I’m from China, and I’m thrilled to have joined GaySpeak, where I could make some friends and share my joys and worries. I like GaySpeak, because it is clean. By “cleanâ€Â, I mean it is like not some other forums that are full of people seeking one-night stands.
Being gay is such a burden for me. I’m still in the closet, and have no plan to come out ever. It doesn’t mean coming out will put myself into danger or anything. As a matter of fact, all of my friends are tolerant of gay people. It is my parents whom I can never tell. They are so conservative and traditional that they will never understand why a man could be attracted to another man. I don’t want to break their hearts, but my heart is torn up whenever I think about the situation.
Does anyone face the same problem as I do now?
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
•
Posts: 9,477
Threads: 267
Joined: Apr 2012
Reputation:
2
I'm a : Single Gay Man
Starsign:  Scorpio
Mood: None
Welcome to GS.  it was the hardest thing in the world to tell my parents but they accepted it.
An eye for an eye
•
Hello and welcome to the forum!
I really don't think staying in the closet forever is a good idea. In my opinion it's best to tell your parents as well, but if you decide that's out of the question, then at least open up to your friends. Don't let homophobia stand in the way of your happiness
•
Hello and 
•
Posts: 835
Threads: 24
Joined: Apr 2013
Reputation:
0
Mood: None
My parents...are also very traditional.....I'm Cantonese by the way. Anyways, I'm 17 , and a few days ago, I had told my siblings about myself...sadly, they were in total shock and had called my mother. My siblings and mother were almost heartbroken...appeanrtly my siblings cried all night( they're in hong kong atm) , and my mother ( who I kinda told her in a heat of a moment when I was 15, and pretended that the conversation never happened) was also very upset....just like what you had assumed, they think it's a choice.
The thing is, my siblings are your age so it's rather strange that my siblings held such traditional views.... Just like you, I don't think I will dare to tell my father( my father is 59..mother 54) because I'm scared he'll get some sort of stroke. You do realize you don't have to be out to everyone...you can just start off being out to your friends.
I know you care about your parents and you're worried causing them heartache, but would you rather spend your whole life alone( or until they're dead) ? And even if they're dead, wouldn't you regret about not telling them? Not knowing how they truly feel?
•
HomelessJake Wrote::flirty-greetings-sm
Being gay is such a burden for me. I’m still in the closet, and have no plan to come out ever. It doesn’t mean coming out will put myself into danger or anything. As a matter of fact, all of my friends are tolerant of gay people. It is my parents whom I can never tell. They are so conservative and traditional that they will never understand why a man could be attracted to another man. I don’t want to break their hearts, but my heart is torn up whenever I think about the situation.
Does anyone face the same problem as I do now?
Sort of. I haven't told my mother I am gay yet, because I don't want to be a burden. Yet, I'm resolving this inner conflict by realising that I want her to know everything about me, and be a part of my life for forever in whichever direction it takes, because she literally had the "I'd love still love you if you were gay" talk with me, and someone that loving deserves to know.
Now you, you have traditional parents. I guess your parents are a little more like my dad, who I lived for for much of my life. Not a nice man, and for a long time, I felt like you, I could never come out because it was dangerous, I'd be homeless, shunned, not loved, etc. . . . .
But my parents don't own me. I deserve to live my life, and so do you. Living with my dad, I didn't envision coming out until my late 20s, when I had total independence, but I was going to do it, for me. Because I knew that love would have been accepting me, not shunning me, and so I got over my guilt in that regard.
Likewise, your parents DON'T define you. Someday, THEY WILL BE GONE, and you should plan your life. You will miss out on a lose of stuff when you realise at 50, when they're gone, that you have 40 some years to catch up on. Why don't you make some plans? Think about how you might live a life apart from your parents, be independent. Think about what you might be missing out on if you never come out, versus if you do.
Oh, and welcome to GS  .
•
Thank you!
Dan1980 Wrote:Welcome to GS. it was the hardest thing in the world to tell my parents but they accepted it.
•
It is absolutely not a good idea, but I'd rather be run over by a car than tell my parents.
SolemnBoy Wrote:Hello and welcome to the forum!
I really don't think staying in the closet forever is a good idea. In my opinion it's best to tell your parents as well, but if you decide that's out of the question, then at least open up to your friends. Don't let homophobia stand in the way of your happiness
•
Thank you very much!
Rainbowmum Wrote:Hello and
•
I think your family don't accept the fact because they love you and don't want you to get hurt, given the high AIDS infection rate and the unstable relationship among gay people. Probably they think you are too young to make such kind of decision. It takes time for them to understand.
stranger221 Wrote:My parents...are also very traditional.....I'm Cantonese by the way. Anyways, I'm 17 , and a few days ago, I had told my siblings about myself...sadly, they were in total shock and had called my mother. My siblings and mother were almost heartbroken...appeanrtly my siblings cried all night( they're in hong kong atm) , and my mother ( who I kinda told her in a heat of a moment when I was 15, and pretended that the conversation never happened) was also very upset....just like what you had assumed, they think it's a choice.
The thing is, my siblings are your age so it's rather strange that my siblings held such traditional views.... Just like you, I don't think I will dare to tell my father( my father is 59..mother 54) because I'm scared he'll get some sort of stroke. You do realize you don't have to be out to everyone...you can just start off being out to your friends.
I know you care about your parents and you're worried causing them heartache, but would you rather spend your whole life alone( or until they're dead) ? And even if they're dead, wouldn't you regret about not telling them? Not knowing how they truly feel?
•
|
