Self-appreciation?

[spotysocks]

You didnt cause his death. An action has consequences , eventually we have to take responsibilities for. If he didnt know how that was his problem not yours. You better start thinking off yourself more. I am quite different than you in this respect , i think you will find interesting how i am handling some situations.

[boy_toy_08]

Thanks Daniel, I feel so **** most of the time though. As a direct result of me going to thepolice he killed himself....so I killed him basically.

My boyfriend helps me by letting me talk with him about problems etc...but deep down inside there's something that feels like it can never be repaired.

[spotysocks]

As a direct result of me going to thepolice he killed himself....so I killed him basically.

Robbie, no you didnt. It is deeper than that. His actions and irresponsibility combined with foolishness killed him. You now have to deal with all these and with situations caused by others including him, so you have been pushed to the role of the victim who feels guilty and less of himself.

[fjp999]

Hi Rob,

I think it is just amazing that since joining a few days ago you have made such amazing posts. There certainly seem to be a lot on your mind and at 16 I wish that I was as together as you seem to be. You certainly have a lot on your plate that a lot of us average humans couldnt deal with

I was raped in my early 20s by four or five black teens at knife point. The police even refused to take a report as they knew in NY City they would never find them. The worse thing about it all was that I lost a good friend because of it. I was staying at their apt and a radio was stolen. They didnt believe that I was raped! That really hurt!

I really didnt get treatment for it and just let it go. I dont know what would happen if I was put into a sexual situation with a black man.

I do understand depression. I have a medical horror story but wont bore you with that. Treatment caused major clinical depression and I got on the anti-depressants. They helped me a lot but I had to change them around once or twice.

Now I am only on anti-anxiety meds. I just got my own house too (congrats) and might be able to come off those eventually. Anti-anxiety meds are a lot easier than anti-depressants. Anti-depressants are not something to play with. In USA they are black boxed. If you think you can deal with your mental state without ADs maybe you can just use AAs.

I was lucky to get an amazing psychiatrist on my second try. Therapist are not so easy. I think I am on my fifth or six. My second was excellent but she got promoted and quit seeing patients. She was the best because she had similar health issues as me and we could both relate.

If you cant relate to your therapist then you gotta change the therapist. Seeing someone to tell your most deep feelings and thoughts without fear or anxiety is MOST important. Believe me, it can help a whole lot.

I cant tell you the best way to see the situation about your rapist killing himself but this is how I would try to think about it... if you didnt turn him then he would have probably raped others. You probably saved some you boys the experience you were forced into. I dont know if that helps but that is how I would try to think of it.

If you ever need to speak to someone in a PM please feel free to do that at any time.

hugs,
frank

[boy_toy_08]

Hi Rob,

I think it is just amazing that since joining a few days ago you have made such amazing posts. There certainly seem to be a lot on your mind and at 16 I wish that I was as together as you seem to be. You certainly have a lot on your plate that a lot of us average humans couldnt deal with

I was raped in my early 20s by four or five black teens at knife point. The police even refused to take a report as they knew in NY City they would never find them. The worse thing about it all was that I lost a good friend because of it. I was staying at their apt and a radio was stolen. They didnt believe that I was raped! That really hurt!

I really didnt get treatment for it and just let it go. I dont know what would happen if I was put into a sexual situation with a black man.

I do understand depression. I have a medical horror story but wont bore you with that. Treatment caused major clinical depression and I got on the anti-depressants. They helped me a lot but I had to change them around once or twice.

Now I am only on anti-anxiety meds. I just got my own house too (congrats) and might be able to come off those eventually. Anti-anxiety meds are a lot easier than anti-depressants. Anti-depressants are not something to play with. In USA they are black boxed. If you think you can deal with your mental state without ADs maybe you can just use AAs.

I was lucky to get an amazing psychiatrist on my second try. Therapist are not so easy. I think I am on my fifth or six. My second was excellent but she got promoted and quit seeing patients. She was the best because she had similar health issues as me and we could both relate.

If you cant relate to your therapist then you gotta change the therapist. Seeing someone to tell your most deep feelings and thoughts without fear or anxiety is MOST important. Believe me, it can help a whole lot.

I cant tell you the best way to see the situation about your rapist killing himself but this is how I would try to think about it... if you didnt turn him then he would have probably raped others. You probably saved some you boys the experience you were forced into. I dont know if that helps but that is how I would try to think of it.

If you ever need to speak to someone in a PM please feel free to do that at any time.

hugs,
frank

I know....I've had a fair run of things and to be honest meeting my boyfriend has halped immensely. But because of the age difference I don't know if we can be together properly?

Sorry to hear about your friend and what happened prior.....and I am DISGUSTED by the police if they did that. Over here in Scotland they have been great!

But when I see my mental health worker I can't think what to say and end up sitting in silence.... When I next go to doctor I will query the AA medecines.

Thanks for taking time to get back to me. Do you mind if I add you to my buddy list?

Rob x

[wouldlikemuscle]

Hey Rob,

Sorry to hear about what's happened to you. Certainly sounds like you've had a really rough time, and hopefully things will only get better for you.

All the other guys have given some great advice so far. I lack a lot of self-appreciation. What I try and do is look for the positives I've experienced, think about situations I've done well at and try to appreciate the compliments I receive.

On top of that, as spotysocks has said, get involved with something your interested in. In my case, I've found the gym... I love the pump and the great feeling I get when I move onto the next sized weight.
In your case, sounds like photography is up your street... get to using that camera, take some amazing photos and share them with people. Their compliments will hopefully inspire you to take even more and even better photos.

[boy_toy_08]

thanks muscle, will do that. good suggestions ! x

[fjp999]

I know....I've had a fair run of things and to be honest meeting my boyfriend has halped immensely. But because of the age difference I don't know if we can be together properly?

Sorry to hear about your friend and what happened prior.....and I am DISGUSTED by the police if they did that. Over here in Scotland they have been great!

But when I see my mental health worker I can't think what to say and end up sitting in silence.... When I next go to doctor I will query the AA medecines.

Thanks for taking time to get back to me. Do you mind if I add you to my buddy list?

Rob x

Of course you can add me to your buddy llist... dont need to ask. I will add you now.

If your mental health worker cant get you to talk it is his/her fault. That is what they are suppose to do... can you ask for another mhworker?

I agree about getting into hobbies. If you have a 500 pound camera you better get it out and use it.

[boy_toy_08]

thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

[princealbertofb]

thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Have you started using the camera? Have you any idea what you'd like to shoot when you do start using it?