hey guys i have a question. a gay friend of mine says that the majority of the people who hes been with are people who say are straight. is this true? is it common for straight guys to try and hook up with gay on the dl?
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They're likely deep in the closet, bi, in denail or curious in some form.
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ugh....friggin' closet cases I know them well. I see a lot of personal ads, and have even been propositioned a couple of times by men who want to "hook up and have a little fun" but are "totally not gay or into any queer stuff"
Always makes me wonder who they think they're fooling? (obvious rhetorical question BTW)
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Unless there's a lot of unethical use of alcohol (or experimentation of youth) involved then I doubt it. A great many men love to say they can change the orientations (either momentarily or permanently) of either straight men or lesbians, but I'm extremely skeptical.
Now I can believe many closeted men claim to be straight who love to fool around with guys. After all calling a man "gay" is to them what calling a woman "slut" is to women (which not only hurts but can actually interfere with a person's ability to survive as well as be treated decently in the community, or even protected from violence the way others are), which means no matter how much it might actually apply to them they will usually do all they can to keep people from calling them that, maybe even to think of themselves that way. But such men aren't really straight, it's false advertisement, so I don't count them...not even if they're married with kids.
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This is the thread where I realized why the terms "gay" and "straight" have so little meaning.
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it is possible for people of any sexuality to want to experiment
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The straight men I've had encounters with and the ones who have had encounters with people I know, without exception seem to get a blow job or a hand job out of the situation and offer nothing in return. There are cultures where it's not considered gay to fuck another man, the gay one is the receptive partner and treated as the deviant, despite the fact that he's the one who's being and doing what he enjoys without pretending to be something else. The straight man's the deviant, he's claiming to be one thing and practicing another.
There would seem to be many straight men out there who really don't much care where or how they get their sex. It's the women I feel sorry for, they probably don't fare much better with such men but are likely to marry one of them.
There is every prospect your friend is being used (repeatedly). If he's comfortable with this, fine but it probably doesn't bode well if he's looking for commitment.
Naturally, the experiences on which this view is based may be unique to me. Your friend's experiences may be wholesome and fulfilling.
It might be too much of a generalisation but I suspect no straight man has sex with a gay man out of any sense of respect or honour. I doubt, too, that many or indeed any of these straight men is ever the receptive partner.
You've phrased your question in a completely non-judgmental way, cleverly tricking people like me to be exactly the opposite. Being non-judgmental is an excellent characteristic to have in a friend, so don't let my view colour your attitude, consider it for illustration only.
The short answer to your actual question is yes.
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It's common for guys who identify as straight to hook up on the dl. That doesn't mean they are actually straight.
These guys are at least curious, maybe confused, and more than likely sexually repressed.
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