Should I Phone him?

[Dan1980]

After breaking up with my boyfriend I wondering will life get better. I was feeling fine over the weekend even went to a gay club and chatted to some cute guys but I was too shy to go any further with this one guy I liked. I got his phone number but I am too upset after the break up to phone him. What do you guys think should I phone him or wait until I feel better about the break up?

[Kiid]

It's a trap!

[Dan1980]

It's a trap!

What do you mean it's a trap?

[Kiid]

I don't even know u.u lol

Well what do you think about the situation?

[Dan1980]

I am not sure what to do.

[Woollyhats]

I was on a plane ride back to my city today, and these girls were talking behind me quite loudly. They were talking to their one friend about how to deal with her marriage/engagement ending (didn't quite catch it) and getting over the thoughts of hey ex-fiance/husband whatever. They told her that until she was totally finished with the idea of him, she was going to have thoughts of him in the place where her future partner should go. She agreed, and they talked about how she was having fun trying things without him and realising she was happy and capable being single, and that she wanted to do this before going into a relationship again. She had in fact just run a marathon. It was nice, and at the end of the plane ride everyone at the back of the plane looked at them and was like, "I couldn't really help over hearing the past hour, but I feel like I learned a lot" XD.

I think the reason I shared this, is because I want to ask you if you're just jumping from one person to the next. If you're doing that, you could be biased towards someone you don't really want because you're still upset. Just something to think about.


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ON THE OTHER HAND,

If you are so over your ex-boyfriend that you're like, "Oh, what was that guys name again???" (joking of course), and you just want to meet people and have fun, CALL THE NUMBER! It sounds like you want too. Just make sure you're doing it for the right reasons! And good luck, you seem like nothing but a great person, and I really think you deserve the best.

[Tim18]

If you real want to phone him then just go for it Dan or if you feel your not ready wait awhile.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Hmmm.

Personally, I allow more than a month or a few weeks to pass between the time I break up with someone and the time I put myself out there again. Last time I waited about 6 months... about. But then along the line I figured out that around year 6-7 of that last relationship I was in it moved from 'lovers' to roommates. Which meant that the remaining 7-8 years were not really a relationship.

In my mind a person who quickly runs out to find another person is needy, and is incapable of working on their own internal issues and are seeking for someone outside of themselves to 'fix' them. That ain't gonna happen - ever.

There are no prince charming, no knights on shining armor - no one is going to charge into you life and rescue you from your life and most important from yourself.

I strongly urge you to seriously considering taking at least 6 months from the whole dating scene - forget men for a while and start working on whatever you brought to your last relationship that you feel 'broke' the relationship. Yes I know, its real easy to focus on the other persons 'issues' and what it was they did to break the relationship, thus you need time to seriously consider what it is you did.

While I could sit here and list your faults for you - I fear that that will do you no good. Instead you need to think on what happened in the last relationship and 'own' your part in it whatever that may be to whatever extent that may be.

Rebound relationships rarely, if ever, work out. Both parties get hurt, and if you get into the habit of rebounding you can set it up as a life long pattern and never find a decent working relationship.

Lastly, one needs to understand who they are as an individual before they can really be part of an 'us'. Right now you most likely still consider yourself as being part of this last Us - may actually still think in terms of "X and Me" instead of terms of "I".

I seriously doubt you have had enough time to figure out who you are as an individual now. And yes, kid yourself not, you have changed drastically and who you were before the Ex and who you are now after the ex is pretty much two distinctly different individuals.

So go out and have fun, drink, look, maybe even have random acts of casual sex - if that is what floats your boat. However for the time being try not to get involved until you have worked through 'stuff'.

[MisterTinkles]

Different people need different amounts of time to get over something.

If you feel hesitant about calling this guy, then dont.

It seems you want to be out in public, but not so much to be "looking" for something. If you are anything like me (and yes, I hear everybody screaming "OH NO YOURE NOT"!!), you like being out in public, but dont really want any interaction other than polite conversation. Being out in public makes you feel a little better....like you arent all alone in the world. And you arent.

Your GS friends/buddies are here.

[LateBloomer]

Take a break from dating.

There will always be single men out there available for dating.

I got involved with someone who wasn't entirely over his last relationship and let me tell you....it's a PAIN.

It's not fair to the other guy.

Date YOURSELF for a little while. Get to know YOURSELF better.

DON'T call him. No texting. Nothing. No contact. It's OVER. Press on.

Good luck.