05-24-2013, 09:27 AM
SO hear is my tale. I am an agoraphobic and have severe anxiety disorder. It started about 10 years ago after my lover left me. I fell apart and started seeing a psych but had no idea I was having anxiety and agoraphobia. FAst forward a month later and I was housebound. That was hell. Finally I broke out and started a new psych and meds. Gained 60 lbs but had my freedom back. Got into a relationship and that fell apart and slowly I started getting worse again. I tried to work for a while but soon the anxiety got so bad I could no longer make it to work. Meanwhile, my current lover was murdered right in front of me. It was surreal. Despite my anxiety I moved and found a new home. SLowly over the years the anxiety got worse and I became practically housebound again. I got on disability and got insurance and started on meds and started getting out again. Things were good for a few years but then a new roomie moved in. I was lonely and had lost a lot of friends and all of my family. And really started hanging out with my roomie a lot and slowly started falling for him. Finally in December I admitted how I felt to him. He did not have the same feelings and started seeing someone. I fell apart again. My anxiety got so bad I had to pop xanax everyday just to feel somewhat sane. This went on for 3 months! Finally it calmed down again. But then I was dependent on the xanax to keep the anxiety at bay. I started trying to titrate down on the xanax this month but it has been a mess. My anxiety is completely out of control unless I completely drug myself out with xanax. My agoraphobia is so bad I can barley go down the street now without taking xanax. I have anxiety all the time. I hate being home because it makes me anxious cuz I feel like I am going to be trapped there again. I can not go very far now. My radius is just a few blocks from home and then I get too scared. My life is hell now. I can not eat, I have no appetite. My hair is now falling out because I am so stressed out. My roomies really do not want to deal with my issues. I tried to lean on them earlier this year and they kinda told me we are sorry for you but we do not really want to deal with it. I do work from home for a dog rescue but work has been really slow. I do not know what to do. I am weighing all the options I can. I go to acupuncture but it seems to only help for a couple of days and then I am back to were I was. I take herbs but they do not last very long and have to keep taking them over and over and it is getting be too expensive. I am looking at other supplements and drugs but everything seems to interact with something I am on or the stuff has issues with dependency also. It is night now and I am home all alone and my anxiety is fucking horrible. The past few months have been fucking horrible. I have a doc and a psych nurse but they just keep telling me to take the xanax. I do not want to end up being on an insane amount of xanax everyday just to function. I want to stop having to be dependent on the xanax everyday. I am so uncertain, scared and alone right now.