it,s being long since I don´t write in the forum, but today I need your advise, I have been with my BF for the last 8 months with our ups and down but we have survived after all, I give me a last opportunity since our last fall down. Yesterday we were returning from a trip to Paris, we had a really great time, in the way back we were really tired, he was feeling sick so I spent the trip back sleeping and listening music and he also sleept int he train, at the end he turned and told me I was ignoring him when he never call me or say something to me, he left the train and that´s it.
While we were in Paris, he was texting his friends what we were doing and that really bothers me but I didnt say anything, I rather to let go. I love this guy, it has a beautiful heart, is very attentive, demand a lot of attention and I feel he is overwhelming, we spend great times together but I don´t see myself with him in the long term, I feel I´m loosing my time because of this fall downs, his extreme demand of attention . So I´m thinking I should walk away, what do you think?
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Hi Bric,
Is this guy older or younger than you? This could have a bearing on what advice you get.
Also, do you normally live together, but you've not seen him since you got off the train?
ObW
X
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"I love this guy, it has a beautiful heart, is very attentive, demand a lot of attention and I feel he is overwhelming,"
A beautiful heart? How so, apparently he has no problem accusing you of things then walking away, how again is that beautiful?
Relationships work when the three C's are used: Communication, Compromise and Commitment.
Apparently there is no communication in this relationship - Seriously, he hits you upside the head with a statement and just walks away without explaining how you are ignoring him? How is that communication?
Without communication there cannot be compromise. Compromise is when both sides agree to win a little and lose a little and meet somewhere in the middle. Compromise doesn't mean one person gives up everything to the other...
Clearly there is a need for compromise here, but where exactly is going to be hard to figure out if he can't tell you how it is you are ignoring him.
It appears you just spent a good deal of time traveling off to Paris with him and spending time with him... Frankly I wish more men would ignore me that way!
There is most likely a lot of issues in this relationship. Most likely there has been seeds of resentment planted over the past 8 months and the harvest is here. This one line statement may actually be the tip of an iceberg issues he is unwilling or unable to communicate. Or maybe he is just bored and using any lame excuse to get out?
Honestly, you are only eight months into this affair. The honeymoon phase should still be going strong, but its not. You have had your ups and downs, clearly you two are not remotely compatible and this does paint a pretty dim future for an 'us'.
Reassess this relationship, and try to see where it will be a year from now, 5 years from now. All of the 'stuff' that has happened in the past 8 months, honestly is it 'worth' whatever you think you are getting out of the relationship to go through it? Can you really see yourself plowing through more of the same over the next say five years?
If no... then perhaps its time you two part company like gentlemen.
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I had one of those types once.
He was gorgeous. Other guys fell off the sidewalk or ran into open doors when we walked down the sidewalk on Cedar Springs.
But he had baggage......tons, and tons, and tons of baggage.
AND he had to be paid attention too ALL THE TIME! If I ever asked for attention, I got a lecture on how he had better things to do than to make sure my whims were met.
But if I didnt acknowledge him EVERY time he came into the room, OMG.....he accused me of ignoring him, insulting him, and "I didnt like himanymore".
He was "GQ" gorgeous, but mentally, he was shit city.
Apparently we both had the same idea. I was at work one day thinking of some way to break up with him, when he called me and said "it isnt working out, Im coming to get my stuff after work".
And so he did. I had it all ready for him. He came over, got his stuff and walked out the door with a "hurt puppy" look on his face, like I was supposed to drop on my knees and beg him to stay or something.
I just smiled and closed the door.
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OlderButWiser Wrote:Hi Bric,
Is this guy older or younger than you? This could have a bearing on what advice you get.
Also, do you normally live together, but you've not seen him since you got off the train?
ObW
X
He is five years older than me although we don't live together but he come over to my place during the week and I go to his and usually spend weekends together. The last time I was going to move with him we fell down so now I don't want to move with him until I'm sure,
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"Honestly, you are only eight months into this affair. The honeymoon phase should still be going strong, but its not. You have had your ups and downs, clearly you two are not remotely compatible and this does paint a pretty dim future for an 'us'.
I have thought this too, we may love, passionate love but I have thought we are not compatible at all and that's why in the long run I'm loosing my time and I should move on.
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MisterTinkles Wrote:I had one of those types once.
He was gorgeous. Other guys fell off the sidewalk or ran into open doors when we walked down the sidewalk on Cedar Springs.
But he had baggage......tons, and tons, and tons of baggage.
AND he had to be paid attention too ALL THE TIME! If I ever asked for attention, I got a lecture on how he had better things to do than to make sure my whims were met.
But if I didnt acknowledge him EVERY time he came into the room, OMG.....he accused me of ignoring him, insulting him, and "I didnt like himanymore".
He was "GQ" gorgeous, but mentally, he was shit city.
Apparently we both had the same idea. I was at work one day thinking of some way to break up with him, when he called me and said "it isnt working out, Im coming to get my stuff after work".
And so he did. I had it all ready for him. He came over, got his stuff and walked out the door with a "hurt puppy" look on his face, like I was supposed to drop on my knees and beg him to stay or something.
I just smiled and closed the door.
To be honest when we fall down I feel relieve then I miss him but I said to myself the next time we fall I'm not coming back and the last time we came together was because I was returning his things and start talking again.
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I´m done
