Total Bottom?

[RingLeader]

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Alrighty. So I'm just an average guy. Don't have hookups usually and I've only had sex a few times. Thing is that I'm never very interested in anyone touching my penis, nor do I give a shit about my own getting off. I honestly feel like there is something wrong with that. I've heard of bottoms who are like this but I just worry there is something wrong with me. I don't get hard in front of guys and if that's just my shyness or not I don't think so. I just don't seem to get hard while having sex. I don't WANT to top either. I don't want to use my penis, I want to make the other person happy but I don't care about my own sexual pleasure. I've often wondered if I'm somehow straight but topping is so unpleasant for me I can't imagine it.

Another little piece of information is that while I am actually rather masculine most of the time. I've come to a point in my life where I find I'm becoming more and more gender fluid with clothing. I like to see men in womens clothing (when done properly) and it actually does wonderful things for me sexually. I wonder why if there is something about me having very feminine interests and being somewhat more gender fluid than I had originally thought that might explain why in the world I can't see to get it up during sex? I just feel like there is something wrong here. No other guy I've met has this problem and most of them tell me how embarassed they are that I wont get up for them. I've lost a boyfriend or two over it. I'm wondering if anyone might be able to explain, or is going through the same thing, or just has an opinion that might help me out? It's incredibly frustrating to to me, I need answers before it drives me up a wall!

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[MisterLove]

There's nothing wrong with being a total bottom, if that's you like and you feel happy about it. I would say I'm versatile when it comes to sex but recently I've become less interested in topping. In fact, I love bottoming. The problem is I only do it when I really like the guy, if he's a jerk or an egotistical pr***, then there's no way I'm going to give him my gay ass.

[LateBloomer]

[SIZE="2"]

Alrighty. So I'm just an average guy. Don't have hookups usually and I've only had sex a few times. Thing is that I'm never very interested in anyone touching my penis, nor do I give a shit about my own getting off. I honestly feel like there is something wrong with that. I've heard of bottoms who are like this but I just worry there is something wrong with me. I don't get hard in front of guys and if that's just my shyness or not I don't think so. I just don't seem to get hard while having sex. I don't WANT to top either. I don't want to use my penis, I want to make the other person happy but I don't care about my own sexual pleasure. I've often wondered if I'm somehow straight but topping is so unpleasant for me I can't imagine it.

Another little piece of information is that while I am actually rather masculine most of the time. I've come to a point in my life where I find I'm becoming more and more gender fluid with clothing. I like to see men in womens clothing (when done properly) and it actually does wonderful things for me sexually. I wonder why if there is something about me having very feminine interests and being somewhat more gender fluid than I had originally thought that might explain why in the world I can't see to get it up during sex? I just feel like there is something wrong here. No other guy I've met has this problem and most of them tell me how embarassed they are that I wont get up for them. I've lost a boyfriend or two over it. I'm wondering if anyone might be able to explain, or is going through the same thing, or just has an opinion that might help me out? It's incredibly frustrating to to me, I need answers before it drives me up a wall!

[/SIZE]

I don't know much about this stuff, but I think you have a clue right there in bold.

Maybe you just need a partner you can experiment with on this level.

[MisterTinkles]

Personally, Im a "total top" and prefer "total bottoms".

Theres nothing wrong with the way you are feeling, or the things you find that excite you "that way".

I for one, think its ludicrous for women to be able to wear mens clothes, and nobody "bats an eyelash" at it.....but if a man goes out in a nice dress, he's stared at, made fun of, and the police are even called!!!!!!

There have been HUNDREDS of days I would LOVE to wear a nice flowing dress/skirt to work. Just for the fact I despise restrictive clothing. But Id be fired for it. But yet, all the women at work can wear jeans, pants, and suits, and nobody says one goddamned word.

Back to your issue.....most "total bottoms" I have been with feel as you do. I dont think there's anything wrong with you, its just you have different tastes and turn on's than most others do. Nothing wrong with that....as long as you arent hurting yourself or anyone else.


Theres a difference between trans-gendered, transvestites, drag queens, and men in dresses.

You might try finding some "male" caftans. They are airy, roomy, and feel dress-like.

[LateBloomer]

Maybe I misunderstood, but I think RingLeader considers himself masculine and enjoys seeing OTHER MEN in women's clothing.

I didn't gather that HE likes to wear women's clothing. Maybe he can clear that up for us.

[MisterTinkles]

Maybe I misunderstood, but I think RingLeader considers himself masculine and enjoys seeing OTHER MEN in women's clothing.

I didn't gather that HE likes to wear women's clothing. Maybe he can clear that up for us.

Oh, my mistake. Its hard to see that tiny print sometimes.

Yeah, Ive seen some guys in dresses that still look like men.....in dresses.
Still look good though.




Yes, thats Brad Pitt in two house dresses and one party dress.

[LateBloomer]

Yes, thats Brad Pitt in two house dresses and one party dress.

Damn!



I don't care if he's Brad Pitt or not. His breath must stink from coffee and cigarettes!

[MisterTinkles]

Damn!



I don't care if he's Brad Pitt or not. His breath must stink from coffee and cigarettes!

A little bit of mouthwash, and Im good to go!!!!

[RingLeader]

Thanks for all the replies! As for what I want out of the womens clothing thing. It's womens clothes on myself or on another guy. (I do drag somewhat often to fill this desire as I like to feel feminine). I'm still figuring out where I belong in my feminine desires. But the thing I worry most about is the lack of an erection when I'm having sex, even when they try, or the fact I don't like people touching my penis that worry me.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Not needing/wanting to get off or having reciprocation is typical of bottoms. Many bottoms get 'off' by getting their man off, their pleasure is derived by the pleasure of their mate.

Understand that a lot of tops or versatile tops feel 'obligated' to get their partner off. Some of them will never get the 'I get pleasure from your pleasure' it is a pretty alien concept to them.

"I don't get hard in front of guys and if that's just my shyness or not I don't think so"

I am uncertain if not getting wood is a 'good thing' or a 'bad thing' - Personally I get wood when in bottom mode and its not a signal of my wanting reciprocation, it is a signal that I'm having fun. Are you having fun? Are you getting pleasure?

When I say pleasure I don't mean 'getting off'. Sex is a bit more complicated than attaining orgasm, there is a plethora of other emotions that come in play, before, during and even after the act itself which is pleasurable and most satisfying.

You are 18, I'm going out on a limb and going to assume you haven't been with that many guys and haven't tried everything. While right now you may feel you are a total bottom and have no interest in springing a bit of wood for a guy... I have to wonder if the right guy enters your life if that won't change - for him (and perhaps only just for him).

While the majority of my partners I have been in the bottom role, and due to things like size differences the image of me topping them would be hilarious at best (think along the lines of Chihuahua mounting a Great Dane) it felt right and proper, there have been a couple where it felt right for me to top and it was an enjoyable experience.

Different guys, different situations different experiences. Different personalities and in there somewhere a different sort of love with each guy.

Dresses: I can't relate with that specifically. I'm meh to 'ew' about guys in bed in a dress. But I do like leather... Oh boy, Leather vest, and/or Leather chaps and you have to beat me with a stick to keep me off ya.... Leather harnesses, leather boots... oh my mind can wander for days....:tongue:

There are guys who find cowboys to 'do it' for them, others who find uniforms to 'do it' for them - Latex, Furry costumes (dressing up like a animal mascot type of furry) - I imagine there is other things out there that 'do it' for a person.

Is this 'normal' - no. But then normal is a bad word, it implies that we must conform to certain standards which usually the majority are or are not doing. Is it typical? Yes! Does it fall within nominal parameters of human experience - yes!

Honestly there is nothing 'wrong' with you. You appear to have a healthy understanding of what does and does not rock your world. And there are guys out there who will be most willing to comply with your desires and who desire to be exactly that which you wish them to be.

Hm as an aside what are your thoughts of men in kilts? Perhaps you just need to date a Scotsman?