I've always considered myself a versatile top. My boyfriend is a total bottom. Since we started dating, I've discovered I really, really enjoy being a total top. It suits my sexual needs perfectly. I had always been under the impression I had to be a versatile top because other gay men wanted what I wanted sexually. Turns out I was wrong. While I don't fully understand the desire to be a bottom, I do know the desire is there and I respect it.
As for getting an erection, give it time. I don't know how much I can say here, but my bf was the same way when we first became sexually active. It may just be a comfort issue. It's gotten to the point now that I can turn him on during foreplay and make sure he reaches orgasm when the time is right.
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I'm a bottom, I've topped once or twice and it seemed more like a chore. I prefer it if guys effectively ignore my penis, I just want to bottom for them, if it feels nice that's a plus. I do get hard around guys but during sex I usually lose it. It's not a bad thing but I get lost in the other feelings.
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When I first started experimenting with guys in my early teens, the first experiences I had bottoming where like you explained.... I didn't get hard, and I'd just get fucked, and that'd be it... for me, it was an experience issue. I wasn't aware of the full extent of my sexuality, and hadn't come into my own, if you will, when it came to enjoying and understanding the give and take concepts of sex. Some people just like to give, and there's nothing wrong with that.
But ya, at first, I never got hard, and would only make sure my partner was pleased, and that'd be the gist of it.
On the topic of cross-dressers, or better yet, (off topic) transgendered women... I've never been sexually aroused by them, but have always found them fascinating and mysterious.
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As a top I don't really understand the more psychological side of being a bottom but i do have a few opinions and experiences.
First of all from my experience most bottoms don't have an aversion to having their cock touched. Now of course just because it's unusual doesn't mean it's wrong but there may be a few problems. First of all I'm a little concerned that focussing totally on the other guy's pleasure might not be good for you and that maybe not wanting to be touched down there has something to do with some sort of anxiety.
Secondly, I find that the other guy being turned on is an important part of sex, feeding back and turning me on more. Being hard is a big part of that. Just because I'm top doesn't mean I'm not interested in cock, if anything I prefer sucking to getting sucked and generally just playing with another guy's dick.
I don't think I'm unusual so i'm worried that most guys will assume you're not into them or feel they're missing out.
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100% bottom here.
I would rather that my tool be left alone during sex, honestly. My sexual pleasure comes from my ass...and in fact most of the time I don't even need an ejaculation to feel satisfied.
But if I do ejaculate, that's it for me....I'm done for an hour or so, and that is irritating.
Not to mention that I'm one of those pure bottoms that doesn't even get hard, so it just seems like a waste of time.
Everyone is different, of course, and that is always the most important thing to remember.
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try to play with the finders on your prostate... the part between the anus and the actual penis... for me it helps ...
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