Is it wrong to date more then 1 guy at a time? and Saying I Love You 3rd date...

[Benedict]

Hi all I am new here..

I am looking to get some advice...
So I've been out of the dating scene for 2 years... and I am looking for some advice..

Is it wrong to date 3 guys at once?.. I want to know if this is wrong.. personally how I feel is as soon as I find a connection with the one I like... Ideally I want to date 1 because I am looking for LTR... not hookups/etc.. but right now I'm torn between these 3 guys.. its only been 2 weeks though... Looking for some opinions..

Also.. one of the guys said Iloveyou... on the third date.. should I be concerned? redflag? he is inexperienced in dating though... and I didn't say it back.. because I don't love him I don't think it takes 3 dates to really love someone.... (my last relationship.. was like a year in..)

Thanks guys Appreciate it... don't be too hard on me..

(opps shoulda moved to dating forum sry)

[VileKyle]

I guess that depends on your personal standards. For me, I'd say no. I'd never split myself between more than one person, nor would I accept someone who did. I see relationships as more of a close and personal connection, and it's hard to allow that with more people involved. If you want to date someone else, break up with the other person first. Be honest and tell them when you feel the relationship isn't working out. Maybe by being honest you might even find a way to fix it and make it work. It's hard, but it's the right thing to do.

Oh, and welcome to GS. Thanks for sharing!

[Dan1980]

I think it's wrong to date 3 guys at once. Do they know about each other? It's too early for one of them on the 3rd date to say he loves you. I feel sorry for him he loves you , you don't love him. It's not fair to string him along like this. To think of it, it's not fair on the other two guys.

[Edward]

Well, if you want to be with just one of these guys, then you probably should make up your mind which one do you like the most. It's not right or wrong to date multiple people in the same time, but it'll be hard to make everyone happy.

[Benedict]

Thanks everyone!


I could list reasons why I like each guy more then the other because of certain qualities and things we share..... thats why its so hard.. I guess its my fault for getting myself into this situation.. but it all happened so fast. e

Anyways I feel bad... so why I stumbled upon here to get some advice...
I think I will have to break it off with 2 of the guys.. as I think I'm really liking one guy a bit more then the others.. I wasn't planning on doing this but it just happened! :|

Really appreciate the advice all..

[princealbertofb]

Hello, Benedict and to GaySpeak. You've come to the right place.

I suppose if life hadn't thrown three guys in your path at the same time you'd be giving each one your whole time until you knew which one was more suited. The fact is you seem to have the choice.

Some people are very needy, some are very sure of themselves, and maybe it only takes three dates for this one man to tell you he loves you and his love may well be genuine. The thing is, how long will his love last? Will it grow and blossom, or will it be short-lived, wildly in love and then out of love?

You need to do things as you think fits the occasion. If you think you can handle three guys at once, lucky you. If you feel that it's all a bit much (and I sense you are feeling overwhelmed at the moment) well maybe it would be sensible to put one, or two of the boys on hold until you've seen through one of the dates. How long does it normally take you to decide if they are LTR material? No one can ever predict what life's going to throw at you.

The thing would be to have three friendships going at the same time and work on which one seems the most meaningful to you for the extras, the romance, the sex, the feelings... If all else fails, you'll still have three friends, or at least two.

Take care.

[Vigilias]

Hi Benedict.

Is it wrong to date three guys at once? you ask.

That very much depends (in my opinion) if they each know about the others and would be accepting of this arrangement.

I'm not going to be too harsh on you. I've been there and done that.

I feel a more pertinent question is, why are you dating three guys at the same time. Are you perhaps hedging your bets in case one or the other doesn't work out? Do you fear commitment? What about sex? Could there be an issue there such as sexual compulsiveness? Or maybe a simple lack of assertiveness when it comes to saying what you really want from a guy? One guy wants a TLR but you don't, yet you let him think you do. Perhaps these are some areas to take a look at.

We quite often get guys posting here who have met who they feel is the right guy only for things to go wrong a few weeks down the line and the guy wants to know why, what he did wrong, why is the other guy so suddenly being so cold and distant. Maybe the reason is that he's involved with someone else already.

What you're doing doesn't make you evil or bad but you must surely realise that this could come back and bite you in the ass.

Maybe it's time to be honest with these guys, choose one and if you can't take a break from the dating game until you can work out what it you're looking for.

That's my take on the matter. Someone else will be along soon with theirs - maybe something I hadn't thought of - that's how this place works.

Welcome to the site, by the way.

Let us know how it works out or allow us to help you work it out.

God luck!

[Bowyn Aerrow]

In my opinion not only it is wrong, but its a burning offense.

That is why I don't do it.

Yeah "I love you" on Date Three is pretty extreme... It is possible, but I suspect this is not really love, it is major crush.

The problem with the three little words "I Love You" is that English is piss poor when it comes to having words for various types of love and infatuation. Saying 'I crush you' sounds dorky - stupid, saying 'I infatuate you' is also weird. So we are left with 'I love you that poorly expresses what we may be feeling.

Some people try with 'I like you, no I mean I really like you - a lot' but its not feeling to the task of expressing how much in like a person is.

I would cut him some slack due to the complexities of emotions and the singular lack of other words to express levels of love and types of love.

[MisterTinkles]

Nothing wrong with dating more than one person, as long as THEY all know you are dating other people!

Any guy who says "I love you" after a few weeks is looking for someone to pay his bills. RUN.

Gay to English translation:

"I love you" means = Im lonely, bored, and dont have money. I need a sugar daddy or someone to make me feel like Im not a pathetic loser. I cant be bothered to make up my own mind on anything, so it would help if you make my decisions for me, but dont expect me to like it.

[BorneoJake]

Depends how the others feel about you dating other guys. Just don't be keeping secrets or go breaking any hearts is all I"m saying. I know some people who have open relationships and as long as everyones happy and understanding, i guess its not a bad thing.