What do you think of "its my life, stay out of it"?

[MisterTinkles]

I keep hearing people always complaining to others, "its my life, stay out of it".

My friends know better than to EVER say this to me. They know it WILL happen. I will NEVER enter their lives again.

I think its rude and hateful to say this to friends or family who are wanting to help you out. No, Im not talking about the ones who are nosey busy bodies and just want to get in your private affairs to get "juicy bits" on you. Im talking about those people who actually care enough about you to stand up and say something, even if it means the other person getting all pissy and not speaking to the friend who's trying to help.

My friends are my family, and I will NOT stand by while they are getting into something dangerous, stupid, or immoral. I care enough about them to "get in their business". And they know, that if *I* feel that its something that needs my personal attention, then its serious.

I say to those people out there in the world that dont want their friends and family "in their business", then shut up about it and dont say anything. If you DIDNT want anybody in "your business", you would NOT be advertising it all over the place!

To those out there who dont want to "interfere", you arent a very good friend if you cant jump in and help with something or straighten out a problem or argument. I mean, friends are there for you bad and good. If you fall down, we pick you up. If you get stupid, we slap you upside your head. If you plan to do something dangerous, we talk you out of it.

I suppose its the mediator in me. But what the fuck good am I, being a friend, if I cant jump in and help get stuff straightened out between my friends and family?

Anyway....there should be a poll at the top of this thread at some point. Vote.
(yes, this is another one of my research questions)

[bluefox4000]

I'd have to be really close to someone.....and i'm not close to many. So i don't know what I'd do.

Mick

[Counselor]

Weird. I was thinking about this on my bike ride to work. I used to think I was some sort of grand mystery, a psychological labyrinth, and that no one could ever truly know me. While I practiced this train of thought, and looking back on it, I was right, and everyone left. I don't regularly speak with anyone I've known for more than ten years outside of family, but some I've only known half that span have become some of the best people I've known.

People that ask for solitude can very easily get what they want.

[SolemnBoy]

If a person starts bringing his problems up in conversation then saying something like "I don't want to talk about it" or "Stay out of this" he probably has no idea how annoying and selfish he's being. A lot of people don't realize that you can't say "I have problems, but I'm not talking about them, but now you know I have problems" without coming off as a horrible person.

That being said, different persons deal with their problems in different ways. I have several friends I've known for more than 10 years and I honestly can't think of any occasion where I asked their advice on something I had a problem with. I just prefer to deal with issues myself. When it comes to my friends, though, who aren't the same, I can and will interfere depending on what it is.

I understand your hatred for the term "It's my life stay out of it" but there are a few things that could happen to someone where nobody, not even their friends, can be allowed to interfere.

[BorneoJake]

If anyone is physically going to hurt someone, I'm stepping in and preventing it. No one needs to go home with injuries. Got to think your actions through no matter how angry you are. Other than that I let my friends and family know I'm always there for them. I will always be respectful and understanding.

There are times though you just gotta be straight forward with someone so they can get it. Sometimes its the stuff we don't want to hear is the stuff we need to hear

[KawaiiKitty]

Sometimes even good intentioned people can be a bit too pushy. If you push someone to the point for them to tell you to stay out of their personal life then I think thats on YOU not them no matter how well intentioned you are. Someone who gives too much advice to someone else on every aspect of their lives is no better than someone who just doesnt give a flying fuck . You are not their mom and dad and its even more rude if they are an adult. Even if you are their mom or dad or family or even REALLY close friend since like kindergarten, it is still their life to do with it as they see fit.

People make bad decisions all the time. It might be a bad decision but thats the only way some people will learn no matter how much you tell them its a bad decision. Experience is one of the best teachers in life. Sometimes you have to say your peace and then sit back and watch people fail. To demonstrate this I have pretty much the perfect example(if you dont want to read my hilariously funny story then just skip over the part in bold/italics - but trust me its well worth the read imo):

So my bf and I decided to go out for food one weekend and we ended up a few towns over from where we live at this taiwanese-something fusion place. Basically everything they had at this restaurant was spicy. Its what they were known for. So they have this food challenge there that my bf wanted to try. It uses several of the hottest peppers on the planet called the ghost chili pepper. So basically he tries the challenge but fails and he decides to get the left overs boxed up. We leave and drive home with a pretty uneventful rest of the evening.

A few hours later I get really tired and I decide to go to bed but the bf wants to stay up on the computer. Sooner or later he gets hungry again and decides to eat his left overs. He gets them out and starts eating. While he's eating he gets the urge to have to urinate. So he goes to the restroom and takes a whiz. While he's taking a whiz, he realizes that he has some trace amount of ghost chili peppers sauce on his hands. It made his penis tingles from him touching it while taking a whiz. By this time he is done he is more than aroused from the tingling sensation.

He then gets the bright idea that he was gonna get some of the real thing(not just the trace amounts that was on his hands) and try to jerk off with it. He thought that if just that little felt that good what would a good bit more feel like, right? You have to understand my bf is uncut as well. So he pulls back his elongated foreskin and puts the sauce like right up against his skin on his penis and starts to jerk off. Well at first he said it felt good but about 15-30 seconds in it started to burn. When I say burn I mean excruciating painful burning like you just stuck your penis into an active volcano kind of pain. Then what do you think he did? Did he go to the fridge and get milk to neutralize the effects of the chili pepper? No he goes and jumps into the shower. As most people know the thing that makes peppers hot is an oil called capsaicin. Oils in general are not water soluable so water only spread the pain out over a larger area.

Anyways he was basically left with what we call chili blisters all over his penis from where the chili sauce had actually burned the skin of his penis. This was of course a bad decision that Im sure he wishes he could take back due to the pain it caused and the embarrassment its caused since then from me repeating this story to everyone who will listen since its so freaking tortuously hilarious.

I dont think Ive ever been in a situation where my friend(s) have told me to stay out of their lives but I dont make it a habit of going around sticking my nose in people's business. Even if they didnt ask my opinion I might give it in the most sincere way possible but then I will stfu about it because honestly its really none of my business and it wont be my choice of what to do in the end.

To me real friendship is being there for that person after they have failed and realized you were right all along. A real friend will help pick up the pieces after someone has fallen. They won't hold a grudge or say, "I told you so!" even if they are thinking it. They also won't walk out of someone's life forever just because they were told to stay out of that person's business in a frustrated heat of the moment either.

[Wade]

I love listening to people's problems... but not in a gross way. That sounds gross. I just mean I think I'm a good listener and I tend to attract friends who need a shoulder to cry on (this in turn means I sometimes spill my guts to people I shouldn't, and I always have a ill feeling afterwards). My mother treated me like a therapist growing up and I've developed a sensitive empathy nerve (which I admit is getting duller by the day).

That being said, I absolutely refuse to intervene in someone's life or problems who doesn't want help. I think it would be very presumptuous of me, and I would be livid if someone tried to inject themselves into my life without my approval (this is all very vague of course, as is the original question, so it's all subject to change).

Both of my brothers are severe alcoholics / drug abusers. I've put in more work, and shed more tears (not to mention carried more bodies to the ER), to try to clean them up than either of them have tried for themselves. At a certain point I realized I have to live my own life and hope for the best for them. I've told my brothers that if they need someone to talk to, someone to drive them to AA meetings, whatever... I'm here and always willing to help. But I will not try to help someone who refuses to help themselves any longer.

Obviously I'm viewing the original question through a very personal prism, but there ya go. That's my answer.

[Kiid]

Mostly I stay out of it unless it fells personal. Like my friends stalker ex... Got rid of him good. Now has a protection order on him woot woot.
I think that my friends usually ask me for my advice. I'm not too bad at the relationship advice either. Just not good at listening to my own advice.

[megumidesu]

if not getting involved means that someone's life (or at least their health) is in danger then i think you definitely should . obviously ~

[SolemnBoy]

I love listening to people's problems... but not in a gross way. That sounds gross.

Nah I know what you mean. I like listening to people's problems too. It's a sign that they trust you, you get a chance to be helpful and in some cases it gives you a well-needed perspective on things. I just feel bad for never "returning the favour" in a similar way and I just hope I can convey my trust and appreciation in other ways.