You're afraid he is going to be with someone else if he goes, but don't you think he was also feeling this way while you were dating other guys?
He cares for you more than he does for the other guy. Otherwise he would already be there, no matter your opinion about it. I just think that if it was up to you to choose if you should be with other guys while you were on break, why shouldn't this decision be up to him?
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I shouldn't let his feelings for someone else define his feelings for me. I guess I'm just going to have to show him how much I care about him without limiting him. If things work out between them with the distance between them then they deserve one another.
Thanks, everyone
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In a way it even sounds like you're giving up. Don't.
If you love him, go after him and show him how much you care. This open-looking-monogamous relationship doesn't seem to work for either one of you. Like Nick said, try to set some rules or make it (conventional) monogamous.
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Let's ask Mr. Webster about a certain word:
Monogamous
1. The practice or condition of having a single sexual partner during a period of time.
2. a. The practice or condition of being married to only one person at a time.
b. The practice of marrying only once in a lifetime.
Now then, since both you and he have had other partners, you can't use the term 'monogamous' to define your relationship, because its not one of monogamy but one of polygamy.
These open relationships always run the risk that sooner or later something better comes along and then the next thing you know one partner is feeling left out, or that they are going to lose their partner because their partner is spending way so much time with the new comer.
The main problem with open relationships is that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Well actually the grass is brown and dead on both sides of the fence, it just looks greener over there.
Guess what, your BF has found a patch of greener grass... I do not know if you are able to compete with that, I do not know if the BF will realize that what he is looking at is only the promise of greener pastures (it most likely won't be if he leaps over the fence).
"A part of me says that it's definitely NOT going to work because it's long distance and they JUST met so relocating is more or less out of the question right now."
Interesting, you said that your relationship with him started as a long distance one and you moved in with him. Um are you saying that yours is an unusual case and won't ever happen again? Personally if I had that experience I wouldn't dismiss the potential for a long distance relationship bearing fruit. Or maybe i would resort to living in denial too...
I think what you and your partner need to do is sit down and really communicate about this. Find out what it is he REALLY wants and you decide what you REALLY want - none of this manipulating, lying, scheming to hold on to a once was thinking that that is what the other wants to hear.
And I think you are learning a very important lesson here about how things work, perhaps you will at least come away from this understanding that open relationships run the risks that you now face and you will understand why monogamy ain't such a bad thing.
Frankly, I think he is bored with you - wants something new. If he is around your age, maybe he has outgrown this 'us' and needs a new us. Maybe you outgrew this us and need a new us too.... Us being this relationship you have.
Can you forbid him to go - sure, however forbidding your partner in a relationship anything usually does not end well.
Communicate... tell him what you feel... Then listen to what he feels.
Compromise if at all possible....
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Boyfriend of 4 years
