05-26-2013, 09:03 AM
Taking a Leave
Hello. I’m just dropping by to say hi to everyone.
The last time I logged into Gayspeak was on last February. I think. I don’t remember the exact month but it was months ago.
I had a personal downtime on my last visit. I posted a rant on how unhappy I was with how people mistreated me in real life. Fortunately, I was able to bounce back on the next day. I honestly regret for typing down such rant and posted it in a public forum.
Anyway I decided to take a long leave from the forum as I needed to sort out my personal life.
Mr. T and I
Few months before I took a leave from Gayspeak, I made two posts on the How Are You thread. Those two posts were about a guy that I met named Mr. T in a gym.
I’ve known him for almost a year but we become really close since last February. By March, he completely changed my life into a living fairytale.
“Jay, can I have your permission to drive you home?” He asked shyly.
My heart stopped beating for few seconds. A guy wants to drive me home? He’s asking for permission?
Mr. T is a sweet gentleman. He can also be cheeky and spoiled too. One time, he asked me to grab his car key from the shorts that he was wearing. He was carrying things on both hands. He could have asked me to hold his stuff whilst he grabs his own car key, right? But he didn’t.
I was nervous. But I did it.
We see each other five times a day in our gym but we also text message and call each other almost every single day too. Morning, day and night.
One evening, I received a text message from him. “Jay, would you like to watch a movie with me?”
I re-read the message several times. Did I just read what I think it was?
I was in my office at the moment. I wasn’t able to content my feeling that I giggled nervously like Betty Boop and hopped gleefully in the office.
I had to tell my colleagues. My colleagues are my close friends and second family. They were happy and supportive.
Both of us hit the gym before we went for our movie. He came to the gym one hour earlier than me. He flashed a gorgeous smile when I arrived.
As planned, Mr. T went home to take a shower and changed into much nicer clothes. I took my shower in the gym. He returned to the gym an hour later to pick me up.
“Have you eaten your dinner?” He asked me whilst he drove us to the cinema.
“Err…yeah. Tuna with oats” I answered.
“If you’re still hungry, we can grab Subway on the way.” He smiled.
I melted by his beautiful smile and twinkling Almond-shaped eyes. “Nah, I’m fine.”
Our movie night went very well. He sent me home safe and sound. There were lots of chats and laughs in the car. But no kissing was involved.
We become closer and closer in every single day. He picks me up and also sends me home from our gym – whenever he can. We Skype each other. We text message each other. We call each other. We go out for movies and meals together.
Last month, a drama occurred between Mr. T and another guy in our gym. The drama almost tarnished Mr. T’s name. I know what it was all about and I know he didn’t do anything wrong. I stood behind him all the time. However, Mr. T was under a huge pressure that he thought maybe it was best for him to leave the gym.
“Jay, what if I change to a different gym. Would you come with me?” He asked.
“You know I would. But I also have to consider the distance of the new gym to my house. I rely on public transport.”
“I don’t mind picking you up and send you home every day.” He said.
The gym drama eventually went away and we continue to do our workout in the same old gym.
In another one evening, he gave me a ring and asked if I was free to watch a movie. Of course I said yes.
Few minutes later, he gave me another call. “Jay, here’s the plan. Another two friends are coming to watch the movie with us.”
Darn. I quietly thought.
Few hours later, he sent me a text message. “Jay, are you fine with this plan?”
Honesty is always the best policy. You better be right, Mr. Washington. “Well to be frank, I was like … oh, man. But I guess I’m okay. Are you okay with these two coming along?” I sent my text message.
He replied. “I was the one who invited them.”
Oh. I am dead. I thought those two just barged into our plan without an invitation. It didn’t cross my mind that Mr. T invited them.
Our movie night with our two friends didn’t turn out well from the get go. We were late 10 minutes because one of our friends decided not to join us at the very last minute.
Mr. T wasn’t happy with the guy. He erupted like I have never seen him before. I did my best to calm him down and thankfully I was able to.
We reserved four seats in the cinema. Two seats in one row and two more seats in another row.
Mr. T and I were supposed to sit together. He told me so. But it didn’t turn out that way. The other guy took my seat and sat beside Mr. T. I heard Mr. T said, “Sorry, Jay.”
So I slumped myself on the other seat with an empty seat beside.
Mr. T approached my seat in the middle of the movie. He handed me his mobile phone. “He’s here. He’s waiting outside the cinema. Text him and tell him that we left his ticket at a counter.” He whispered.
“Great, I’m a babysitter now.” I muttered under my breath.
It’s not appropriate to text message inside a cinema hall so I left the cinema hall grumpily.
I managed to fetch the other friend. But I lost 15 to 20 minutes of the movie on the way to get him.
When the movie ended, I excused myself to the rest room. The others stayed in the cinema hall as they wanted to watch the credit roll.
I returned to the cinema hall only to find them laughing with each other. It was like nothing wrong has happened. I wasn’t angry but indeed, frustrated.
The four of us then walked out the cinema hall altogether. The three continued to chat whilst I walked in silence. I prefer to stay quiet when I’m upset or frustrated.
It didn’t take long for Mr. T to notice my changing behavior.
“Jay, walk with me.” We strolled together in the cinema hall way leaving the other two behind us.
“Are you angry with me?” He asked. “Or is there anyone bothering you?”
“Kind of …” I muttered in a low voice. I don’t think he heard what I said.
I sat on the front seat in Mr. T’s car. He asked me to. Mr. T insisted to drop all of us at to our homes.
‘Jay, what’s wrong?” Mr. T asked again.
“Nothing.” I tried to avoid eye contact with him.
“Yeah, Jay. C’mon tell us what’s wrong?” One of our friends joined in.
“That was a horrible experience.” I blurted out. I wasn’t able to explain any further as I can turn into a tearful chap easily.
Mr. T wanted to send me home but I requested him to drop me at the nearest train station.
Before I left his car, he gave me a nudge with his left elbow. “Text me and tell me what went wrong, okay?”
“Sure.”
Well I didn’t text him that night. I was too annoyed and tired that I fell asleep instantly.
As expected, he gave me a call in the early next morning. I was still sleeping when he rang me.
He wanted to know what has happened on last night. So I explained to him from A to Z. I told him that I was fine. I already have forgotten the whole thing.
Then he took his turn to explain his side of story. Apparently he also left the cinema hall for a few minutes to find our friend. But our friend still didn’t show up at the time. So he went back into the cinema hall and asked me to text our friend via my mobile phone as his mobile phone was out of battery.
Okay, fair enough.
In Love
“Jay, I’m in love.” He finally confessed his feeling to me.
I gasped. This is it. I’m going to have a boyfriend! I’m going to have a boyfriend!
“I had a crush with this one girl in my old high school. But I never had the courage to ask her. Anyways I stumbled into her few days ago. She lives nearby my house.”
…
What?
I was numb.
I was completely crushed.
I was entirely confused.
On that moment, I tried to think as rational as possible but I failed. My mind was a total mess.
“What should I do? I want to get to know her closer but I am scared.” He continued.
My voice trembled. But I was able to give him an advice on how to approach the girl that he was in love with.
I didn’t cry. I was too confused to cry.
I repeatedly tried to figure out why he treated me in a very special way for months. He doesn’t treat other male friends in such way. There must be a good explanation for all these. There must be.
But I wasn’t able to find one.
Finding a Way Out
It was Monday; 6.30 in the morning. The city was still dark and deserted. But I already left my house and walked down the usual street to my office. I felt dull and heavy with a cloudy mind attached to it.
My eyes were dripping with tears. Who cares? The city was still pitch black and half awake. No one is going to hear me sob.
The office building’s security guards waved and saluted when they saw me. Sigh. I curved a weak smile and waved back to them. Sorry guys, I’m not in the best mood today.
My company’s working hours are from 10am to 6pm. But everyone knows that I have a habit of coming to office very early. I do morning workout inside the office and also do morning run around my office building.
But as I’ve mentioned before, I wasn’t in the best sprit on that day. I wasn’t in the mood to do my workout and to run.
I slouched myself on a black leather chair in the office’s meeting room. The meeting room is surrounded by tempered glasses with glittering sky scrappers as its panorama.
I stared at Mr. T’s old text messages on my mobile phone. “Would you like to watch a movie with me?”
“Take a deep breath, Jay.” I pleaded to myself.
With one finger swipe, I deleted all of his text messages from my mobile phone.
Now what? What should be the next step?
Be sensible.
I can distance myself from him by moving to a different gym. Unfortunately, I don’t think it would be a good solution as he would then call and ask me why. Beside it sounds more like running away from the problem.
Again. Be sensible, Jay.
…
Take a deep breath.
Exhale
Okay, here’s the solution.
Leave that feeling behind, Jay. Embrace him as a friend. Accept him as your best friend.
I lost him as my Prince Charming but I discovered a new best friend.
Moving On
It has been few days since the day of Mr. T’s confession.
Tough days for yours truly but I’m handling it well. As his best friend, I do my best to support and encourage Mr. T to get him closer to his crush.
Sure, I deleted all of his text messages. But that doesn’t stop him from sending me text messages.
I would be rude not to reply.
Mr. T and all of my friends know that I like to write essay. There’s no such thing as one sentence message from me. Text message is an essay. What’s App message is an essay. Everything needs to be an essay.
I don’t remember the exact words that I sent to him as I deleted my text message once it was sent to him. But it went like this:
“… Get to know her as a friend before making her as your lover. If she’s not single, don’t worry. Stay calm and move on. But if she is single, I doubt she would reject you. You know why? It’s because you’re an ideal guy who comes in a total package. I hope one day I will find a man like you. Fingers crossed for me.”
I nervously waited for his reply.
He didn’t reply instantly. He only replied on the next evening. He said that he’s grateful to have me as his friend and he hopes that our friendship will last forever.
Prince Charming Ever After
We usually train together in the gym on every Saturday. We meet at around 2.30pm. He would drive me home afterward.
But I didn’t want to see him yesterday. I already saw him on the night before. He asked me out to see a movie with those two guys again. I actually declined when he asked me out. His face fell when I said no. He then asked me again and again.
I gave up and said yes.
This time, he made sure that I sat beside him.
I came to the gym at 12.30pm instead of 2.30pm. I didn’t inform him that I was going to come early. I was able to finish my workout an hour earlier before he reaches the gym.
I walked home instead of taking a ride on his pumpkin carriage.
As expected, Mr. T gave me a call on that night. I know him very well. So does he with me.
“Jay, have you eaten your dinner?” He asked.
“Yes, I just finished mine. Why?”
“I have to eat my dinner outside tonight. There’s a water disruption so I’m unable to cook at home. I thought maybe you would like to join me.” He explained.
Me? Out of all people that you know. Sigh.
“Next time.” I replied quietly.
“Listen Jay, when we catch a new movie … we don’t need to bring those two again.” He added.
“Why? I don’t have any problem with them. They are our friends.”
“I know but it’s easier to catch a movie with just the two of us. No hassle.”
“Okay, if you say so.”
“And Jay, are you free on next Sunday?” He continued.
Oh boy, he’s not making things easier for me.
What If
Wild devilish whisper.
It came out of nowhere. It teased me.
What if he hasn’t discovered his other side, Jay?
What kind of straight man would ask another guy to grab a car key from his shorts that he was wearing? He didn’t ask our other male friends to do the same thing before and after.
What kind of straight guy would purposely stretch his sleeveless t-shirt, showcased and jiggled his pecs, and smiled teasingly at you? (I smiled and rolled my eyes when he did that.)
Maybe he’s a bisexual. Maybe he hasn’t discovered himself yet.
What if.
I shook myself. Jay, snap out of it!
Oh God, don’t go there. Don’t give me hopes.
P.S: Sorry, English is not my first language. By the way, there’s another topic that I would like to touch upon, which also requires an essay. I feel like I owe this one particular post to some of you. It relates to why I took a long leave from Gayspeak. But I don’t know when I will write it down.
Another thing, I have no plan to be active in Gayspeak anymore. I’m proud to be part of this wonderful family but my personal life needs me. Some people are able to balance both worlds (Internet and real life) with ease. But I can’t. I find Gayspeak to be hard to resist. I’m also not comfortable to write countless of personal essays in a public forum as I don’t want people to think that I’m seeking for an attention. I prefer to write things in my own little blog from time to time. .
Whilst I have no plan to be an active member, I will visit Gayspeak once in a few months or so to share an update on my personal life.
Thank you.
Regards,
Jay
Hello. I’m just dropping by to say hi to everyone.
The last time I logged into Gayspeak was on last February. I think. I don’t remember the exact month but it was months ago.
I had a personal downtime on my last visit. I posted a rant on how unhappy I was with how people mistreated me in real life. Fortunately, I was able to bounce back on the next day. I honestly regret for typing down such rant and posted it in a public forum.
Anyway I decided to take a long leave from the forum as I needed to sort out my personal life.
Mr. T and I
Few months before I took a leave from Gayspeak, I made two posts on the How Are You thread. Those two posts were about a guy that I met named Mr. T in a gym.
I’ve known him for almost a year but we become really close since last February. By March, he completely changed my life into a living fairytale.
“Jay, can I have your permission to drive you home?” He asked shyly.
My heart stopped beating for few seconds. A guy wants to drive me home? He’s asking for permission?
Mr. T is a sweet gentleman. He can also be cheeky and spoiled too. One time, he asked me to grab his car key from the shorts that he was wearing. He was carrying things on both hands. He could have asked me to hold his stuff whilst he grabs his own car key, right? But he didn’t.
I was nervous. But I did it.
We see each other five times a day in our gym but we also text message and call each other almost every single day too. Morning, day and night.
One evening, I received a text message from him. “Jay, would you like to watch a movie with me?”
I re-read the message several times. Did I just read what I think it was?
I was in my office at the moment. I wasn’t able to content my feeling that I giggled nervously like Betty Boop and hopped gleefully in the office.
I had to tell my colleagues. My colleagues are my close friends and second family. They were happy and supportive.
Both of us hit the gym before we went for our movie. He came to the gym one hour earlier than me. He flashed a gorgeous smile when I arrived.
As planned, Mr. T went home to take a shower and changed into much nicer clothes. I took my shower in the gym. He returned to the gym an hour later to pick me up.
“Have you eaten your dinner?” He asked me whilst he drove us to the cinema.
“Err…yeah. Tuna with oats” I answered.
“If you’re still hungry, we can grab Subway on the way.” He smiled.
I melted by his beautiful smile and twinkling Almond-shaped eyes. “Nah, I’m fine.”
Our movie night went very well. He sent me home safe and sound. There were lots of chats and laughs in the car. But no kissing was involved.
We become closer and closer in every single day. He picks me up and also sends me home from our gym – whenever he can. We Skype each other. We text message each other. We call each other. We go out for movies and meals together.
Last month, a drama occurred between Mr. T and another guy in our gym. The drama almost tarnished Mr. T’s name. I know what it was all about and I know he didn’t do anything wrong. I stood behind him all the time. However, Mr. T was under a huge pressure that he thought maybe it was best for him to leave the gym.
“Jay, what if I change to a different gym. Would you come with me?” He asked.
“You know I would. But I also have to consider the distance of the new gym to my house. I rely on public transport.”
“I don’t mind picking you up and send you home every day.” He said.
The gym drama eventually went away and we continue to do our workout in the same old gym.
In another one evening, he gave me a ring and asked if I was free to watch a movie. Of course I said yes.
Few minutes later, he gave me another call. “Jay, here’s the plan. Another two friends are coming to watch the movie with us.”
Darn. I quietly thought.
Few hours later, he sent me a text message. “Jay, are you fine with this plan?”
Honesty is always the best policy. You better be right, Mr. Washington. “Well to be frank, I was like … oh, man. But I guess I’m okay. Are you okay with these two coming along?” I sent my text message.
He replied. “I was the one who invited them.”
Oh. I am dead. I thought those two just barged into our plan without an invitation. It didn’t cross my mind that Mr. T invited them.
Our movie night with our two friends didn’t turn out well from the get go. We were late 10 minutes because one of our friends decided not to join us at the very last minute.
Mr. T wasn’t happy with the guy. He erupted like I have never seen him before. I did my best to calm him down and thankfully I was able to.
We reserved four seats in the cinema. Two seats in one row and two more seats in another row.
Mr. T and I were supposed to sit together. He told me so. But it didn’t turn out that way. The other guy took my seat and sat beside Mr. T. I heard Mr. T said, “Sorry, Jay.”
So I slumped myself on the other seat with an empty seat beside.
Mr. T approached my seat in the middle of the movie. He handed me his mobile phone. “He’s here. He’s waiting outside the cinema. Text him and tell him that we left his ticket at a counter.” He whispered.
“Great, I’m a babysitter now.” I muttered under my breath.
It’s not appropriate to text message inside a cinema hall so I left the cinema hall grumpily.
I managed to fetch the other friend. But I lost 15 to 20 minutes of the movie on the way to get him.
When the movie ended, I excused myself to the rest room. The others stayed in the cinema hall as they wanted to watch the credit roll.
I returned to the cinema hall only to find them laughing with each other. It was like nothing wrong has happened. I wasn’t angry but indeed, frustrated.
The four of us then walked out the cinema hall altogether. The three continued to chat whilst I walked in silence. I prefer to stay quiet when I’m upset or frustrated.
It didn’t take long for Mr. T to notice my changing behavior.
“Jay, walk with me.” We strolled together in the cinema hall way leaving the other two behind us.
“Are you angry with me?” He asked. “Or is there anyone bothering you?”
“Kind of …” I muttered in a low voice. I don’t think he heard what I said.
I sat on the front seat in Mr. T’s car. He asked me to. Mr. T insisted to drop all of us at to our homes.
‘Jay, what’s wrong?” Mr. T asked again.
“Nothing.” I tried to avoid eye contact with him.
“Yeah, Jay. C’mon tell us what’s wrong?” One of our friends joined in.
“That was a horrible experience.” I blurted out. I wasn’t able to explain any further as I can turn into a tearful chap easily.
Mr. T wanted to send me home but I requested him to drop me at the nearest train station.
Before I left his car, he gave me a nudge with his left elbow. “Text me and tell me what went wrong, okay?”
“Sure.”
Well I didn’t text him that night. I was too annoyed and tired that I fell asleep instantly.
As expected, he gave me a call in the early next morning. I was still sleeping when he rang me.
He wanted to know what has happened on last night. So I explained to him from A to Z. I told him that I was fine. I already have forgotten the whole thing.
Then he took his turn to explain his side of story. Apparently he also left the cinema hall for a few minutes to find our friend. But our friend still didn’t show up at the time. So he went back into the cinema hall and asked me to text our friend via my mobile phone as his mobile phone was out of battery.
Okay, fair enough.
In Love
“Jay, I’m in love.” He finally confessed his feeling to me.
I gasped. This is it. I’m going to have a boyfriend! I’m going to have a boyfriend!
“I had a crush with this one girl in my old high school. But I never had the courage to ask her. Anyways I stumbled into her few days ago. She lives nearby my house.”
…
What?
I was numb.
I was completely crushed.
I was entirely confused.
On that moment, I tried to think as rational as possible but I failed. My mind was a total mess.
“What should I do? I want to get to know her closer but I am scared.” He continued.
My voice trembled. But I was able to give him an advice on how to approach the girl that he was in love with.
I didn’t cry. I was too confused to cry.
I repeatedly tried to figure out why he treated me in a very special way for months. He doesn’t treat other male friends in such way. There must be a good explanation for all these. There must be.
But I wasn’t able to find one.
Finding a Way Out
It was Monday; 6.30 in the morning. The city was still dark and deserted. But I already left my house and walked down the usual street to my office. I felt dull and heavy with a cloudy mind attached to it.
My eyes were dripping with tears. Who cares? The city was still pitch black and half awake. No one is going to hear me sob.
The office building’s security guards waved and saluted when they saw me. Sigh. I curved a weak smile and waved back to them. Sorry guys, I’m not in the best mood today.
My company’s working hours are from 10am to 6pm. But everyone knows that I have a habit of coming to office very early. I do morning workout inside the office and also do morning run around my office building.
But as I’ve mentioned before, I wasn’t in the best sprit on that day. I wasn’t in the mood to do my workout and to run.
I slouched myself on a black leather chair in the office’s meeting room. The meeting room is surrounded by tempered glasses with glittering sky scrappers as its panorama.
I stared at Mr. T’s old text messages on my mobile phone. “Would you like to watch a movie with me?”
“Take a deep breath, Jay.” I pleaded to myself.
With one finger swipe, I deleted all of his text messages from my mobile phone.
Now what? What should be the next step?
Be sensible.
I can distance myself from him by moving to a different gym. Unfortunately, I don’t think it would be a good solution as he would then call and ask me why. Beside it sounds more like running away from the problem.
Again. Be sensible, Jay.
…
Take a deep breath.
Exhale
Okay, here’s the solution.
Leave that feeling behind, Jay. Embrace him as a friend. Accept him as your best friend.
I lost him as my Prince Charming but I discovered a new best friend.
Moving On
It has been few days since the day of Mr. T’s confession.
Tough days for yours truly but I’m handling it well. As his best friend, I do my best to support and encourage Mr. T to get him closer to his crush.
Sure, I deleted all of his text messages. But that doesn’t stop him from sending me text messages.
I would be rude not to reply.
Mr. T and all of my friends know that I like to write essay. There’s no such thing as one sentence message from me. Text message is an essay. What’s App message is an essay. Everything needs to be an essay.
I don’t remember the exact words that I sent to him as I deleted my text message once it was sent to him. But it went like this:
“… Get to know her as a friend before making her as your lover. If she’s not single, don’t worry. Stay calm and move on. But if she is single, I doubt she would reject you. You know why? It’s because you’re an ideal guy who comes in a total package. I hope one day I will find a man like you. Fingers crossed for me.”
I nervously waited for his reply.
He didn’t reply instantly. He only replied on the next evening. He said that he’s grateful to have me as his friend and he hopes that our friendship will last forever.
Prince Charming Ever After
We usually train together in the gym on every Saturday. We meet at around 2.30pm. He would drive me home afterward.
But I didn’t want to see him yesterday. I already saw him on the night before. He asked me out to see a movie with those two guys again. I actually declined when he asked me out. His face fell when I said no. He then asked me again and again.
I gave up and said yes.
This time, he made sure that I sat beside him.
I came to the gym at 12.30pm instead of 2.30pm. I didn’t inform him that I was going to come early. I was able to finish my workout an hour earlier before he reaches the gym.
I walked home instead of taking a ride on his pumpkin carriage.
As expected, Mr. T gave me a call on that night. I know him very well. So does he with me.
“Jay, have you eaten your dinner?” He asked.
“Yes, I just finished mine. Why?”
“I have to eat my dinner outside tonight. There’s a water disruption so I’m unable to cook at home. I thought maybe you would like to join me.” He explained.
Me? Out of all people that you know. Sigh.
“Next time.” I replied quietly.
“Listen Jay, when we catch a new movie … we don’t need to bring those two again.” He added.
“Why? I don’t have any problem with them. They are our friends.”
“I know but it’s easier to catch a movie with just the two of us. No hassle.”
“Okay, if you say so.”
“And Jay, are you free on next Sunday?” He continued.
Oh boy, he’s not making things easier for me.
What If
Wild devilish whisper.
It came out of nowhere. It teased me.
What if he hasn’t discovered his other side, Jay?
What kind of straight man would ask another guy to grab a car key from his shorts that he was wearing? He didn’t ask our other male friends to do the same thing before and after.
What kind of straight guy would purposely stretch his sleeveless t-shirt, showcased and jiggled his pecs, and smiled teasingly at you? (I smiled and rolled my eyes when he did that.)
Maybe he’s a bisexual. Maybe he hasn’t discovered himself yet.
What if.
I shook myself. Jay, snap out of it!
Oh God, don’t go there. Don’t give me hopes.
P.S: Sorry, English is not my first language. By the way, there’s another topic that I would like to touch upon, which also requires an essay. I feel like I owe this one particular post to some of you. It relates to why I took a long leave from Gayspeak. But I don’t know when I will write it down.
Another thing, I have no plan to be active in Gayspeak anymore. I’m proud to be part of this wonderful family but my personal life needs me. Some people are able to balance both worlds (Internet and real life) with ease. But I can’t. I find Gayspeak to be hard to resist. I’m also not comfortable to write countless of personal essays in a public forum as I don’t want people to think that I’m seeking for an attention. I prefer to write things in my own little blog from time to time. .
Whilst I have no plan to be an active member, I will visit Gayspeak once in a few months or so to share an update on my personal life.
Thank you.
Regards,
Jay
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
let us know about your blog (which you seem to have a knack for (-; that was so fun to read!), but sad to see you leave 
Good luck for everything!
