confused on what he wants and all of a sudden it hit him like a brick wall? You'll never really know what's going through his mind.

Take it as you may, but I wouldn't stop by his house. Give him some space. Something like that might look clingy to the wrong people. And personally, I wouldn't be against leaving a nice letter though. You know, something like, "Hey, whatever status our relationship is at right now, I just want you to know I'm still here. If you wanna talk, just let me know. I'll give you some space, yada, yada."

I wish the best for you <3

[TwisttheLeaf]

Hey man. I agree with what the others have said. Closure.... sometimes it's a pipe dream yeah? Sometimes you have to create it for yourself, rather than depending on someone else to create it for you.

Don't use the excuse of "I left my toothbrush there" to head over there and confront him. If you left something -important- there, that's one thing. But if it's something trivial, it's just an excuse to see him, yeah? Just as closure is, in all honesty, an excuse to see him again.

The truth is, chasing closure in these type of situations is more often than not is going to get you hurt worse than you already are, not resolve anything for you.

He doesn't even have the courtesy to respond to a text, yeah?

IMO, I would write him off as a dick who couldn't handle his own crap (including the responsibility to be courteous).

[meridannight]

maybe let it go? that he hasn't answered your calls sends a pretty obvious message on its own.