transition failed

[Anonymous]

i pretty much have a new body. i lost ton of weight and became very toned but still no confidence

[Anonymous]

everytime i see an ok looking guy, not even a hot guy, at the gym or anywhere else i think he would never hook up with me.
stupidly i've been feeling very ugly, although i have the body i always dreamed of. i am pretty much toned, slightly muscular, but no six pack.

and whenever i see a hot guy, i feel very attracted to him and then become super jealous that i wish something terrible would happen to them and their beauty would be ruined.

i became very selfish and my best friend thinks i harm myself so much she even suggested to see a professional for these confused feelings.

[Geminize]

I'd say your physical transition succeeded, and now it's time for your self-image to follow.

[Nick9]

Hi,
I am afraid that you spent too much time to get to your goal, and you put too much effort in it. Over the time when you focused so hard on your goal to have a new perfect body, you persuaded your mind that it would ensure you happiness. That when you reach your goal, something very big will change in your life.

You probably conditioned your happiness. And now you feel betrayed. Because you worked very hard to achieve your goal, and somehow the world didn't stop spinning. The big thing didn't happen and you were not rewarded.

Your goal was not to be slim/muscular/toned/good looking. Your goal was to be happy. Now you hate your body, because after so much time and effort it didn't bring your happiness and you hate the people around because they didn't change their behavior, didn't ask you out, didn't bring you happiness either.

So, you look at yourself at the mirror and see that you still don't have a six pack. And you set a new goal, a new vicious circle...

The people in the gym have muscular bodies. Try to understand that it doesn't say anything about their happiness. Sure they can smile and joke around, they may date each other, but they for sure have their problems that they don't want you to see. Having perfect body will not ensure you happiness.

Do you know that there are people who would never date someone with a six pack? They are even at this small forum.
Maybe your perfect man is among them. Maybe he would date you despite your future six pack, but you will have to have something else that will attract him and show him that you will make is life better, nicer and happier. Because that is what people date for. Not for ogling their bf and his body.

The new perfect body didn't bring you happiness. Now you will need to get to know yourself and see why you thought it would. Ask yourself what you want in your life, what your future partner should be like. If you needed to choose, would you prefer nice body over nice mind? Because it always doesn't go hand in hand.
What do you want to offer to your future bf? Nice body? Nice mind? Because, as you can see, it doesn't go hand it hand.

You feel betrayed, I can understand that. You thought the battle would be over and there would come the reward.

I can relate. When I realized that a new alone body wouldn't bring me happiness, I felt lost. Because if it does, everything will be so much easier... The goal will be set. Clear goal - the new body.

But having a happiness as a goal? How on earth can I grasp such a variable and changing goal?

I am afraid that we will have to search inside us and find out how to "turn on the light inside us" How to find happiness in us, that will be not dependable on the outer world. Because the world around is not there to pamper us and make us happy.

We are.

And when we find the happiness in us, we can share it with someone else.