Online flirting?

[archubbycub]

So there is this guy online who has been sending me messages on an app that I have on my phone. Some of them have been rather innocent. "Hey how are you?" "What's up?" Stuff like that. But some of them have been not quite so innocent. Like "what kind of underwear are you wearing" "are you naked" and even telling me he's jacking off. And I will admit that I have answered a few of the not so innocent questions and asked them back. The ones like what kind of underwear are you wearing. But it's really starting to bother me because 1) I'm in a committed relationship right now and really love the guy I'm with and don't want to do anything to hurt that relationship and 2) the questions and comments are goin way beyond just innocent talk and even flirting. On the other hand, I don't want to hurt this online guys feelings because other than these questions and comments, he seems rather nice. Any advice on this?

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Block him or get rid of the phone app. Really no other way around it unless your direct with him. By indulging him, your giving him the sign its ok to continue.

Think of it another way. If you current partner found your phone and read the chat messages, what would he think?

ObW
X

[SolemnBoy]

I highly doubt people who flirt with others online using apps would have their feelings hurt by someone deciding not to continue with it. Tell him you're in a relationship and that you don't want to talk anymore.

You weren't being very specific about what kind of app it is, but if it's used for dating or hookups you should remove it right away. If your partner found out, HIS feelings would be very much at stake.

[archubbycub]

The app was tumblr so no it was not a hookup app. I've deleted it from my phone but I will have to wait until I get home to delete my account because I can't access those functions on my phone. Thanks for the advice y'all.

Update: I was able to delete my account on my phone after all so that's done. I just don't know if I should say anything to my boyfriend or not.

[LateBloomer]

I'm just gonna vent because I've had a cup of coffee and I'm feeling hyper.

If you're in a committed relationship, your PARTNER'S needs and feelings come BEFORE some anonymous whore on a cell phone app.

Your job is to PROTECT your primary relationship, not put it in jeopardy because you're worried about hurting someone else's feelings.

I'm sorry, but this just hit a little TOO CLOSE to home for me.

Have a little backbone and stand up and say THANKS, BUT NO THANKS.

[archubbycub]

Sorry to hit a nerve. I know I was in the wrong by "flirting back" which is why I deleted both the app and my account. Flirting was not the reason I started the account or even why I started TALKING to the guy on it. Deep down I knew I needed to put a stop to the flirting. I was just looking for a little advice on how tondo so. Again, sorry that I struck a nerve.

[archubbycub]

Again my question remains. Should I say something to my boyfriend about this or not? I want to be open and honest with him but at the same time I don't want to hurt his feelings.

[Armandork]

This is up to you, but for the sake of keeping an honest and healthy relationship I reccomend it.

[Pix]

Again my question remains. Should I say something to my boyfriend about this or not? I want to be open and honest with him but at the same time I don't want to hurt his feelings.

I'd say only because it's bothering you. Shouldn't be a big deal, however, just a casual, "I got rid of my tumblr because some guy kept asking me about my undies and announcing when he was jacking off. I tried being polite about it but he just kept pushing farther, so I got rid of the whole thing. Freak." If he has a meltdown over it then he has some raging insecurities to deal with, especially as you already got rid of the app.

Lots of guys like to "flash" like that online. I'm surprised that this seems surprising to you.

ETA: I should point out that I have no real idea what you mean by "asked them back." At first I presumed it was like, "No, I'm not naked, are you?" And more in the spirit of "what a strange question" not "let's get the other to jack off." In some ways you feel female to me in that you didn't want to hurt the feelings of a guy sexually harassing you and that's how I took it. But if you not only just threw the question back at him but then took the lead in asking new ones then it becomes problematic, and you're right to feel guilty. Still, at least you did the right thing in the end before it went any further.

Should you actually be guilty as opposed to "not being rude" then coming clean becomes more problematic. On one hand there should be no need for him to know how you strayed, you did the right thing in the end (and hopefully learned from it, becoming a better person) and you shouldn't punish him along with yourself. OTOH, if the guilt is going to eat you alive then I suppose you have no choice to come clean...while part of me think your coming clean is about making yourself feel better than doing the right thing there's also the possibility that your guilt could cut you off from him and then he'll wonder what he did rather than what you did, and in that case he deserves to know it's you, not him.

[Mirage]

Not to sound accusatory or rude....but if it bothered you so much...why did you respond to his pervy questions and asked some of your own in the first place?