Hi,
At this time in my life I am finding it extremely difficult to accept my gender (or more specifically, my sex). I don't believe that I'm transgender, it's just that this powerful envy has come over me. I envy the different type of beauty that women are categorized under; I envy the fact that they're treated differently (being served first in restaurants sometimes, spoken to more gently, having doors opened for them, sometimes not having to pay the bill); how they have SO much more fashion choices; the fact that I sadly won't be able to give birth to my own child; and lastly, how they have a vagina (internal reproductive system that, for one, doesn't give them away when aroused). It's gotten to the point that every time I see a girl, I always think to myself "you'll never know what that feels like," and I get sad..so sad. I try reflecting on how there are definitely pros to being male, but I always see how there are more pros to being a woman (in my opinion). I just want to be happy again. I won't be happy until I accept who I am, especially my gender.
For anybody who has been in a similar situation, how did you finally accept your gender? What did you do? And does it get better?
And also, can somebody tell me the best parts of being a gay male? I know there are SO many benefits. I'm just not sure of what they are yet.
Thank you so much to whoever answers. I'm grateful.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
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I know those feelings not to the extreme of getting sad but I know what you mean looks fun and glam being a woman but being a gay man it can be the same . Are you going through a transition currently ? Or are these just feelings ?
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You are still young. You sound extremely confused about everything.
The first thing you have to do is let yourself live your life. Dont get drowned in "what if's" and "how come's" and "should I's or shouldn't I's". You have to live your life and as you live your life, you will discover what makes you happy, who you are, what your like's and dislike's are.
You are only 19, you have to give yourself time to figure out who you are. And a lot of people live well into their 30's and 40's before discovering who they really are and what they want out of life.
Dont make rash decisions, they will only harm you in the long run.
A lot of people wonder what it is like to be the other sex. Ive even wondered that myself. But even if one day, you decide to have a sex change...you will still be you. It wont change the fact that you weren't born female or grew up female. A lot of "men" discover this realization AFTER they have already had the surgeries....and then its too late.
As I have stated in many other threads, dont live to be "gay" or "straight". Dont live to be a "woman" or a "man". Just live to be YOU, and live to be a decent human being. Dont live your life as a label, live it as a human being. If you sell yourself as "gay" or "transgendered", then you have stuck yourself into that category, and all the stereotypes that come with those labels. People will expect the stereotypical things from you, not the person you are, but the labels you have put on yourself.
If you live as a decent human being, and try to live a label free life, then people will accept and like you, just for you. Not because you are "gay" or "transgendered" or whatever you might stipulate yourself as being. People will usually respond better to someone just being a decent, hardworking person...regardless of whether they like men, women or want to become a man or woman.
Dont stress yourself out trying to figure it all out right now, because you will just confuse yourself more.
Live your life, dont live your problems and issues. Read books on the subjects you want questions too, as well as watch documentaries on the same subjects. You might as a mental health counselor if there are any groups that you might sit in on, that deal with the subjects you need information on.
Give yourself time, you will find out who you are and what you want out of life soon enough. Right now, go out and have some fun, dont worry so hard about things you cant control.
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Well Sis, as some people here know, I love and often wear Uni-Sex clothes, sometimes they are feminine and sometimes not. I also can pass in girl clothes and obviously in boy clothes. So I can relate quite well, as I find joy in and embrace my femininity, or some would call it "my girl side".
I like being percieved to be a girl, however am 100% happy with being a male, and really don't want a Vagina, but am also abit jealous of the child birth thing.
I suppose you are Androgynous, atleast mentally, as you want both sides of the coin without giving up either side.
There's pros and cons to everything in life and those pros and cons can seem completely different to each individual, so what I see as a Pro, you may find to be a Con.
You musn't let such feelings overwhelm you, as who you are is beautiful and that if you were someone else (genderly or otherwise), then you wouldn't be you(not meaning in the instance of a sex change).
However broad my answers, they are nonetheless true 
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I was like that when I was about 6  but until a few years ago... I started looking at how beautiful the human body is, no matter if female or male, just look at how perfect your fingers are, or your eyes, even what you think of flaws are perfect, and look yourself, you are perfect :3. I know there may be some people with disabilities here, but Everyone is beautiful in it's own way, just look at how perfect your mouth is built, or how your muscles are perfectly made to move, or even if you have acne or any other skin thingy your skin is perfectly made, oh and your voice, your voice may be unique :3 we are all unique and perf gurl :'333 oh and about the fashion... you may say that women have more options, but guuurl, that's because you haven't seen it all (sorry, not good at this kind of things lol)
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And they get paid less for the same job done by men, taken less seriously, are more apt to be sexually harassed at work, passed over promotions and are victimized twice as much or more than men.
Who doesn't want to be a woman?
Seems to me you are suffering from the grass is greener syndrome and are not seriously considering exactly what it is like to be a woman in this world.
Perhaps because you don't live in an Islamic Nation where inequality is blatant and obvious instead you live the USA where the citizens pay lip-service to the idea of equality but actually there is still pretty little equality out there.
Start asking professional women how hard it is for them to be where they are. Ask them the type of crap they have to go through to get the same recognition as a male who does half the work, or worse, has his female secretaries doing all the work for him while he gets all the credit.
I bet doors being opened for you, wearing pretty clothes and being served first in posh restaurants will not look so nice then.
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I feel your pain. I have accepted the fact that I am transgender, but I'm filled with self loathing and hatred towards myself. Why in the fuck did people like you and me have to be born this way? It is a torture everyday being confined in a prison that is your body. Suicide is a frequent debate I have with myself, just because I know that in my case, trying to make my body match my gender won't work. Yeah it would make me happier, but i would more than likely lose most of my family, i would lose very close friends that I cherish, and i would definitely lose my job (which is a big part of me). Why would someone have to go through this pain everyday? I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It also pains me to know that no matter what I would choose to do, i wouldn't be able to be a real mother, and have my own kids. I hate looking anywhere towards my future because in every scenario I ee it in, it ends in sadness . As for considering yourself to not be trans, i understand, you feel like you should be a girl, and you were born a boy, the word trans to me kind of puts you under a banner of admitting you aren't in the "norm". People can try and relate to what kind of agony this is, but unless you are going through it, you can't feel the emotion, and im glad that I'm not alone on this forum with people like you, and Nick9 coming forward as well. I hope the best for you, and i hope that you will be able to pursue your true happiness.
Huggs
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unkown21 Wrote:I feel your pain. I have accepted the fact that I am transgender, but I'm filled with self loathing and hatred towards myself. Why in the fuck did people like you and me have to be born this way? It is a torture everyday being confined in a prison that is your body. Suicide is a frequent debate I have with myself, just because I know that in my case, trying to make my body match my gender won't work. Yeah it would make me happier, but i would more than likely lose most of my family, i would lose very close friends that I cherish, and i would definitely lose my job (which is a big part of me). Why would someone have to go through this pain everyday? I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It also pains me to know that no matter what I would choose to do, i wouldn't be able to be a real mother, and have my own kids. I hate looking anywhere towards my future because in every scenario I ee it in, it ends in sadness . As for considering yourself to not be trans, i understand, you feel like you should be a girl, and you were born a boy, the word trans to me kind of puts you under a banner of admitting you aren't in the "norm". People can try and relate to what kind of agony this is, but unless you are going through it, you can't feel the emotion, and im glad that I'm not alone on this forum with people like you, and Nick9 coming forward as well. I hope the best for you, and i hope that you will be able to pursue your true happiness.
Huggs
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Unkown, you asked why. The only answer I can find is to be more empathic and understanding to other people's sorrow. I know that you can make other people happy and through that happiness your life will be nicer too.
you can work with kids too. Trust me, with a body of a man and the soul of a woman...they will be drawn to you and you can teach them a lot of things and a lot of understanding *hug*
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And btw. Get out of your head that you can't be a real mother and have your own kids! That's such a nonsense! The only thing you can't is to give a birth. A lot of other women can't either. You CAN be a mother and you can have your own kids. Really
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