Should i be offended?

[rmf]

Like I Said bud, find a new one I have some suggestions I will send them your way

[EricShay]

Those theories were prevalent years ago in psychology, but have been getting debunked left and right lately. It's called "continuing education" and certain people in certain fields should always do it... Most do not unfortunately.

[bluefox4000]

I would tell her to fuck off and leave. Even if that IS your view. It's not professional and check it at the door..

Mick

[Counselor]

And throw in the phrase "insufferable cunt of a foolish woman projecting infantile fantasies" in there somewhere.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

So im sitting in therapy today and everything is normal. then my thearapist says something i find offensive. she looks me in the eye and says "mr. anderton why do you think you are a homosexual?" i told her it was just how i was born. she looked at me and said dont you think you want men to love you because you feel your father didnt? i was mad and offended. she made it sound as if some bad experience had mutated me into something unnatural. am i over reacting or was that comment un called for?

Actually I have had several therapists in my life take me down this road. The first time it happened I was 'offended','hurt' something.

However later it was revealed to me that yes indeed, not all homosexuals are 'born that way' some are made out of the situations and events of their lives.

Incidentally, when I decided to walk down that road with a therapist a lot of things were revealed to me about myself when it comes to my choices I make when shopping for potential suitors and the desires and wants I expect to be fulfilled in a relationship.

Due to how my folks treated me I do have some 'daddy issues' - I am sort of looking for a father surrogate in my mate. I also discovered that I have 'mother issues' as well, and I do have a little negativity of women. No not to the point where I am a chauvinist pig, but to the point where being asked if my dislike of women in general is what 'caused' me to be homosexual is a valid question and one I needed to explore for myself.

I finally concluded that I was born this way and regardless of my upbringing I would be attracted to men. I also concluded that how I was raised, how mother and father treated me has had a profound impact on how I express my homosexuality, how I operate inside a relationship and affects the choices I make and my inner image of the 'ideal mate' for me.

Most therapist ask such questions to get you thinking about your reasons, your path and why it is you do X over Y when in Z situation. While we may like to believe that everything in the past is just in the past, the reality is that what happened to us in the past often influences what we do in the present, and being aware of those influences can often help us to keep from making similar mistakes.

From what you said, I think this therapist is trying to get you to explore how the relationship with your father has molded you, and get you to ask yourself if your homosexuality is largely or in part due the treatment your father gave you. While most likely you were born gay, I have no doubt that how you express that, how you act on that is largely influenced by the lead man in your life in your childhood (your father).

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Also she may have been asking to see how you feel about it yourself. There are a lot of gays who do indeed believe that their being a homosexual is because of outside forces and has nothing to do with organic/biological reasons.

Or Satan is making them do it as a way to sin. Or its a sickness of the mind.

But we live in a society where it is politically incorrect to say such things, thus a gay man may actually be struggling with this on some level with no one to really talk freely with.

I note everyone else is ready to kick her to the curb. I think that in your situation, with the relationship you had with your father, that this is a valid question to ask. If not to get you to to think about it yourself, then just to get a little understanding of how much you blame your father for how you turned out.

Therapists can't read minds, but we ask them to understand us in order to help us, thus they are going to have to ask questions to get a better understanding of who "I" am.

A good therapist will ask you the 'hard' questions, the offensive questions, the questions which are far from politically correct. Most humans think about these sorts of things but have no one to talk to on the matter thus we are always 'struggling' with answers to tough, politically incorrect questions.

[Counselor]

Those are valid points, BA, but her question is leading, unless it was paraphrased...

[Johnny]

Also she may have been asking to see how you feel about it yourself. There are a lot of gays who do indeed believe that their being a homosexual is because of outside forces and has nothing to do with organic/biological reasons.

Or Satan is making them do it as a way to sin. Or its a sickness of the mind.

But we live in a society where it is politically incorrect to say such things, thus a gay man may actually be struggling with this on some level with no one to really talk freely with.

I note everyone else is ready to kick her to the curb. I think that in your situation, with the relationship you had with your father, that this is a valid question to ask. If not to get you to to think about it yourself, then just to get a little understanding of how much you blame your father for how you turned out.

Therapists can't read minds, but we ask them to understand us in order to help us, thus they are going to have to ask questions to get a better understanding of who "I" am.

A good therapist will ask you the 'hard' questions, the offensive questions, the questions which are far from politically correct. Most humans think about these sorts of things but have no one to talk to on the matter thus we are always 'struggling' with answers to tough, politically incorrect questions.

I suppose you have to decide if being gay is ever a choice, I don't think it is and as far as I know, no evidence to support it is either, so starting from there, the question was daft.

To argue she may be asking for "other" reasons is unacceptable too, would she ask a black guy, are his problems related to his not being born white.

In a small number of cases it might be true but surely a better question could be formed, such as "do you feel white and black people are equal or in the Op's case, do you feel you crave love from men to make up for the lack of love from your father.

Unless this therapist has hard evidence to support their theory then she/he should limit his/her questions to ones that do not leave the patient with questions that can't be answered.

[HomeagainNYC]

I wouldn't be. However - I don't know what went before - between the two of you.

I would have answered her "Father" question, yes or no, based on my personal belief's, then, I would have asked her why she posed the question. Her answer or lack thereof, would allow me to evaluate her motivation - so I could decide whether to continue with her, or, not.

Bottom line - your therapist is someone you've engaged to help you sort through issues. If she's helping you, stay - if she is not, you need to look elsewhere; only you know what going on in your sessions.

The rest is just drama, that you don't need.

[Geminize]

Those are valid points, BA, but her question is leading, unless it was paraphrased...

I strongly agree. Yes, a therapist's job is to ask the tough questions once a relationship is established, but leading questions with a built-in conclusion have NO place in therapy.