Moral Dilemma

[livingproof]

So basically, I'm 21 almost 22 and a virgin. I'm on the heavier side but would like to getting a feeling for what I like and don't. It's against my moral code to have "flings"...but at the same time I am trying to discovery myself and stuff. Should I just resign myself to not having sex until I'm in love, or "experiment". Granted I know these will just be opinions of course.

[LateBloomer]

So basically, I'm 21 almost 22 and a virgin. I'm on the heavier side but would like to getting a feeling for what I like and don't. It's against my moral code to have "flings"...but at the same time I am trying to discovery myself and stuff. Should I just resign myself to not having sex until I'm in love, or "experiment". Granted I know these will just be opinions of course.

Stand back. I'm the original Late Bloomer. I was a 35 year old virgin. And I'm not bragging.

I think it's admirable to hold out for love--to a point. Here's the thing, sex is great, but it's also clumsy, awkward and takes practice. It can also be emotional and a bit of a power trip for some people.

In other words, it's powerful stuff.

I would never tell someone to compromise their beliefs for mere practical convenience, but honestly, let's be practical here. By the time you fall in love with someone special things usually move along a little smoother if you already have some experience. Not just sexual experience, but relationship experience; life experience.

You SHOULD use your youth to discover yourself. I was hiding from myself for a very long time, but that's a whole different story.

Just be honest with your dates about your expectations. Have fun dating and playing the field. There is no shame in that if you do it honestly and sincerely.

[Dreamer]

I wouldn't wait it out, personally. There's nothing wrong with dating. I don't find it in the same spectrum as "hookups" or "flings". I think those are sleazy, unlike dating where you're testing the waters for something potentially long-term and amazing.

Now about the sexual stuff... A little experience goes a long way... It's nice to wait for that special someone, but it's also awkward if you don't know what the hell you're doing, when you get down to the nitty gritty with prince charming.

Have fun! You're in your prime. You'll regret waiting until you're older, assuming you'll even get there, cuz heck.... LIFE IS SHORT & unexpected. You never know when your time is up. So have fun while you still can.

[dfiant]

the only dilemma with morals is doing something that you are not comfortable with. If you consider a certain behaviour to be immoral and makes you uncomfortable....don't do it.

If you ffel you can live with a certain behaviour, then go out and have some fun. A lot of us were promiscuous when we were younger and don't regret it

[pellaz]

... t's against my moral code to have "flings" ...

with or with out the moral stuff; important to keep it as a class act. Treat people a little better than they expect. Think things through and at a speed that you have time to be logical and confidant.

[Lalo]

Sex is sex. At its best, it is shared with a loving partner who knows your likes and dislikes and can drive you crazy. But it is also a physical act, one which can be extremely fulfilling in and of itself.

Personally, whenever I hear that someone's "moral code" puts them in opposition to "flings", I wonder whether they have truly self-examined their own morals and where they originate. At a young age, I realized that my own "moral code" was actually a reflection of my strict Catholic upbringing and really had nothing to do with who or what I am. After some deep and painful self-evaluation, I determined my own moral code. Here are some of those ideas that make up my own "moral code":

1. Sex is not bad or immoral. It is two people sharing their bodies for each other's pleasure.
2. If someone is attracted to me and I am attracted to them, it would seem immoral to deny either of us the right to have sex.
3. Safe sex is morally right.
4. Two healthy, consenting adults cannot do anything together that is immoral as long as consent is given throughout. "Go" means "go", but "No" means "no"!

I am glad that I had a lot of sexual experiences with a lot of different men. It has made me a better person, more accepting of others, and broadened my knowledge. It has also made me a better lover and one who reacts quickly to signals received from my partners. I don't believe in using words like "slut" or "sleaze" in judging people. They are based in a cultural paradigm that has no basis in reality.

Before you engage in sex, I hope that you really analyze what you truly believe. Establish your "moral code" based on YOUR beliefs, then go from there. And recognize that morality and personal ethics are part of our evolution in life. They change and grow with us. Good luck on your journey. Do what is right for you.

[Counselor]

Dating will also provide a learning curve for the personality type you want to be with. My first relationship I learned that I wanted to be with someone close to my age, independent, intelligent, and emotionally secure.

[Bricg1970]

Experimenting also allow to meet your preferences on what you want, how do you want and teach you also how to deal in certain circumstances

[SolemnBoy]

I personally don't understand why people find sex without love to be immoral so I'd say go for it. But since you're hesitant I can imagine some guilt afterwards. With that in mind I think it's safe to say you need to work out how you really feel then act accordingly.

[RingLeader]

I'd say you just need to put yourself out there on the dating scene! You don't need to have sex until you find yourself in a committed boyfriend, but the fact is I know LOTS of people who like heavier guys. I am one of them you can bet! A boy with a little more to offer is always my style and I KNOW there are many other guys who want their big teddy bear for men. Just get out on the dating scene, find some way to meet guys and when you get there, you can totally find someone who you WANT to have sex with. It may not be "the one" but the main point in having sex is doing it with someone you WANT to .