hello

[princealbertofb]

Your job as a father would be to make sure that he doesn't get in with the wrong crowd (although that would be the same if he were a straight kid) and that he knows about sexual safety. He may think it's yuck to hear you mention things like condoms etc, but maybe you could get him some literature that he can pick up and read when he's ready to know about it. There are some good books on Gay sex in the stores and online. Gay sex is not all about anal sex either, contrary to popular belief. There are a fair number of gay men who never do that kind of sex. You probably won't want to know these details, as indeed you shouldn't know, but you need to be aware that they are potential practices.

Do you know if his relationship with his girlfriend has gone any further than just holding hands and kissing? Maybe it's best not to ask, but to find out if he knows the basics about how to protect himself and his partners (male or female). You might get him a box of condom if you feel it's a good idea. Remember (and remind him) that having condoms doesn't mean he has to use them, but he might at least learn to use them before he actually needs them. We are probably many who've tried them on while masturbating rather than using them with another partner. It's fairly inoccuous. It would be good for him to realise that they come in different sizes, and that there is no such thing as one size fits all. It would be good also to explain about lubricants since nothing greasy should be used with them. It would also be good for him to know whether he's allergic to them (latex can be allergenic) or not, and whether he'll need to use vinyl ones instead. If you don't want to do all this explaining, the book will do it, or you can make an appointment with his doctor to explain.

[princealbertofb]

And Dan, isn't the Internet a wonderful thing, that you can now ask and find out all these things without having to go through all the trouble we had finding out these things when I was growing up (I'll be 54 soon)? You and he can come here or on any other site and exchange and ask questions at your hearts' content. By the way, you might also want to remind your son that, whatever he does, pornographic sites are still forbidden to underage people, so your job as a parent is also to protect him from those, at least until he's 18 or 21, or whatever age is the restriction in your state.

[pellaz]

... unexpected especially since he has a girlfriend ...

girl friends are a great resource for us gays.

gay is only a sexual preference. Prepare him for a full career and house hold.

[hobart]

I talked to him today, and told him that i don't think any differently about him. He is still my son no matter what. That its okay that he is who he is. One thing that is hard to know. I have questions, I only asked one, if he had told his mother and if he wants me to do it or stand by him when he does. But i have other questions for him but he is just so uncomfortable right now. My questions can wait.

But somebody said that gay people know there gay as young aspuberty sometimes? I Want to know if my son felt this way that long ago.

I have talked to him about sex but I never even thought about talking to him about gay sex. I want him to be safe, but I don't really know what to say.

One thing that is good about this is that I feel closer to him now.

[hobart]

girl friends are a great resource for us gays.

gay is only a sexual preference. Prepare him for a full career and house hold.

I don't know if the girlfriend knows he is gay or if he was trying to be straight. I dint want this girl to out him if he isn't ready. Could understand her being angry about this if she didn't know he was gay. Is it appropriate, with my son's permission, to talk to her? Is he ready to be out to the world? Judging by his behavior I would say he was not. But i dint know.

[MaxRa]

I am so sorry your parents told you those things. I hope I didn't say anything wrong. I was so dumbfounded by this that I couldn't rally think of anything more to say besides "its okay son" and hug him until he stopped crying. I may not understand this but i love my son, I haven't told my wife about this either, i don't know exactly how. He was so scared, i dint know how she will react.

I Don't think he is a pervert but some things ran through my head that I am not sure i should say. Like, how do you know your gay, what made you decide you are gay, what about your girl friend. And so on. These things I felt might have made him more anxious

I know what not to say, but what do i say? That look on his face was heart breaking. I dint what him to feel that sad and scared about it. He was embarrassed. I dint know how my wife will take it so i want to tell her alone.

I want to support my son, but i worry is this something I did? is it because something horrible happened to him? Like i said i dint really understand this. I came here four some insight.

I don't think that something BAD happened to him. You know, I'm bisexual and my parents couldn't understand that it's normal to love girls and boys at the same time. You know, I think he didn't make a DECISION he's gay, he just understood that. I felt I'm bisexual when I was his age, but that's just because I found a new word describing my feelings. I thought about my life and I understood that since I went to school I always felt the same thing for girls and for boys.
I think, you should wait a little and don't make hasty decisions. I didn't came out to my parents voluntarily, my sister told 'em and I had to explain, it was so awful...... so you're a happy dad - your son trusts you and he doesn't afraid of you. To tell the truth, I even envy a little your son) you're a great dad

You know you're gay the same way you know you're straight. It's not a switch you flip to decide "Oh, I'm gonna be gay now." It's something you realize about yourself that's as natural as eating or sleeping.

Miles saying right things!

I talked to him today, and told him that i don't think any differently about him. He is still my son no matter what. That its okay that he is who he is. One thing that is hard to know. I have questions, I only asked one, if he had told his mother and if he wants me to do it or stand by him when he does. But i have other questions for him but he is just so uncomfortable right now. My questions can wait.

Your son will tell you everything if he feels that you're the one he can trust and rely on.
I always wanted to talk to my parents about my feelings, but now I just feel so lonely, they don't know anything about my life. About girls and boys I liked, about my story of self-knowledge.

But somebody said that gay people know there gay as young aspuberty sometimes? I Want to know if my son felt this way that long ago.

Not now. When I was fourteen, it was kinda strange, though I realized that I haven't changed, I just found the term, describing my feelings. Few years later I could tell my parents that since I was a little boy I was bisexual.

I have talked to him about sex but I never even thought about talking to him about gay sex. I want him to be safe, but I don't really know what to say.

You said he's fourteen? There not many guys who have sex when they're fourteen. You have to be sure that he's wise enough to not get involved in any relationships with dudes that are MUCH older.

One thing that is good about this is that I feel closer to him now.

You're a great dad! Your son is lucky!))

[hobart]

I don't think that something BAD happened to him. You know, I'm bisexual and my parents couldn't understand that it's normal to love girls and boys at the same time. You know, I think he didn't make a DECISION he's gay, he just understood that. I felt I'm bisexual when I was his age, but that's just because I found a new word describing my feelings. I thought about my life and I understood that since I went to school I always felt the same thing for girls and for boys.
I think, you should wait a little and don't make hasty decisions. I didn't came out to my parents voluntarily, my sister told 'em and I had to explain, it was so awful...... so you're a happy dad - your son trusts you and he doesn't afraid of you. To tell the truth, I even envy a little your son) you're a great dad


Miles saying right things!


Your son will tell you everything if he feels that you're the one he can trust and rely on.
I always wanted to talk to my parents about my feelings, but now I just feel so lonely, they don't know anything about my life. About girls and boys I liked, about my story of self-knowledge.


Not now. When I was fourteen, it was kinda strange, though I realized that I haven't changed, I just found the term, describing my feelings. Few years later I could tell my parents that since I was a little boy I was bisexual.


You said he's fourteen? There not many guys who have sex when they're fourteen. You have to be sure that he's wise enough to not get involved in any relationships with dudes that are MUCH older.


You're a great dad! Your son is lucky!))

I am so sorry your parents are so distant.

I never even thought about him being attracted to older men. I just assumed he was drawn to kids his own age.

And thanks so much for sharing your story.

[MaxRa]

I am so sorry your parents are so distant.

nvm, it's all in the past, everything's all right

I never even thought about him being attracted to older men. I just assumed he was drawn to kids his own age.

I think so too)

And thanks so much for sharing your story.

Thank YOU so much for paying attention on my story :3

[hobart]

nvm, it's all in the past, everything's all right


I think so too)


Thank YOU so much for paying attention on my story :3

What would have been what you needed to hear when you were a boy? What would you have wanted your parents to say to you?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Dan,

First welcome to the Board.

Second, you have the right attitude. Too many LGBT do not have accepting parents, parents who would not try to understand. My hat is off to you sir for being a loving, caring parent. The world needs more parents like you.

I fear there is nothing you can say to make this process easier for your son.

I do not know your typical relationship with him, so I don't know if just putting your arm across his shoulder is something you would normally do or not - if it is, that action will speak far louder than any combination of words.

The GF is a problem. I would suggest that he doesn't tell her he is gay as a way to break off the relationship. That could readily lead to her doing a 'vengeance outing' meaning out of spite telling everyone at school he is gay.

I would also suggest you find a local chapter of Pflag http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=194&srcid=-2 find other parents who like you have LGBT teens and find ones who have been through this sort of thing, they will know from experience all of the questions you want to ask, and most likely will have a lot of the answers.

I would hold off on asking many questions until his mom is brought into his circle of
'Those Who Know'. Once that happens and one mom has gotten through the initial shock/surprise or whatever, try to construct a positive environment where you ask your questions making it clear you are not being judgmental.

BEFORE you ask questions like 'how do you know your gay?' Try changing it slightly and asking yourselves 'How do you know you are straight?' While that may seem like an 'attack' comeback to your question, I think if you sit there and really think about all of the reasons why you know you are straight that it will become clear that if you were gay those same answers (albeit directed at the other gender) apply to his situation.

Who is at fault? I would have to say with a higher degree of certainty (based on your comments on this thread) that your sons homosexuality is not a side effect of abuse. EXAMPLE, such as the woman who has been raped swearing off of men and seeking comfort in the arms of other women.

Thus I have to conclude he like the majority of LGBT was born that way.

Neither you nor mom are to blame. Doesn't matter if he played with barbie dolls or footballs as a kid. Doesn't matter if the first week his nursery was pink in expectation of a girl over a boy. Aside from abusive type situations and things along those lines, people are not 'made' gay or turned gay, they are born that way.

And its typical that most start figuring out their sexual orientation around puberty when sex and that sort of stuff starts becoming important due to the developing body.

Lastly, your desire to ease his pain, your love for him, and all of those other emotions are excellent guides. It has kept you from asking questions that could make this coming out process more difficult for him.

Thus let your heart continue to be your guide... it is serving you well.