Sexually frustrated

[MisterLove]

I'm really starting to think the problem is with me or something I'm doing or not doing. We were trying just a bit ago and he got to going in just a little too fast and when I told him to slow down and back off a bit he immediately lost his erection!! I tried my best not to let it bother me but it's just frustrating. And I know it's frustrating for him too cause I can see it in his expressions and hear it in his voice.

Sweetie, just relax! There's nothing wrong with you or your boyfriend. It's just adrenaline playing its trick on you and, like I said, that's a perfectly normal biological reaction. You just need to learn how to control it. It will take some time and A LOT of patience but you will get there.

Do some research on the 'fight or flight response'. When you get too anxious, adrenaline and other chemicals in your body will constrict peripheral circulation so that blood can get to your vital organs (heart, lungs) more rapidly. The penis is not a vital organ and the last thing you need when you're facing a stressful or dangerous situation (e.g. escaping a lion) is an erection.

There are prescription drugs that can block the negative effects of adrenaline (some alpha blockers, such as phentolamine or alfuzosin, can decrease sympathetic activity in the penis) and improve sexual performance. Ask your doctor (urologist) about it but I'm sure you won't need any of that.

A much healthier and safer option is the 'sensate focus technique'. Therapists love it. Just forget penetration for a while, focus on other aspects of your sexuality (kissing, carressing) and slowly progress towards penetration. Sex is much more than penetration and a relationship is much more than sex.

In my case, whenever an erection failure happened, I would a spend a long period of time without having any sex. This allowed me to take it off my mind and decrease my anxiety levels. Today, I just don't care. I still lose my erection every now and then but it doesn't bother me anymore.

I'd say it took me one to two years since I started doing my research to overcome my anxiety issues but I got there. Sex is no longer a problem, it's just fun. And if I can do it, anyone can!

Another tip I forgot to mention: make sure your boyfriend isn't taking any medication that may be causing this. Here's a list of drugs that can cause ED: http://webmd.com/erectile-dysfunction/gu...ysfunction

Good luck, Honey! I wish you two all the best!