Hello,
I recently met a guy who I hit it off with pretty well. We must have talked for an hour or two. Anyhow, a former boyfriend approached and was just shooting the breeze for a minute. When he left, I made a comment like "he was a nice guy." the guy I was talking to said that his ex was a jerk. It turns out that his ex gave him herpes 2 and he had it for the rest of his life. Obviously, I was sympathetic but also kind of bummed. I was thinking about it for awhile and I wondered if I were to get to know him more, would I date him or let myself be in a relationship. What do you think? Would you date or be with someone who had an STD?
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No.
I lived in a mixed relationship with HIV for over 12 years. Living with HIV as a third partner is not fun. Yeah I know, herpes isn't HIV, however the same issues of giving it to the partner without it will arise.
I have decided that being with a person with an incurable contagious disease is just too much work.
Besides, I still idealize the ability to be in a loving, committed relationship and being able to do things like go bare-backing...
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Yes.
I have had two ex-lovers die from AIDS. I was not with either at the time, but I still loved both of them. Although it is an added burden on a relationship, and one which I would much rather do without, life is too short not to live it and love makes life worth living. There are a lot of worse diseases out there to deal with than herpes. What about diabetes, cancer, or heart disease? Those are killers, but I don't see a lot of people avoiding relationships based on their partner having those diseases.
I understand Bowyn's point of view. He's speaking from his heart and I think that his position is just as viable as my own. But I just am coming from a different place. I think that everyone has to make their own decisions in these situations. There is no "right" answer for everyone. You have to determine the "right" answer for you.
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As far as I know heart disease and cancer are not contagious.
My 14 year relationship ended because my ex decided it was better to have sex with lots and lots of strangers than to run the risk of infecting me with HIV. It was the constant nagging fear of infecting me that drove him to other solutions.
I do not want to be in that type of relationship again. I do not want the fear of infecting the other to be a constant companion in the relationship.
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With all honesty, I would have to say I could never live with anyone who was contagious.
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Thanks so far. I hear good arguments on both sides. Yes, you only live once and yes a disease could really be hard on a relationship.
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Please, it's just herpes, comparing it to dating someone with HIV is a ridiculous hyperbole. There is a big difference between 6-12 weeks a year of some swollen sores on the genitals and a life threatening immune disorder.
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[HTML] hyperbole. There is a big difference[/HTML]
As the most cerebral poster here you're certainly someone to be paid attention too. However, you missed this one; your reference was off.
I do, however, recognize you -not precisely - but, I'm of the opinion, you will do some amazing things........
Insusnient - I'm thinking?
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(side note: In the terms of posters on this thread, "contagious" people are only "contagious" when you put yourself at risk of catching their predicament. i.e. bare-backing, sharing needles, anonymous care-free hook-ups, etc... Other than than, they're just people, like you and me. Mind-blowing, right?! Also, they're not dirty, and you're not "clean", by any means..)
Most people with STD's don't know they have them because most people don't get tested, in fear of finding out that they're "contagious" (as some of you put it), and some just don't give a fuck.
Ignorance is bliss.
So don't go assuming you're safe from contracting anything that's out there based on the say so of someone you're about to fuck or get fucked by. People lie, and most will say they're "clean" (contradicting term stupid people use) based on never being tested in the first place.
People who bare-back are fucking retarded. Committed relationships don't give anyone the leeway to fuck without condoms, unless you're fucking retarded, of course..
I'm sorry to say it, but monogamy is an illusion. We as human's were not made to stick to just one person for a lifetime, or long period of time. It's nice to fantasize about, but it's not sustainable in the long scope of things. So enjoy all the bare-backing you want with your "committed lover", but don't bitch and complain when you come up positive for something.
Also, in reference to OP's concern for contracting Herpes: 1 out of 4 people have herpes, so anytime you're sexually involved with anybody, you're at high risk for contracting it (and any other STD out there). With that said, I'm glad, so far, to be in that 3 out of 4 portion of the statistic.
And in terms of contagion, I'd prefer not to catch Ignorantitus that's rampant in the gay community. Oh ya, and Stupidiosis is something to avoid when seeking potential partners, as is The Smug (very contagious, prominent in homosexual men, and totally not "clean" of those infected, as it devours the very soul of what modesty/humanity they have left).
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STD's
