Alone, but Content.

[Avery]

I think the title of this thread somehow sums up how I'm feeling now. Funny thing is, it was only a few days ago that I could have described myself differently. Friday night, I would have called this thread "Alone, Exhausted, and Unhappy." But those three words wouldn't have simply described that one night. They would have been the perfect application of the feelings that I have felt for years now. Alone, because though I have great friends and a truly inspiring family, I still felt incredibly alone and would have told you in a heartbeat that not a soul on this earth understands who I truly am. Exhausted, because at one point I used to be able to fight my bad days, tooth and nail. I used to be able to push away every negative emotion, and falsely fill my head with happy thoughts, telling myself that I wouldn't let life get me down. Truth comes in two parts here. One, when you push things in life away, you only prolong the inevitable and at some point you'll need your strength to defeat these feelings. Two, life isn't what was getting me down, lol. My outlook ON life, was getting me down. So yes, exhausted fits perfectly here, because at some point all that strength that at one point I seemed so filled with, ebbed away. When it came time for the past to rear it's ugly head, it took everything I had to push it away again, because in my mind, there was no possibility of me being strong enough to defeat them. I spent my days searching for what little strength I had left, fighting for every breath, until I was finally worn down. I was running on fumes. And as for Unhappy, well, I think after reading the first two words to describe my days, the obviousness of why I was unhappy was very clear.
You see, in my head, then and now, I felt as though I was owed so much more. I loved my family and my friends with all my heart, and more often than not found myself being strong for them instead of using my strength for my own pain. I try with every fiber of my being to be a good person, simply to prove that I'm worth something. To me, growing up from fairy tales to romance novels, all you had to do was be worth those amazing love stories to have one yourself. So I decided to make myself worthy of the man that I felt and still feel I will one day fall in love with. I want to prove to the person that finally understands me and takes away my loneliness, that I'm worth the effort. I want to show the man who gives me strength to make it through the day, that I deserve his love. Most of all, I want the man who finally makes me feel happy to be proud of the man he's fallen in love with.
But what I didn't realize is, that I was being highly impatient lol. I was working my ever loving ass of to be this amazing one of a kind person, and for the life of me I just couldn't understand why meeting him was taking so long. You'll have to understand. It wasn't out of greed that I wanted to meet him sooner rather than later, rather it was out of fear. I was convinced that I wouldn't hold up for very much longer. In fact, Friday night I voiced that opinion openly, telling my mother how worried I was that I might not be able to keep fighting so hard for much longer. It's almost funny to me now, as I think about it. Because as you might have guessed, a lot has changed in just two nights. Though, nothing life changing.
I'm still single. I'm still waiting. I'm still proving to the world, and to this unexisting man, that I'm worth his love. I'm still fighting for everyday. I don't think any of that will go away, until I meet him and my world just falls into place.
But I'm finally changing my outlook on life. I look now at my age. I'm 19 years old, for Christ's sake, lol. How many fairy tales have you read where Prince Charming sweeps the TEENAGER off his feet? I think it's funny, that I've been expecting so much so soon.
Truth is, I haven't been fighting for that long. Ad I haven't been fighting for nearly as long as some people in this world. Not only that, but I haven't even waited thr long. Love became important to me around 16. So for 3 years, I've waited, when some people wait their entire lives. I was being so selfish, and so childish.
Because now I know. Now I have something to look forward to, instead of something I simply wished I had. I WILL find my Prince Charming. And I WILL be worth his love. He will put together the puzzle pieces of my life so permanently that I will resemble a painting, where each brush stroke was measured and weighed heavily. Now I know that while I wait, my heart only longs for him more, and that when he comes, I'll only have that much more love to give.
So goodbye, exhausted and unhappy. For while I still may be alone, I am finally, content.

[Counselor]

Oh, crap.

Now that you know the secret, they will flock to you... Good job, but be prepared to tell insecure men that see your independence as strength and salvation that you can't be with them.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

You will be alone, until you least expect it.

Its always the way

ObW
X

[Rainbowmum]

[MisterTinkles]

Not to be a downer, but Ive been alone all my life, with the exception of my small amount of friends.

Yes, Ive had a very few boyfriends...I can count them all on one hand. But nobody long lasting.

Too many people play mind games, and will never find happiness because of that. And they have to drag others down with them by being players, haters, users, and abusers.

Ive heard all the rhetoric a thousand times over....

"It will happen when you arent looking"
"It will happen when you least expect it"
"He's out there somewhere"
"waiting is the hardest part"




From my experiences, its all about your location. Where you are at, physically.
Big cities are the worst, unless you are just looking for something short term or just sex, its ok.
Moderate cities are a little better, but it also matters on location of the city itself.
Large towns are better. These people are more geared towards being happy at home, so they would make better love interests than anyone from a big city.
Small towns arent so much. Unless you want to be a hermit, small towns are a no no.

This is the majority of what I have seen, not the whole. Some people do find real love in the big city, but not too often.

You could be one of the lucky ones. Who knows.

[Rosie]

I am thrilled that you have decided to change your outlook on life Avery. I have had three relationships in my life, each lasting upwards of a year. The first was as a 17 year old, the second was not until I was 26, and the third is now my wife. I had flings here and there, but these were the only relationships. The thing is, between the ages of 18 and 25 I had so much fun being single! I traveled, I made wonderful friendships with others who were content to be single, and I learned a lot about myself - I wouldn't have changed my experiences for the world. So as a singleton try to have the experiences that you want to have, you're single so it's okay to be selfish.

[Evan88]

I agree with OBW, love comes when you least expect it.

It comes when you're already complete as a person, when you do not need anyone to complete you. And just to say, you are not alone, you have friends and family. The moment you say you are "alone", it already implies that you are unhappy, you need someone to complete you. Like what i have said, you have family and friends, mingle with them, enjoy your life with them, because when true love comes, for sure you will spend lesser time with them. Just go on with your life, explore it! You'll never know you would come across with HIM when you pursue your hobbies and ambitions in life.

[Udabar]

I hate being alone, but in the end it is totally worth it. I dont have to worry about someone elses emotions, their mess, them wanting to do something when you want to just relax. You can do what you want when you want without someone all up in your stuff. There is no checking in with anyone if you and your friends decide to stay out late. It's a great things not having all this stuff to worry about.

I know that it is nice to have someone to hold at the end of a rough work day and talk to about how your crappy day was. I personally love to cook for someone else. I like to get in the kitchen and just start cooking dinner while they sit on the other side of the counter and we talk. (I dont like anyone else in my kitchen when I am cooking.)

They each have their pro's and their con's. Being alone sure does have it's pro's more than con's though.

[trent69]

Mate, I absolutely agree 100% with this!!

Not to be a downer, but Ive been alone all my life, with the exception of my small amount of friends.

Yes, Ive had a very few boyfriends...I can count them all on one hand. But nobody long lasting.

Too many people play mind games, and will never find happiness because of that. And they have to drag others down with them by being players, haters, users, and abusers.

Ive heard all the rhetoric a thousand times over....

"It will happen when you arent looking"
"It will happen when you least expect it"
"He's out there somewhere"
"waiting is the hardest part"




From my experiences, its all about your location. Where you are at, physically.
Big cities are the worst, unless you are just looking for something short term or just sex, its ok.
Moderate cities are a little better, but it also matters on location of the city itself.
Large towns are better. These people are more geared towards being happy at home, so they would make better love interests than anyone from a big city.
Small towns arent so much. Unless you want to be a hermit, small towns are a no no.

This is the majority of what I have seen, not the whole. Some people do find real love in the big city, but not too often.

You could be one of the lucky ones. Who knows.