I wonder...

[Sylph]

First of all, leave discrimination and negative views outside hoes, cause My fucks are precious and I do not feel like giving one.

Okay, so I was wondering about roles, but not the stereotypical roles and how they are established in relationships if at all.

Like, I often notice the "prettier" or "softer" looking partner get's spooned/held or rests on their more "handsome" or "harder" partner. Is this a idiosyncracy associated with the "parody" or imitation of heteronormative behaviors? I.e The Man who typically is more handsome tends to hold/spoon or be rested upon by the woman, who is prettier/softer. And also, "The man" tends to get hugged around the shoulders/neck, while "The girl" tends to get hugged around the waist".

Even though it often is reverse, I notice this alot with Gay Males especially.

And it does often give the idea that "The Holder" is "The Man" and consequently the Top, even though sometimes this is very false.

So where does this come from? Outside of just preference. Cause while I personally believe I would want to be held or spooned, I don't think I am soft or (that ) pretty...

I get sometimes people just feel like doing one or the other, or don't care, but is there more to it?

I feel like the more effeminate partner tends to take on more outward or proactive roles, while the less effeminate partner supports... However I have seen the opposite, the previous seems to be more prevalent. (Like how females are more inclined to asks questions for their men or instead of their men).

I just wonder...as I myself see myself exhibiting a lot of these qualities(speaking up, being engaging, giggling at silly kids antics...etc), but it's just who I am...

What do y'all dink? Rememba, no negativity hunni bunnies. This is not a masc/fem thread, but a general Role one.

[bluefox4000]

Hell I lay my head on my wife's chest a LOT and she holds me. I do it for her too, but she does hold a lot.

Mick

[Sylph]

Hell I lay my head on my wife's chest a LOT and she holds me. I do it for her too, but she does hold a lot.

Mick

Her poor boobs! Lol just messin .

This is one of those cases where "the norm" is reversed. I wonder if it's because you are the more sensitive or emotional partner and she's more supportive?

And when you hold her, are you doing it because you just want to, to be fair to her or because you feel you should?

I find all this very interesting *nerd alert* ^o^

[Beaux]

I think that, to a degree, it is instinctual. We instinctually protect children--we are genetically programmed to protect those who have child-like features. There have been a number of studies done on nepotism, and, Biologically, it makes sense. Children are "soft, pretty" and "cupping/spooning" is very much a protective gesture.
Now that I think of it, so is the position you mentioned in your post where the "softer" puts his/her arms around the "harder"; in that stance the "harder" is in position to support the "softer", while the "softer" is in position to only hold on and not positioned to support in any way.
Very interesting observation! I will be thinking more about it, i am sure!

[bluefox4000]

Well as a personality.....i'm prone to spells of depression. So sometimes I just need that reassurance and I also just like the closeness. I'm not ashamed as a man.....just the way i am.

Mick

[Kenny221]

Ooooh, I prefer putting arms around the neck...guess I'm bottom then :O

[Sylph]

I think that, to a degree, it is instinctual. We instinctually protect children--we are genetically programmed to protect those who have child-like features. There have been a number of studies done on nepotism, and, Biologically, it makes sense. Children are "soft, pretty" and "cupping/spooning" is very much a protective gesture.
Now that I think of it, so is the position you mentioned in your post where the "softer" puts his/her arms around the "harder"; in that stance the "harder" is in position to support the "softer", while the "softer" is in position to only hold on and not positioned to support in any way.
Very interesting observation! I will be thinking more about it, i am sure!

How very interesting!

That is true, we do tend to protect softer things...that could be a very viable reason!

Yes, I notice when I hug guys(normally friends or family lol...no bf here ), I put my arms around their necks/shoulders, which means they hug my waist, but when I hug a girl, I hug her waist(though, some girls huge me around the waist first).

But I've seen "bros" hug each other in such a way that one arm goes around the neck and the other around the waist, for both, so what could this potentially mean? However, I am still more interested in the aforementioned hugging between men/women and how biologically it could be instinctual.

Makes my brain shudder with wonder :p


And with most guys (straight and gay, but more straight) who first start to hug always think "where do my arms go?" which I believe resulted in this, cause it's not supporting or being supported, but neutral.

[LateBloomer]

And it does often give the idea that "The Holder" is "The Man" and consequently the Top, even though sometimes this is very false.

Yup. Pretty false in my experience.

There are probably relationships where the "roles" are pretty narrow.

But for me, I like the give and take.

You might say I'm versatile or go both ways, whatever, but I don't like being constrained--literally or metaphorically.

[Sylph]

Yes Daddy, Variables do complicate things... But being ever curious and now habing it piqued by Beaux's astute comment of biological need/influence, I must solve them! XD...until my brain tells me to go fall off a cliff lol.

@Stranger;
Yesh you is hunni! You're too adorable to top! :p

@Late Bloomer;
I agree Sis, however I meant for this to be more about where or why our brains produce the "roles" in which we prefer or exhibit. Like Daddy's lack of interest or your Versatility. Why is that and how would you say that afflicts your preferences? Outside of one day being one or the other. Every versatile has a preference or perhaps hidden one subconciously. How do you hug or intimately relate with your partner(outside of sex ofcourse silly gurl!) ?

Just questions by the way Sis, don't twist your tits <3

[MisterTinkles]

The few BFs Ive had have not been "touchy feely". And I like it like that.

I mean, we sit next to each other on the sofa and watch tv or something, but thats about it.
Like Krupt says, a small peck of appreciation or emotion is all I need. Hell, Im happy if someone just wants to be in the same room as I am.

I wasnt brought up "touchy feely" so that might have something to do with it.

I do have my moments where *I* want to be the touchy feely one, but not often.

I like hugs. I could hug all day. Just feeling somebody THERE is just so nice.

As for "who's the man" and "who's the woman"...........I dont believe in it.
But if I feel my partner being threatened, I WILL step in.
Or if I think he's in a situation where he might get manhandled by a drunk or something like that, I will definitely put my arm around him in my "alpha pose".

Im not an initiator either. Well, not at first. The other guy has to really get to know me before I can open up enough to "start" something. Mainly cause I dont want to start something and then be told "no", or "I dont feel like it".

As far as spooning is concerned......I like to be the giver, not the receiver.