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There's an old saying by Leo Tolstoy that goes, "If you want to be happy, be."
I can tell that we come from the same background, religion and culture. We only have two choices and each choice requires a sacrifice. A big one. Be true to yourself or continue to lie to yourself and live in regret for the rest of your life.
Be wise in choosing your path.
My family found out that I'm gay when I was still in high school. They weren't happy with their discovery. My mom cried. My dad was so angry that he refused to speak to me for days or was it weeks? I don't remember. I was torn apart. I pleaded to my mom for her forgiveness and repented. i tried to be 'straight' for few years but I wasn't able to. My heart says I'm not straight.
I lost my two big brothers. They haven't spoken to me for years. My big brother hasn't spoken to me for 18 years. My younger brother hasn't spoken to me for 13 years.
My sister and I didn't speak to each other for few years but we are fine now. The reason why we are able to speak to each other is because she has forgotten that I am gay. She also thought that I have repented and become straight.
I came out publicly on year 2010. My boss, colleagues, few of my clients and close friends know that I'm gay. Thankfully, they are supportive. I'm out but I don't scream to my lung to the public about my sex orientation. No matter how out you are, always watch your back and surroundings because we live in an Islamic country.
It doesn't cross my mind to marry a woman and raise children with a woman. When you visit a mobile phone application called Grindr, you will notice that there are numbers of so called 'straight' guys in it. These guys are married. Few of them openly state that they already have children. Would you like to be part of them? Lying to yourself, your wife and your children. Fast forward to the future; Are you willing to see yourself live in regret for not being true to yourself? What if your wife and children found out that you have an affair with another man?
My family probably disown me in the future; if they rediscovered my true sex orientation.
I have no other choice but to say that I am ready for that. As much as I love my parents and siblings, I'm not willing to lie to myself. I'm not willing to destroy my future for the sake of obeying a religion and culture. If my family's religion is truly about tolerance and love, I shouldn't be in this position to begin with.
Again, be smart in choosing and creating your path. I only came out after I was able to build a solid career with good finance. The ability to be independent is crucial. Imagine your family kick you out from the family tree and you have nothing to stand upon.
Good luck and welcome.
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I'm an introvert person,and so it took a while for me to response to strangers after being approached,especially via internet where I have all the time in the world to think carefully of what to response beforehand. Since you're no longer active (referring to Jay),I'm not sure if you'll ever read my reply,but here it goes.
First of all,thank you to all that welcomed me,I was overwhelmed a moment when I checked the number of replies and views after a day,but this is a worldwide forum after all,and it's internet,I guess I have to get used to being a little bit exposed to public.
Thank you very much Jay for sharing your experience. I've predicted as much as what had happened to you if I ever came out to my family,and honestly I don't plan to do so anymore after reading your story. My family is very religious,and I'm sure everybody with a religious family knows very well how homophobic they can be. The only family member I've ever 'accidentally' came out was to my lil sis who,which was to my surprise,kinda supported me back then. She said something along ,"no matter who you are,I'll support you". Although in my view at the time,she wasn't totally serious in her tone. I suspected she was influenced by too much Korean dramas or media somehow,no idea.  Anyway,that was a matter of the past,way long ago,and I'm quite sure she has forgotten already about the incident. And so, time will decide if I'll ever came out in the future to my family.
It has crossed my mind to raise kids with a woman,although as expressed in my post above,I had my insecurity about that. To tell you the truth,maybe I am influenced by too many family comedy series like Modern Family and The Middle,in which I found out that I don't want to miss all those sweet family moments just because I am who I am. But Modern Family introduced me to the idea of having a family with a gay partner,which is totally hard to apply in our country,of course. Or maybe if I get some cool wife on bisexual stuff and things will work out (pfft,yeah right). Sometimes I also think it may be nice not to have kids at all,after all I don't like kids,not sure if it'll be the same if they're mine. Although I don't want to be totally alone in the future. Ok,I might as well start a new thread at this rate,LOL.
Also since I was raised in a religious family,I might be above-average-religious in others view,presumptuously. I believe that these all might be a big test from God and I have to repress my sexual desire to guy in order to pass the test,and may He rewards me well in afterlife. This might sounds crap to others,but it's what I believe. Although,in my past research,some Muslim LGBT Group in UK (yeah I'm a Muslim) kinda believe there's a loophole in our holy book,which I'm sure most of straight Muslim community will just accuse those loophole as an excuse by Muslim LGBT community to justify their orientation. It's all still in debate,and in Islam,there's always a differ in opinion,to which we always take advantage on.
Despite what I believe,I can't imagine myself living in denial for years to come,that will be painful,so I thought. I need to set boundaries,and I'm sure it will be very blurry and confusing.
Again,thanks for sharing,and I'll be careful in choosing and creating my path. Till then.
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Hello Mamza, and  to GaySpeak. For many reasons even those of us who live in countries where being gay is acceptable and generally accepted, there is still a fear of disclosure. I think we can relate to your plight. I'll say that I hope you find a situation in which you'll find your happiness. If it means marrying a woman and having a family to keep prying eyes out of your closet, and if you think you can sustain it, good for you, but it can get awfully lonely and awfully hairy (scary) sometimes, if you find that you need to take it to the next level. Once you've understood what makes you tick, there's often no going back, I'm afraid. Denying who you really are is one of the most wrong things to have to do and the most soul-destroying. Would you consider moving to another country?
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Jay Wrote:There's an old saying by Leo Tolstoy that goes, "If you want to be happy, be."
I can tell that we come from the same background, religion and culture. We only have two choices and each choice requires a sacrifice. A big one. Be true to yourself or continue to lie to yourself and live in regret for the rest of your life.
Be wise in choosing your path.
My family found out that I'm gay when I was still in high school. They weren't happy with their discovery. My mom cried. My dad was so angry that he refused to speak to me for days or was it weeks? I don't remember. I was torn apart. I pleaded to my mom for her forgiveness and repented. i tried to be 'straight' for few years but I wasn't able to. My heart says I'm not straight.
I lost my two big brothers. They haven't spoken to me for years. My big brother hasn't spoken to me for 18 years. My younger brother hasn't spoken to me for 13 years.
My sister and I didn't speak to each other for few years but we are fine now. The reason why we are able to speak to each other is because she has forgotten that I am gay. She also thought that I have repented and become straight.
I came out publicly on year 2010. My boss, colleagues, few of my clients and close friends know that I'm gay. Thankfully, they are supportive. I'm out but I don't scream to my lung to the public about my sex orientation. No matter how out you are, always watch your back and surroundings because we live in an Islamic country.
It doesn't cross my mind to marry a woman and raise children with a woman. When you visit a mobile phone application called Grindr, you will notice that there are numbers of so called 'straight' guys in it. These guys are married. Few of them openly state that they already have children. Would you like to be part of them? Lying to yourself, your wife and your children. Fast forward to the future; Are you willing to see yourself live in regret for not being true to yourself? What if your wife and children found out that you have an affair with another man?
My family probably disown me in the future; if they rediscovered my true sex orientation.
I have no other choice but to say that I am ready for that. As much as I love my parents and siblings, I'm not willing to lie to myself. I'm not willing to destroy my future for the sake of obeying a religion and culture. If my family's religion is truly about tolerance and love, I shouldn't be in this position to begin with.
Again, be smart in choosing and creating your path. I only came out after I was able to build a solid career with good finance. The ability to be independent is crucial. Imagine your family kick you out from the family tree and you have nothing to stand upon.
Good luck and welcome. What wonderful courage, Jay!
Absolutely wonderful advice, Jay.... Jay, we LOVE YOU. 
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I'm actually waiting for my post to be approved by admin,I've written a long reply to jay for sharing his experience,I wonder how long does it takes to approve a newbie's post? I chose "Go Advanced" instead of "Post Quick Reply" to see the preview.
Anyway,just to answer your question P.A.,
It has never occurred to me before,but recently I've seen it as a viable option. I won't deny who I really am anymore. I'll need to prepare myself so that the option will be available when the time comes,maybe,someday. Till then... =/
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Hello and
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mamza Wrote:I'm actually waiting for my post to be approved by admin,I've written a long reply to jay for sharing his experience,I wonder how long does it takes to approve a newbie's post? I chose "Go Advanced" instead of "Post Quick Reply" to see the preview.
Anyway,just to answer your question P.A.,
It has never occurred to me before,but recently I've seen it as a viable option. I won't deny who I really am anymore. I'll need to prepare myself so that the option will be available when the time comes,maybe,someday. Till then... =/ Mamza, Jay wrote a wonderful answer and one that has taken some courage to admit and write. Well, we know Jay now and can admire both his courage and his determination. I'm looking forward to reading your long post. (I don't know how long it will take to be approved). In the meantime, Mamza, stay with us.
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Me,Myself,and I,and oh,Hi~ ;)
