Problems with arousal

[Slidezone303]

I am in my mid-sixties and healthy. Had a physical this spring. My diet is healthy and though I have knee problems I get as much exercise as I am able. About two months ago I began to notice that when I went on a porn site for a "session" I was not able to become aroused, despite fondling and touching and rubbing, etc. In fact I was found it rather boring. I turned to fantasizing which I usually do to change things up. (just like switching hands to 'do the job') But I was unable to sustain fantasy or interest. Though I still find men attractive and am always cruising I can't muster up erotic feelings. I had a date this weekend with a handsome younger guy (34 y.o), tight swimmer's build. He seemed into it, was erect when we went to bed and though I enjoyed the closeness, the kissing, etc. I couldn't become aroused. He was polite about it . He didn't seem to mind my company and I stayed afterwards for awhile.

I have always been of the opinion that the "penis knows what it likes" and if you can't become aroused with the guy you are with then you aren't really a match, sexually. But given the issue I mentioned of the last two months I am not certain that is the case in this situation. If this were an isolated instance I might consider the blue pill, but I am thinking it may be something else. The blue pill is expensive and I don't like popping pills. I already take a fair share of meds. Besides, popping the pill to get hard may mask possible deeper reasons or symptoms and prevent dealing with the real issue. My dad enjoyed sex well into his seventies and didn't need the pill. I do not hook up often and now I do not at all feel very confident about being "in the ballgame".

Can someone speak to this, especially if you are around my age and know what might be going on.

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[jimcrackcorn]

Hi Slidezone,

Talk to your Primary Care Physician. My husband, who's 77, has erectile dysfunction and the Doctor helped him.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

You are on meds for what exactly? Have you been put on say an antidepressant low dose for chronic pain? If so that may be the underlying cause.

Chemical actions and reactions with different drugs can have different effects both physically and psychologically. Perhaps talking to your doctor about your medications may be worth the visit?

You said about two months ago this started. What happened 2 months ago and a wee bit more in your life? Did you lose someone to death or a break-up? Change of job? Financial stress kick in? Did you move? Did you or someone you know get sick?

A lot of different stresses can lead to disinterest and lack of ability.

You are a single gay man in your mid sixties. How long have you been single? have you found yourself wishing for a LTR lately? If so this 'little regret' could have a profound impact on your activities in bed.

Also a single one off performance issue can lead to more performance anxieties in future bed activities. It can be a vicious circle of performance issues feeding performance anxieties.

Maybe you have suddenly tired of the 'meaningless' sex acts with strangers and need something more - a relationship?

There is a lot of potentials.

I say start off ruling out physical things, medication interactions/reactions - further health issues. Once that is rules out move on to other psychological things.

[Slidezone303]

@ Bowyn:

Thank-you for your thoughtful response:

I take Lortab for Restless Leg Syndrome, Zolpidem for occasional insomnia, cholesterol med and Thyroid med. But I have been taking all these for years. No anti-depressants.

About two months ago I went on vacation to see cousins on the East coast. It started after I returned. Noting sexual happened on vacation, though the neighbor guy was nice to look at.

All my life I have gone it alone and never been in a committed relationship. Longest one was ten years ago and it lasted three months. My affection was not reciprocated. He just liked having sex with me. (flattering) When it was over I dealt with it. I am one of those persons who live well with solitude, but I am not a hermit. I have a social sphere and I manage a small business. It, for some reason, just hasn't worked out all these years. When I want to play I hook-up for casual sex.


Sometimes I wish for a regular partner, especially at night when I watch a movie or kick back with old re-runs of comedy programs. But in the day it all disappears. It is nice to cuddle, but that isn't the only reason we pursue relationships. I often question "pursuing" relationships. I often wonder how many persons would fall in love if they never heard of love. There was a time when I pursued relationships and dating, but it didn't work out. I morphed into occasional "play" periods and had no problem with that until this "arousal" issue came around.

What you said about meaningless sex acts carries a lot of weight. I appreciate your remarks. I would not characterize my casual encounters as meaningless. They don't occur at bookstores and tearooms. I screen potential partners carefully and when I am with them I go slow and consider my partner. If I hook-up with someone who, as soon as I answer the door, drops his drawers, whips it out and wants to go to it I ask him to leave. Because I screen partners, my hook-ups are few and far between and I like to savor each encounter as though it were a fine wine. I know it may sound silly or daft but I have met some really nice guys through this lifestyle and have some nice memories.

Thanx again.

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[Bowyn Aerrow]

Hmm.

'Meaningless' mayn't have been the right word, which is why I used quotation marks. As long as you don't think they are meaningless or that you are losing out on something else I guess you are good to go there.

I found this list: http://www.webmd.com/erectile-dysfunctio...ysfunction for medications that can cause ED.

Was that vacation stressful - If so stress can be an underlying cause - 'family problems' can cut a man down pretty hard and for a longish period of time.

If you do not feel overly unsatisfied with your life, and there has been no real changes in stress levels, and no changes in medications - it may be something new popping up medically speaking.

Testosterone diminishes over time. I think the rate is something like 5% a decade after age 30. Maybe your levels of T has just dropped to that threshold level where sex is no longer an interest.

Still say you should bring it up with a doctor.