Anxiety

[elad12]

So, I have been dealing with anxiety for a few years. It just showed up one day. An example of how anxiety enters my life is: Say I plan to go to visit my nephew in another state. I am totally into it. I plan the whole trip. I make reservations for flight and rent a car. I am excited as can be and really looking forward to the trip. I go to bed and wake up the next morning in a complete panic, total anxiety attack. The only way it will go away is to get on the phone and cancel the trip, cancel the airline flight, cancel the rental car, cancel everything. Even if I loose all the money from the flight, it's worth it to me just to get rid of the feelings I wake up with. After that I just go along and pretty much don't have much of a life until I forget it all and plan another trip and the same thing happens. This went on for several years and then I finally got on a medication called citalopram. I tried not to have to take a drug but finally gave in. The thing is that it works great! No side effects other then it seemed to affect my sex drive some, which was no big deal because I wasn't having sex anyway.

Then in December I came out. I had enough sex drive to want to meet someone and to have a sexual relationship again. I did meet someone, someone who aroused me sexually and when we did finally get to that point, without going into detail I was able to get aroused but not quite to the point I would have liked to reach. I decided to cut my dose in half and see if that helped. After a couple weeks I had another major anxiety period so went back to the dose I was on before and after a few weeks am not having the anxiety/depression anymore. The bad news is that I also have no desire for sex or even any affection or cuddling. All things I wanted a month or so ago. I put off telling my boyfriend, hoping those desires would come back, but they just aren't there. I finally told him on the phone tonight (we are 200 miles apart). Anyway, I think that's the end of that. I mean, I think we will still be friends but......I can't blame him if he wants to look elsewhere. I just wish I didn't have this in my life. In the end I think I'm okay with just being a gay man with no sex. I mean I've spent the last 40 years without having sex with another man. If I have to give up sex in order to not feel that anxiety, I think it's worth it.

I don't know that I'm really looking for advice. I think I just want someone to agree with me and tell me it's okay.

[Wade]

I agree with you and it's okay.

That situation really sucks. I wish I had some useful advice to give, but you know your body and its needs better than anyone. As a person who deals with anxiety on and off myself I can understand why you choose peace over sex. But I wouldn't discount your boyfriend so quickly. He may be more willing to stick around than you think.

Have you considered talking about these side effects with a doctor? Perhaps there's another solution; a different drug perhaps?

I hope everything works out.

[Counselor]

Anxiety is normal. There is nothing wrong with learning how to cope with something you only recently came to terms with and:

Have you considered talking about these side effects with a doctor? Perhaps there's another solution; a different drug perhaps?

PLEASE do this before adjusting your dosages. Citalopram works fast, and leaves your system fast, and the side effects of sudden changes in dosage are not always pleasant.

[Nick9]

Hi elad,
I have never experienced so bad attacks that I would consider taking medicine, but I know how anxiety starts and how easily it can cause a long-time illness. Maybe if I did ask for pills years ago, I wouldn't have to fight physical problems I have been fighting.
So, from that point of view, I think it is good that you asked for help and for the pills prescription.

Maybe you could ask your doctor to change the pills though? If you google Citalopram and sex drive, you'll get a lot of results. Maybe you could discuss some alternative with your doctor and let your friend know that you are working on it.

[Beau]

I also know what you are going through Elad. I've been on Citalopram and was still on it when I met my boyfriend. Needless to say it effected my sex drive once our relationship moved to the point of intimacy. I was able to ween myself off of the meds over the course of a couple weeks but it wasn't easy. (There is withdrawal effects when quitting the stuff and it's not pleasant.) Even after quitting the Citalopram the symptoms persisted for weeks. Both staying hard and reaching orgasm even though the sex was amazing. (My poor boyfriend kept asking if he was doing something wrong.) It wasn't until I was off it for like a month before my normal sex drive returned.


Fortunately I haven't had any more panic attacks. Hopefully I never will.

[elad12]

Thanks. Citolopram works by increasing the serotonin levels, which seems to work the best in my case but unfortunately all medications with this benefit also have that side effect. Every time I try to wean off I have the same experience. I will talk to my doctor again though, see what options I have. Life just sucks sometimes. Part of me hates the anxiety so much I just want to be free of it and am willing to forgo sex to keep it out of my life. As for the boyfriend, we both are at a place where we are making some life changing moves. I'm considering retiring. He's needs to leave his job and wants to move. One option was to move here. Add my anxiety problems to that and I think at this point we need to step back anyway.

[Nick9]

Has your doctor also suggested some therapy? How to fight the attack when you feel like it's coming?