Agoraphobic in San Diego

[adamnsd12]

SO hear is my tale. I am an agoraphobic and have severe anxiety disorder. It started about 10 years ago after my lover left me. I fell apart and started seeing a psych but had no idea I was having anxiety and agoraphobia. FAst forward a month later and I was housebound. That was hell. Finally I broke out and started a new psych and meds. Gained 60 lbs but had my freedom back. Got into a relationship and that fell apart and slowly I started getting worse again. I tried to work for a while but soon the anxiety got so bad I could no longer make it to work. Meanwhile, my current lover was murdered right in front of me. It was surreal. Despite my anxiety I moved and found a new home. SLowly over the years the anxiety got worse and I became practically housebound again. I got on disability and got insurance and started on meds and started getting out again. Things were good for a few years but then a new roomie moved in. I was lonely and had lost a lot of friends and all of my family. And really started hanging out with my roomie a lot and slowly started falling for him. Finally in December I admitted how I felt to him. He did not have the same feelings and started seeing someone. I fell apart again. My anxiety got so bad I had to pop xanax everyday just to feel somewhat sane. This went on for 3 months! Finally it calmed down again. But then I was dependent on the xanax to keep the anxiety at bay. I started trying to titrate down on the xanax this month but it has been a mess. My anxiety is completely out of control unless I completely drug myself out with xanax. My agoraphobia is so bad I can barley go down the street now without taking xanax. I have anxiety all the time. I hate being home because it makes me anxious cuz I feel like I am going to be trapped there again. I can not go very far now. My radius is just a few blocks from home and then I get too scared. My life is hell now. I can not eat, I have no appetite. My hair is now falling out because I am so stressed out. My roomies really do not want to deal with my issues. I tried to lean on them earlier this year and they kinda told me we are sorry for you but we do not really want to deal with it. I do work from home for a dog rescue but work has been really slow. I do not know what to do. I am weighing all the options I can. I go to acupuncture but it seems to only help for a couple of days and then I am back to were I was. I take herbs but they do not last very long and have to keep taking them over and over and it is getting be too expensive. I am looking at other supplements and drugs but everything seems to interact with something I am on or the stuff has issues with dependency also. It is night now and I am home all alone and my anxiety is fucking horrible. The past few months have been fucking horrible. I have a doc and a psych nurse but they just keep telling me to take the xanax. I do not want to end up being on an insane amount of xanax everyday just to function. I want to stop having to be dependent on the xanax everyday. I am so uncertain, scared and alone right now.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

You are seeing an MD that throws pills at you - right?

Are you seeing a therapist?

If not might I suggest finding one? In all honesty talking through stuff does help to deal with stuff, on top of that a good or decent therapist will give you 'tools' for coping and managing the anxiety and the agoraphobia.

Assuming you are working with a therapist, how do you feel about the therapist in general? If there is any issues you may have with that therapist, it is possible that therapy with that therapist isn't going to work well for you.

As for the roomies not wanting to deal with your issues, other than sharing a flat or whatever, what obligation do you expect from them? Or to be more blunt, why should they deal with your 'issues'? Are they not just roommates?

Yeah you do appear to have dependency issues, this all seemingly started when the first guy left, and then with each new guy and their leaving you got worse. Excluding the trauma of the murder (which is when typical cases of agoraphobia actually start, a trauma event triggers it), it appears you were overly involved, overly dependent upon these guys for..... Well I don't know, that would have to be something you need to ask yourself, searching yourself for what it is that you need from your partner to be 'strong'.

Yeah I know, you were talking about drug dependency....

But now it, it appears you are now turning to the roomies and are trying to depend on them.... From what you wrote, do you see the same line of thought there? Thus my asking why they should be 'taking care' of you and your issues takes on a new meaning and if you ask yourself that again perhaps keeping in mind that this is a form of dependency, perhaps the answer will unlock a solution toward your coping with whatever ails you.


You do dog rescue and the internet - what else do you do for enjoyment, to kill time, to satisfy say a creative leaning, or a craving for knowledge or something like that?

If you have no other interests, perhaps its time to take up one like playing the violin, or model planes - you know 'hobbies' and start throwing yourself into those.

I deal with stress by taking it out on the shrubbery, weeds, gardening, around the property. Not only does it give me something else to focus on, it kills that vast amount of time that if I just sit around thinking usually fills up with stress, anxiety, depression and other unwanted 'stuff'. It works to get me through the days.

Find something like that - something that kills times, distracts you, gets you doing 'something' other than focusing on the stressors/anxiety whatever perturbs you.

Then there are breathing exercises, meditation, yoga - exercise and decent diet, and other things that rely on YOU not on an outward source to 'treat' or 'cope with' the agoraphobia. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/agoraph...nd-support may be helpful in listing a few do's and don'ts.

Do you have a spiritual path? If so perhaps focus on some aspect of that when going out. Catholics have the rosary (which is actually a trance inducing type prayer, repetitive and droning which is actually calming and focusing). There are other prayers, and tools that other religions have that all work on putting you in a semi-trance state, to focus. Without knowing your spiritual path I can't really make more suggestions.

There is probably a lot of other little things you can try which do not include having someone poke you with needles or having yourself drugged up. A therapist should be consulted and have some idea of the particulars of your case and know a little about you to make suggestions tailored more for your needs, than for general cases of X.

[LONDONER]

If acupuncture works albeit for only a short while, it is on the right track. If you can find a Shiatsu practitioner in San Diego you could try that. I practised Shiatsu for fifteen years and dealt with all sorts of phobias but it does require commitment on your part. Initially, as with many alternative medicines, you can start to feel worse before you start to feel better. If you can find a good practitioned and by good I mean someone who will take in to account your full history and one who will reccommed diet and exercise also, then that could be one path to follow. .

[Rainbowmum]

As Bowyn has said pills will only get you so far ,you really need to see someone that will give you the tools you need to deal with it .