Boyfriend loves another guy

[princealbertofb]

My boyfriend actually asked the guy I cheated with if it happened. That guy admitted it. This was apparentlt back in March to May last year. He only confronted me in January this year. Whoops, it was 9 months, not 19 months.

Why did he stay all this since March 2012? He said he wanted to see if I can give him a reason to stay and make it up to him.

And did you?

[Nick9]

Why did he stay all this since March 2012?

Perhaps because you are his first. He could blame himself that your bad behavior was caused by something HE did. He could feel like if he didn't save the relationship, the world would crush on top of his head. Unfortunately, this may easily happen, BECAUSE he decided to stay with you.
It's up to you.

[dragonboi]

And did you?

I really don't know - I gave everything into the relationship. I guess he saw how I changed for the better, for the both of us.

My boyfriend is currently with Jay and his friends right now. My boyfriend still wanted to be friends with Jay. I wasn't comfortable with the idea, but I figured it wasn't my say to stop him from seeing others. My boyfriend did tell me he would reject all advances and only see Jay with a group of friends - that is, no one-on-one dates. I guess you can say he met me halfway.

I'm just very anxious now. I trust my boyfriend to reject any advances Jay might make. But I'm so insecure. The uncertainty is killing me. I'm just scared

[princealbertofb]

Dragonboi, just tell him that you are scared. I'm sure he'll tell you there's nothing to worry about. Your boyfriend sounds pretty levelheaded to me. As I said previously, there's no way you can tie another person down, not if they are intent on following their desires, but you could come to a rule that if he "has to" stray, then he'll be careful and remember to use protection, for your sake, his sake and the other partner's sake.

After all if it's only about sex, it's not going to kill you, nor, probably, your relationship. I wonder how he would feel if you gave him that liberty. Would he consider it as you not caring? Would he, on the contrary, see it as a token of trust? You can ask how he would feel about that kind of arrangement. If he has that liberty, would you wish to have the same liberty? Make sure that he understands that YOU have no intention of renewing the cheating experience, if that's how you feel about it. Cut him that slack; he'll know you trust him, he'll do everything he can not to disappoint you. If you end up losing him, it's probably that you've both failed to renew your respective "engagements". But were there ever any engagements taken?

I would say that with his history of depression it's pretty healthy for him to have a few friends, including some gay ones. Think about it in that light.
Good luck, Dragonboi.
PS I asked whether you two lived together, but you didn't answer that question. Sharing the same living accomodation can make things difficult, if other intimacy is to take place, ie not intimacy between the two of you, but that again, is something you can discuss.

[dragonboi]

The both of us don't live with each other.

My boyfriend and I used to have a mutual friend, Tony. Tony has since severed all contact with my boyfriend under the belief that my boyfriend cheated with Tony's ex. I know for a fact my boyfriend didn't, but Tony is stubborn and believes otherwise.

Any way, Tony started talking to me on Monday after 18 months of not talking to me. We were just engaging in general chit-chat. I told my boyfriend, and he got very upset and jealous. Whenever a guy talks to me, he gets very jealous in general. I just don't get it. So it's alright when he talks to Jay, but not alright when I talk to Tony?

My boyfriend actually invited Jay and a girl back to his place last night. I asked him if he invited Jay over, and he said no. I found photos that suggested otherwise and confronted him. He said "I didn't invite Jay. He tagged along." That response was so unsatisfactory and pathetic. But my boyfriend did assure me that he slept with his sister, and not with Jay. My boyfriend said he didn't want to hurt me. That may be so, but lying about it didn't help did it.

I'm really back where I began now. Lost and confused. Wanting it to work and giving it my all for it to work, but knowing ending it would be so much easier.

[trent69]

He sounds confused, and like he probably is screwing around. The only way to stop hurting is to just switch off and stop thinking about it. Give him his own space and let him do his own thing. If he loves you, he will come to you. If he loves this other guy, he will stay with him. Pestering him about it will only push him away. Leaving him to do whatever he wants will show you what type of person he really is and will help you make a decision.

[dragonboi]

So my boyfriend has been seeing Jay over the weekend - strictly as friends, and I genuinely trust him.

I now think that my boyfriend has a severe mental illness brought about by family, studies and our relationship. He had a massive mood swing when he found out that Tony was talking to me and became very jealous. He blamed everything on me, and said it would be so much easier to dump me. I said I'm not the cause of everything (heck, might as well blame the GFC on me), and I said dumping me will not resolve all his problems. He even blamed me for his uni stress - I said if he managed his time better, he wouldn't be overwhelmed by uni. But he was adamant it was my fault.

He also just cracked and told his entire family that he hates them for restricting his freedom. Being 19, and the youngest son, his parents are very protective of him, and he hates being restricted.

I know it's his mental illness speaking, but it is becoming increasingly difficult. I'm not a punching bag. He always tells me "I don't want to think right now". He runs away from his problems. If only he would seek some professional help. Why is he pushing the people who love him the most away from him.. Sorry guys, just needed to rant.