He is 38 I am 64

[throbbinblue]

He has become my world in so many ways. I have been hanging with him for the last 5 months. We have slept in the same bed, had a little sex, I love taking care of him. He has done a lot for me he is very wealthy and has not worked in over 15 years. I on the other have always had to work.
We have traveled to Dallas 3 times and he has paid for everything. I try to do what I can with my limited income to give him things from my heart. I take my car and do all the driving. We love to shop and will spend many hours together. I have never had a friendship like this and I really do not want to go back to my loneliness.
We constantly tell each other we are best friends only. I encourage him to take a lover or a boyfriend. I would love to have him as a boyfriend but know there is no chance. He also drinks everyday and will put away a lot of liquor. Tonight he drank 4 bloody marys, 2 bottles of champagne and has now moved on to at least 3 screwdrivers. We do not live together he lives across the parking lot from me in his own separate apt.
We have a great relationship until he gets prissy drunk then he will get very argumentative and criticize me and chew on my ass.
Recently I lost my car to a freak flood for West Texas and I am at a standstill until the insurance takes care of it. The following week I lost my job of 7 years. I am virtually penniless and at the mercy of others.
He is now asleep in my bed and I am in the guest room.

[Nick9]

Sometimes, it's hard to give any advice or to make any decision at all. I believe there are times when the best course of action is to duck and wait, until the circumstances are better for making a decision.
We usually aim for the best, but life is not about black and white, it's about compromises.

When you feel like you know where the line is drawn for you, you can take the action, either to leave or to work on the relationship and his drinking problems.
*hug*

[Dan1980]

If he's drinking every day then I am afraid he has a drink problem. Talk to him when he's not drunk and ask him why he drinks a lot. Tell him that you will be there for him but please try to get him help before the drink ruins his life.

[Beaux]

"He has done a lot for me he is very wealthy and has not worked in over 15 years. I on the other have always had to work."

.....
Ok....let me get this straight....he is 38 and hasn't worked in over 15 years....So he hasn't worked since he was 23 years old....?
Hmmmmm.........
Sorry. Nope. I don't buy it.

[Vigilias]

Hi Throbbin.

The one thing that really stood out to me in your post was this guys drinking and his mean attitude towards you when he's drunk.

I agree with Dan, his behaviour could indicate he has a drink problem but as someone who worked on a drugs and alcohol helpline for a while, the one thing I have to tell you is that you can't force help on him, he'll only take it if he wants it.

Perhaps you need to move on and find someone who will love and respect you as you deserve.

Plenty more apples on the tree!

Good luck!

[MisterTinkles]

Yeah, Im with the others.....talk to him about his drinking, see if he will go to someone to find out WHY he is drinking so much.

There is a reason he does that. Just have to find out what the reason is and squash it.

As for your other problems.....
Im sure you have applied for unemployment. If not, do it now.
Dont know how this works exactly, but check it out....there are other similar programs if you google "free cars"....
http://www.freecharitycars.org/


As for everything else...use your best judgement and take it one day at a time.

[MisterLove]

It's a beautiful relationship and I don't know how to describe it: love, friendship, all of the above.

I also have a friend with a bit of a drinking problem, he becomes a jerk when he drinks. We've talked about it (didn't do any good, of course) and we avoid drinking everytime we go out.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

If he doesn't work that may be his problem. Idle hands are the devil's play things - which is to say he may drink to excess out of boredom.

His argumentative and meanness may relate to his not having a real identity. One of the top questions people ask each other is 'what do you do?' meaning 'what line of work are you in.

A job is your identity, he doesn't have that.

If he is an alcoholic, then he needs to reach the point where he sees his drinking as a problem. I fear if he has a trust fund or something like that he may not see he has a problem for a very, very long time. Financial troubles are often the 'wake-up' call for alcoholics that they have a drinking problem.

One of the biggest mistakes I see here is the fact that he sleeps in your bed while you take the guest bed. It tells me a lot about your character/personality which also tells me you are setting yourself up for an abusive situation.

Which he is abusive - he is abusing you mentally/emotionally. Criticizing you and chewing your ass out (and not in a nice sexy way) is abusive. Sure he is doing it when he is drunk - that is not really an acceptable excuse if he is drinking daily and taking out his frustrations on you.

My advice: kick his ass to the curb.

Yes it will hurt, yes you will lose the good with the bad - but by kicking his ass to the curb you will protect yourself and you will send the message to him that he has a problem and maybe, just maybe he cares enough about what you two have to actually seek help. Maybe.

Alanon/Alateen http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ people will tell you pretty much the exact same thing - its called 'tough love'.

Find a meeting, go and talk to people who like you know a drunk/addict and have been down this road with that situation.

As for your job - no doubt you have unemployment payments to draw from. I believe Unemployment is still extended for a year via the Federal Government - which should get you to your Social Security pension.

[throbbinblue]

"He has done a lot for me he is very wealthy and has not worked in over 15 years. I on the other have always had to work."

.....
Ok....let me get this straight....he is 38 and hasn't worked in over 15 years....So he hasn't worked since he was 23 years old....?
Hmmmmm.........
Sorry. Nope. I don't buy it.

Well I as I have gotten to know him more I think he worked from age 20 to 25 for a National Car Rental. But as he tries to tell me how the cow ate the cabbage it seems to think he is the ultimate idea of what a successful entrepreneur is and how I should be so much more subservient to his ideas if I want to be successful. Oh and by the way he does receive a generous allowance from the UTE tribe as he is 100 % full blood Indian.

[throbbinblue]

It's a beautiful relationship and I don't know how to describe it: love, friendship, all of the above.

I also have a friend with a bit of a drinking problem, he becomes a jerk when he drinks. We've talked about it (didn't do any good, of course) and we avoid drinking everytime we go out.

I understand so much because M is a great guy when he is sober but really becomes a asshole when he is drunk. And he is not ready to change either because of his inner demons which constantly hammer against his psyche. He was raised strict Church of Christ and there is no room in their belief system for homosexaulity, though Christ never said anything about homosexuality and they do not use the Old Testament at all but he struggles with their dogmas so much.