My boyfriend says he spent a summer going to gay bars - a few years ago - because he "was having bad luck with relationships with women" and thought maybe he didn't know himself after all. Quite a few people have thought he was gay before - I guess based on his mannerisms (which aren't overtly feminine, but I can see where people are coming from). Anyway, he has never hooked up with another man and said he decided he wasn't interested at all once he checked out the gay bars for awhile.
We have a good sex life. He seems to be turned on by me, etc. He's very honest about things and volunteered all of that information out of the blue. Do you think he knows for sure he's straight? Should I be worried?
Thank you so much for your help!
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My take (be forewarned, I'm kind of dumb about these things):
You shouldn't be worried. I think it's very healthy and productive that he took some time to explore the possibilities of his sexuality. If he was gay then he would've come to that conclusion considering he put in the effort to figure it out. I'd be more worried about the guy who adamantly swears he's not gay and never questioned his potential attraction to men.
You have a good sex life? He seems attracted to you? Then that's all you need to know.
After all is said and done, is there still a chance that he is indeed gay? Sure. But there's also a chance that a polka dot unicorn army in top hats might rise out of Tennessee and claim world dominion. But what's the point of about it? If you dig him, then trust that he's being honest with you, since he has in fact been so honest with you. Know what I mean?
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from what you said not an issue.
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I agree with Pellaz. If your bf shared that out of the blue, I guess he feels very trusting of you, your communication together, and your relationship. He may still have some sexual curiosity. You might want to check in with him about that from time to time. Not from a fearful place, but just as a way to keep that line of communication open. That level of honesty is a real gift.
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My Magic 8 ball said:
It is decidedly so
So I guess that means yes. Sorry....
Honestly, if he went out to gay bars, never hooked up with a guy and has decided that gay isn't his way of life, then he is most likely not gay.
It is reasonable that he would seek other answers for problems. His story is reasonable and it appears he wants an honest, open relationship with you and felt that you needed to know this about him.
Most likely he is trying to say that he is pretty certain about his feelings here, it wasn't meant to worry you, it was meant to assure you.
Its nice he opened up to you... I think that 20-somethings are far more in touch with their feelings this century than back in my day (mid to late 20th Century, we were all brutes back then).
Which may also explain why people think he is more gay. He may simply be a sensitive fella with no real interest in guys. Sensitive, metro-sexual - its all good.
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Congratulations on the brave and open-minded boyfriend!
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Thanks for the thoughtful answers, everyone! I agree. I appreciate the open-mindedness about sexuality and honesty on his part. Good point that it's a monogamous relationship that he chose with me. Your answers helped me realize that really any stress/fearfulness are easily resolved by simply talking about it with him a bit more. And, really, I can't pin down any significant other to never change. I'll just appreciate his honesty. Thanks again for your time and thoughtfulness!
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Do not let his past ruin you current relationship.
Honestly from what you have told here ,there seems to be no issue and it sounds like he was just curious .
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YES HE IS
Oh wait maybe he's not
Sorry I just wanted to grab your attention.
He sounds like me when I was in my early 20's.
I didn't really know what my sexuality was at the time. I was attracted to women and men and it was a very confusing thing for me. In the end I learned I was bisexual, and I am very comfortable with that now.
I want to stress though that in my mind if he is bisexual is less important than if he is committed to you.
If he is committed to you it really shouldn't matter if he likes guys too because you'll be first in his mind.
Richard
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