Hi, So I am in need of advise. This all just happened recently and its taken a toll on me. So let me first start off by saying I consider myself str8. Well I am a college student and I have had sex with a few guys just experimenting but a few days ago I decided to download an app called Skout were you can find people near you i was looking for a girl or guy but if i found a guy i just wanted to be friends with him nothing more at least at the moment. I "winked" at this guy on there and he msged me and we started chatting. We became really close really fast he is also str8. We ended up falling for each other and today we had sex it was the best sex i've had and i have feelings for him unlike the other guys and idk why we both get this weird feeling (good) around each other. While we were having sex he ask me to be his boyfriend he has never had one and neither have i. I said yes. We have to keep it a secret because we are both 'str8' now he will come out if i do but my family is very christian and I dont think i would be accepted. i would be coming out as bi but i would more than likely have to more and probably would be disowned or not spoken to. I do want to come out be comfortable having him around. I just don't know how to do it with out losing my family...any advise? Also do you think he is "the one?"
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ok, I will admit I'm young, but there are emotions tied in here. Be careful when saying "the one." You may think it now, but give it time first. Next, be careful with your family. My mother rejected/rejects me because of who I am and my lifestyle. Try to ease the subject onto them, don't go out and say it. And as to you and your boyfriend, good job. You found that one person you like. I've met a couple of straight guys who find a significant other of the same gender. It happens, nothings wrong with it. It's possible for a 6 on the Kinsey scale (right out gay flamboyant, such as myself) to be infatuated with a woman. I cannot say if this helped or not but please feel free to talk with me
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At age 24 I met a guy that uprooted my whole life, my career choice, my whole world and what love I felt for him changed my very view on who and what I was to the very core.
I 'agonized' over the implications of what 'gay' meant for me and my life.
While I sought answers from others, the reality is that I had to reach a point where I realized that the choice to out myself or stay in the closet was solely and only mine and that in outing myself it meant their were risks - as there are risks with every choice we make in life.
Each choice comes with its consequences... So will this one.
For me, the loss of my career path in life, the loss of family, the loss of friends, the change of direction of my whole life was placed on one side of the scale.
On the other, my own personal belief in honor and integrity (honesty of self) and my love for that man was placed.
To me the honor (truth) integrity and love were more important than the potential losses.
Did I lose? You betcha. I didn't go on to become a minister, I didn't go on to become a Friar of the St. Francis Society. I did lose more of the eroded relationship I had with my folks, I did lose a few 'friends'.
But - I gained integrity, a sense of honor Yeah sure a lot of people back in the day didn't look upon homosexuality as 'honorable' but I had my self truth and the dignity to know that above all else I wasn't lying about who I was and what I was.
Those are the things important to me.
You need to decide which is important to you.
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I think the first thing you both need to do is sit down and have a serious discussion about each others sexuality. It's interesting that you open the post with making it clear your both straight. Really? Last time I checked, straight guys didn't have sex with other straight guys, except maybe in a gay guys wet dream - so I'm told ;-)
Skout (never heard of it before) and the 101 other smartphone apps that are out there have, in almost all cases got one purpose. To help set up casual sexual encounters.
Now you could be really lucky and met the one guy who was on there looking for more than a one night stand I.e. a regular "fuck buddy". But that doesn't mean your in love or that he's The One.
Your 21. Tread carefully, have SAFE sex, enjoy yourself and try and park the emotional attachment, for now at least. Give the relationship a couple of months to develop then take it from there.
Good Luck
ObW
X
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Since sexuality can fluctuate and be responsive to who we meet and what we decide to do with the people we meet, you've maybe just crossed the threshold that classified you as straight before and now might / would classify you (at least) as bisexual. I take it therefore that you have both had sexual encounters and emotional attachments to women before. But, as I said, sexuality is fluid. See what Kinsey had to say about human sexuality. For some people, they feel at the core of themselves that they are completely gay or completely straight and would never dream of pursuing a relationship with either the opposite sex or the same sex, but there's that vast land in the middle where people may decide to go with the flow and accept the interesting experiences that human life affords us. It looks like you've just decided to pursue one of life's offerings and so far it's been a happy and fulfilling experience. You have a choice to decide that you no longer belong to whatever label you'd assigned to yourself so far and to belong to another 'camp'. Does it really matter? Probably what matters to you both most, is that you feel completely comfortable with each other, even enjoying each other's company and intercourse.
You'll just have to figure out whether it's going to be your downfall socially, or whether you can still pursue what most people want when they start mating, ie a family, children etc. But nothing is impossible these days, it's just a question of seeing how you can go about achieving your dreams. Good luck with your relationship. I agree with another poster here, that you both need to discuss how you see the future, whether together or apart.
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First, I would do what Bowyn Aerrow, and OlderButWiser said to do you need to find out what is important to you and you need to let your relationship mature before you place any attachment to it and you need to tread carefully well thats all I got to say on this.
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