Disconnect between romantic interest vs sexual interest

[GamerBoi]

I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this or can offer insight...

I find it hard to be both romantically and sexually attracted to the same guy at the same time. In general, the guys I'm attracted to romantically seem to be cuter, slim but still kind of lean-muscular, fun to kiss, etc. The guys I'm attracted to sexually tend to be tougher, buffer, more handsome than cute, etc (and yes, I'm a bottom ;p).

So, for example, I met someone new a while ago, developed a little romantic crush, but when I go to 'fantasize' about this new guy....nothing much happens lol. Alternatively, the guys I'm really sexually attracted to don't inspire many affectionate thoughts or feelings.

It bugs me because it's frustrating and doesn't seem to make sense. I find it hard to recall being attracted to any guy in both types of ways. And it has been (and is) an issue in my relationships as well. It's like I compartmentalize guys into one or the other.

Any thoughts or advice on how to bridge these seemingly distinct feelings and desires?

[Juniorlove]

Maybe you need time to actually start developing sexual interest for certain people. Sometimes there's a delay/build up between when the romantic interest starts and when the sexual interest starts. Sometimes they're just there, and at times you may have both missing and they gradually build up. Could be a ton of different scenarios honestly. I'm not really sure how to bridge those feelings together but i'd imagine with certain people they'd just come with time. Have you ever been sexually active with one that you only had romantic interest in and not sexual interest and vice versa?

[GamerBoi]

Because I'm more of a relationship person, I've only really experienced scenario # 1, being with someone I'm romantically attracted to, and the sex has been ok, but not mind blowing.

For now, this winds up being something that bothers me on more of an abstract level than on a practical one. In that I'm in a committed relationship of several years, and admittedly, the sex has waned ;p, but that is more about some other body issues my partner is working on.

Nevertheless, even as an abstract concern, I think this disconnect that I experience is worth trying to think about and figure out.