A Guy Just Called Me A "Stage 5 Clinger"...

[Misfit]

I made a thread on here a while ago about my terrible breakup.

Some time has passed...There's still some lingering hurt but I had get in touch with something or someone or have some fun. So I met a guy off Grindr (I know) we talked for a while. I picked up that there was a connection then we hooked up and talked a little more.

I'm not stupid and I wasn't born yesterday. Grindr is NOT the place to go looking for relationships. One of the points of my discussion before we parted ways was whether or not he was interested.

There was ZERO pressure. I fully understand the terms of hooking up and in my attempt to be assertive I asked him multiple questions. I told him that it's fine if he just wanted to hook up. If he wanted this to be a one-time thing and we never talk again I was fine with that too. If he wanted to see where it goes that's cool too.

I was somewhat interested in him but I obviously wouldn't be heartbroken whatever his answer was. I had only known the guy for a few hours. I wanted to be honest upfront and told him multiple times if he wants to cut communication right here and then, be friends or whatever I'm fine with it. I'm not going to stalk him, hate him, or throw him under a bus.

But he replies and says that he's interested. He would love to have coffee, or make plans, yada, yada yada.

So we meetup for a brief coffee the next day and everything goes fine then we part ways. We text a little. In a relationship I have always been the bigger texter. I am connected to technology, which is part of my job, I constantly have my phone on me because I am replying to emails.

So I text him multiple times, the replies seem to vary. For someone who is interested the replies are a little weak but for someone who isn't interested why is he even replying at all?

So today I hear from a friend who knows him, and this guy doesn't know my friend knows me, that when they were looking on Grindr they say my picture and this guy called me a "Stage 5 Clinger".

For anyone who doesn't know what that means its a term usually used to refer to people right after they lose their virginity then cling insanely to that person and regard them as their hero.

What the hell happened here?

I'm about as assertive as I can be and I still get shafted? How much clearer could my words have been? "If you are not interested in any relationship whatsoever be it sex, friends, or buddies I fully understand."

I'm told he was interested. I'm led on then betrayed and talked about behind my back. You have to be kidding me.

What is it with guys these days? I'm losing all hope here. My breakout wasn't an insane amount of time ago and the one time I try to must up some fun it blows up in my face.

This is absolutely miserable. I'm so incredibly lonely and it hurts like hell.

[chrisconker]

just go with the flow...be a man whore sex is good

[HomeagainNYC]

So I met a guy off Grindr (I know) we talked for a while.

Grindr is NOT the place to go looking for relationships.

What part of your own post don't you understand?

[pellaz]

... I hear from a friend who knows him, and this guy doesn't know my friend knows me, that when they were looking on Grindr they say my picture and this guy called me a "Stage 5 Clinger" ... its a term usually used to refer to people right after they lose their virginity then cling insanely to that person and regard them as their hero ...

little confused where after meeting this person did he say this:
-right before/ after the grinder thingy
-after the coffee meet up
-after you text him (face it a phone is an extension of our selves; deal with it)

... My breakup wasn't an insane amount of time ago and the one time I try to must up some fun it blows up in my face ... This is absolutely miserable. I'm so incredibly lonely and it hurts like hell.

you still have a thin skin form the breakup. Nothing else, things are better than expected. I think he is interested .

if he is functional:
tell him maybe he is the first boy after a break up an you are hoping the sex is good.
i met my husband on a hook up but dont have any expectations.

if he is NOT interested:
sorry not the end of the world, look at the next guy on grinder.

either way while this is all happening look for a second hook up or date.

[Misfit]

just go with the flow...be a man whore sex is good

I think that's what I'm going to do now. Just start hooking up and when we're done say "Get the hell out"

What part of your own post don't you understand?

Yea I know. I'm full aware of Grindr and the guys that are on it. In the past though it's been very upfront. Guys will clearly state that they are NOT looking for a relationship, or friends, or whatever they just want to do hookups.

He said he was interested, amongst many other "sweet" things. So I guess now I'll accuse everyone of lying off that app if it ever goes past a wham, bam, thank you mam.

little confused where after meeting this person did he say this:
-right before/ after the grinder thingy
-after the coffee meet up
-after you text him (face it a phone is an extension of our selves; deal with it)

you still have a thin skin form the breakup. Nothing else, things are better than expected. I think he is interested .

if he is functional:
tell him maybe he is the first boy after a break up an you are hoping the sex is good.
i met my husband on a hook up but dont have any expectations.

if he is NOT interested:
sorry not the end of the world, look at the next guy on grinder.

either way while this is all happening look for a second hook up or date.

He said this after all of the above that you listed.

He wasn't the greatest catch either way I just wanted to see where it goes. Personally, I just really think as upfront as I was I don't see an issue with being honest. Why purposely deceive people that you're interested? What exactly is someone gaining from this?

[pellaz]

... What exactly is someone gaining from this?

as mentioned above appreciate the sex while you got it.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Humans lie, often and often enough without remorse.

His interest was most likely to keep you on the hook in case he needed that itch scratched again. His attitude is typical of the species as well, once bored or annoyed they lie, manipulate, cheat whatever it takes to get their selfish, greedy selves satisfied.

Its human nature. It comes with the territory.

You got burned. I bet it wasn't the first time and I assure you it won't be the last time.

Well it could be the last time, if instead you stop using Grind'r and find some other way to connect with potential long term mates - if that is what you want.

If a LTR is not what you want, then stick with Grind'r and don't offer this other 'potential'.

[LateBloomer]

I agree I would keep my expectations low on Grindr BUT, I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt here.

You gave him an exit. He indicated he'd like to stick around. And now he's bitching about being cooped up.

At BEST, those are mixed signals and evidence that he really doesn't know what he wants or how to communicate it to you.

You're pretty young, not a child, but still have lots of miles left on you.


I assume the other guy is about the same age--you don't say. But basically this wishy-washiness comes with the territory (age, gender, hook ups, etc).

If you can manage to have some fun with him, go ahead, but maybe you should make it clear you're still shopping around for a full time boyfriend, and when you find him you'll let this guy know ONE MORE TIME where the exit is located.

Good luck.

[Misfit]

Humans lie, often and often enough without remorse.

His interest was most likely to keep you on the hook in case he needed that itch scratched again. His attitude is typical of the species as well, once bored or annoyed they lie, manipulate, cheat whatever it takes to get their selfish, greedy selves satisfied.

Its human nature. It comes with the territory.

You got burned. I bet it wasn't the first time and I assure you it won't be the last time.

Well it could be the last time, if instead you stop using Grind'r and find some other way to connect with potential long term mates - if that is what you want.

If a LTR is not what you want, then stick with Grind'r and don't offer this other 'potential'.

Thanks. I think there's a lot of wisdom in this post. And I suppose it makes sense...It's the nature of the people who use the app and you're right...Very typical.

Considering I had been so honest and just said "I'm fine with this being a one-thing thing, yada yada yada." It seems so deceiving for him to purposely lead someone on when he's obviously not interested.

But I get it. I like your post a lot.

Not that I'm necessarily in the market to date...But where would you suggest meeting people both offline and online?

[dfiant]

Humans lie, often and often enough without remorse.

THIS

and that is regardless of weather you meet the guy on grindr, OK Cupid, at the pub, at work or just start chatting a the 'nice' guy sitting next to you in a coffee shop.

Men are Liars....men are bastards, got nothing to do with how or where you meet them.