I know we have alot of international users here for them and anyone else who doesnt know I need to explain sort of how the south work(s) in the US. I guess it all started back in the time of slavery and through the civil war when people felt like the white race was better than any other "colored" race and enslaved them. Unfortunately, that sentiment is still alive and kicking in the south today. Its not nearly as bad as it used to be thankfully. More people are understanding and tolerant and well lets face it, theyre just not ignorant/dumb, backwards rednecks anymore.
That said, I grew up in the midst of all that. Its something that I struggle with still to this day. Basically my parents were pretty much racist growing up. Not overtly racist mind you but whenever they had to meet/converse with a person of color after they were done they would always say something racist, sometimes without even realizing it I think. Another example was my dad worked with a few black people at the place he worked at. He would always say something like, "I like _____ but I wouldnt have him over for Sunday dinner." And he would always say that about the black people and not any of the white people.
Anyways long story short, its something Ive always had to deal with in the back of my mind. For example if a person of color cuts me off in the road in my mind I might call them well some bad/racist words. But then I catch myself and feel bad because I dont want to be a racist. I dont want to act like that. I dont think Ive ever really acted on those feelings. Like I dont think Ive ever called a black person the n word and it would take ALOT for me to do that. It would certainly have to be very provoked if I did. I dont think black people or any other race for that matter is inferior to me or any other race.
Oh I guess the reason I put this in the gay dating section is because I was never attracted to black people specifically at all. Ive always wondered if thats because of those racist feelings that I was taught growing up or if it was just my personal preference. Had I not met the love of my life who I live with now I wouldnt be opposed to dating a black person.(my bf is Asian - Korean to be specific) I just have never seen one that I think is attractive. Its something that Ive always wrestled with. Ive talked to other people about it and they always say that since Id be willing to date a black person that its not racist but just personal preference. I guess its all academic now since like I said Im in a relationship and Im going to be with him for the rest of our lives.
What do you all think though? Am I all kinds of crazy for obsessing/stressing over this throughout the years?
ok... I can only say this because I was raised by the most backwards group that's not from the South: The Mormons.
Everything that you were exposed to affects you in someway. The hostility, no matter how slight, your parents showed affects you mentally. In your mind, you now believe that black are in a sense lesser, but (this is a big thing) you can see past that and see how wrong it is. However, those memories will be tucked away in your mind's subconscious. It's hard to say. You're not racist.
yeah I really dont think anyone can say they are racist free...Everyone at some point in their life has had a racist thought or two. It depends more on your actions after youve had those thoughts rather than someone being a bad person just for having those thoughts. If that makes any sense at all. lol
Ive just always wondered if those things I saw growing up affected how I see black men specifically since Ive never found one to be attractive. Like if I saw a shirtless Denzel Washington, Taye Diggs, or Will Smith on tv, I dont ever really remember being even slightly turned on or attracted to any of them. As opposed to say Taylor Lautner or Colin Farrell who can turn me on in a heart beat.
But like I said I dont think less of a black person because of that. I mean if anything when Im dealing with a black person I would probably go out of my way to be nicer to them just I guess out of guilt of those thoughts/feelings Ive had before. Which that is probably just as wrong in some way too. =\ I just just try to treat everyone equally since we are all humans when its all said and done.
It's unfortunately true that children are inevitably affected by the attitude of their parents. After all, to some extent they educate you and most certainlyt they impose their own views on you. That said, you seem to have overcome many of their views to form your own opinions. Don't feel bad that maybe at times, some of your parent's opinions surface in you. At least you realise it and you are able to rationalise to the extent that you can pull yourself up when you realise what you might have been on the point of saying.
I can understand your non-attraction to black people. With a very few exceptions they don't appeal to me either, it's just a matter of personal taste. I can understand totally why people are not attracted to me, even I admit that I am not the most attractive apple on the tree. So, I don't believe that you are racist.
Whenever I'm met with a difficulty in my life or a moral dilemma that I can't quite resolve myself, I always look to one source to help me sort it all out: Showtunes!
Hi there person with another awkward name to spell, (so im not going to bother!) , i think you’ll find most people are aware (at least loosely) of the history of the north and south American divide, and the civil war, which effects were felt throughout the world. It wasn't just that white people felt better though was it, it was slavery, bit of a simple explanation you gave, and im sure were all aware its moved on since then. Good for you for being honest what you told us, ive personally heard the N word many times, and the p word, ive known the "mild" racism you mentioned, and the more virullent kind, its quite self-serving, stems from some kind of love of country, patriatism, which is the last virtue of the wicked, i never understood that oscar wilde quote for a while, i thought it meant patriatism was a bad virtue, but then i realised it meant when a wicked person has lost all virtues, the one remaining virtue is patriatism, and then i loved that quote, its so true.
KawaiiKitty Wrote:I know we have alot of international users here for them and anyone else who doesnt know I need to explain sort of how the south work(s) in the US. I guess it all started back in the time of slavery and through the civil war when people felt like the white race was better than any other "colored" race and enslaved them. Unfortunately, that sentiment is still alive and kicking in the south today. Its not nearly as bad as it used to be thankfully. More people are understanding and tolerant and well lets face it, theyre just not ignorant/dumb, backwards rednecks anymore.
That said, I grew up in the midst of all that. Its something that I struggle with still to this day. Basically my parents were pretty much racist growing up. Not overtly racist mind you but whenever they had to meet/converse with a person of color after they were done they would always say something racist, sometimes without even realizing it I think. Another example was my dad worked with a few black people at the place he worked at. He would always say something like, "I like _____ but I wouldnt have him over for Sunday dinner." And he would always say that about the black people and not any of the white people.
Anyways long story short, its something Ive always had to deal with in the back of my mind. For example if a person of color cuts me off in the road in my mind I might call them well some bad/racist words. But then I catch myself and feel bad because I dont want to be a racist. I dont want to act like that. I dont think Ive ever really acted on those feelings. Like I dont think Ive ever called a black person the n word and it would take ALOT for me to do that. It would certainly have to be very provoked if I did. I dont think black people or any other race for that matter is inferior to me or any other race.
Oh I guess the reason I put this in the gay dating section is because I was never attracted to black people specifically at all. Ive always wondered if thats because of those racist feelings that I was taught growing up or if it was just my personal preference. Had I not met the love of my life who I live with now I wouldnt be opposed to dating a black person.(my bf is Asian - Korean to be specific) I just have never seen one that I think is attractive. Its something that Ive always wrestled with. Ive talked to other people about it and they always say that since Id be willing to date a black person that its not racist but just personal preference. I guess its all academic now since like I said Im in a relationship and Im going to be with him for the rest of our lives.
What do you all think though? Am I all kinds of crazy for obsessing/stressing over this throughout the years?
I know EXACTLY where you are coming from. My family wasn't racist, that I knew of (except for my sister)...but they used the words you aren't supposed to use....not because they were being mean or anything, its just the term they were brought up with. And if you are from the "old south", you know its not a racial thing, its a culture thing.
Most Southerners have gotten away from slang terms for black people, but some still use them. Like any word you use, it really depends on the intent behind the use of the word.
There is a LOT of leeway in the south when it comes to southern talk.
Most people wont admit it, but we all have bad things running through our minds when someone it nasty, hateful, or rude to us....in a store, on the road, or at the company picnic.
Its human nature. Its only a problem if its acted on.
Dont worry, you're just human.
Ive pretty much replaced all of my "bad words" with retard. It pretty much fits everybody who's stupid, racist, or whatever.
Gurl please, it is 2013, and ain't no black person raised in the modern century worried about any of the N words lol.
Being black(half technically...sigh), I don't find the word even remotely offensive, even though the more accurate term for me is Mulatto, rather than Negro, and even still, word's in general just don't bother me. (being a "hybrid", I tend not to really see myself as either, but both and neither at the same time. Which is why I say "them" when speaking about black or white people :/ - quick note)
Neither does it for black people in general(full or otherwise) and is actually considered a word of somewhat morbid endearment, as it was a word to denote them as a whole, but have now taken the word and made it theirs, like how gay people have taken Homo,Queer and other such previously derogatory words as their own.
True, some black people are still sensitive to it, especially coming from a white person, but they were probably raised by their parent's who still hold a grudge and/or just don't want another race using their word, because it'll no longer be theirs. And this has happened with many things that were atypical of black culture; Rap Music, Braids, Eubonics and other things white people now partake in that was "black only" stuff.
And I'm not saying go to the next black person and be like, "so wassup my nigga?" , cause even if they don't mind it, the fact you don't know them and they don't know the real intent behind you using the word can lead to you going black and coming back blue :/. But just don't be so awkward around them, because they're not slaves, just regular people :p
As for attraction, I personally find black skin to be extremely beautiful, but probably because I was raised around black people primarily, so it's normal to me. But you musn't let stereotypes and what not imfluence or inhibit what you may or may not be attracted to or could be attracted to.
I used to think white skin was very...bland? Even though I'm fair skinned(but exotic ), but it never has stopped me from crushing on white guys, infact, nor for any other reason for that matter.
Sis, it seems you need a black friend. Hi, my name is QueenOdi and once you go black, you don't eva wanna go back! So come on jack, bring a backpack and a snack.
QueenOdi Wrote:Sis, it seems you need a black friend. Hi, my name is QueenOdi and once you go black, you don't eva wanna go back! So come on jack, bring a backpack and a snack.
Sorry, I did black for two years after the Native American and ended up with Eastern European after the black... If Eastern European (Carpathian European) isn't white then after that was the white - well I think white, one of those all mixed up melting pot folk who had no idea what was in his family tree.
OP, I as raised by a die in the wool hard line bigot. I was beaten once for daring to bring one of my friends into the house to study with. Oh he was black. I didn't do that again. My mother was a most vocal hater of anyone who wasn't part of her narrow views of acceptable. Her last husband was even worse - if at all possible.
I stopped thinking in those words and terms when I decided to break out of the programming and actually stop using those terms/words. Of course for me it was more 'I don't want to be like my folks in any way'... so I was deeply motivated to change my habits.
So Im from the southern US...
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Sagittarius
), but it never has stopped me from crushing on white guys, infact, nor for any other reason for that matter.![[Image: tumblr_lkxb2wGV4x1qh8hleo1_500.gif]](https://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkxb2wGV4x1qh8hleo1_500.gif)
My mother was a most vocal hater of anyone who wasn't part of her narrow views of acceptable. Her last husband was even worse - if at all possible.