dealbreakers

[rover330]

just ended a relationship with a guy I really, really loved. I think our relationship is going to wind up being a good friendship, which is cool. there's no animosity, just a parting of ways.

this might be more than one topic and if I'm starting a topic that has already been discussed I apologize. I just really need an objective opinion and would like to know if anyone else has ever encountered these issues before and if so, how you approached them.

there were really 2 reasons that we couldn't get past.

1. he is 41, his mother is divorced and lives by herself in a her own home. she works as a cashier and makes a good living, she is financially secure. he is the man of the house, mowing the lawn, fixing the plumbing, when we were waking up naked in each others' arms in my place the phone rings at 9 in the morning on more than one occasion, she's having a garage sale and needs his help, or for whatever reason he needs to come home. He drops whatever he's doing and goes. I asked him once if he could ever envision moving out and getting his own place, and he said, well no, mom's always going to need me.

I asked him once if he didn't find it odd to be living with his mother at 41 and planning on living there for the rest of his life. He said 'no, not at all'.

My attitude, as cold as this may sound, is "ok, well, look me up when she dies."

2. texting. while he's hanging out with me, he's texting. I think it's just rude. he's hooked up to his i-phone, downloading music and he's not really present in the room. one day we were sitting at the table, I spoke to him a couple of times, he was staring at the i-phone with his eyes sort of glazed over.... so I texted him, 'hey, this your boyfriend. I'm sitting across the table from you.' and he stopped and apologized.

I guess Mom called one too many times and I hope they'll be very happy together. Do ya'll think I made the right decision?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I never had that close of a relationship with my own folks - so I kinda envy a person who has that close relationship.

I would be down on a guy who lives with his folks but does nothing for them - you know a cellar dweller type arraignment, not 'he does X,Y,Z for the folks.

I note with cell phones they are real lightweight. I bet I could stand at the edge my cliff out back and throw a cell phone far enough to hit the middle of the river....:tongue:

My 'deal breakers' are pretty lame. No violence. No cheating.

I guess I'm able to put up with a lot and have in the past... Perhaps I need to grow a pair and get all hostile about some stuff - such as 'I am not your maid' and lying - I allow a lot of lying slide by in the last relationship.

Which ended because I discovered in the last 12 years of our relationship he was having random hook-ups for sex with men, something on the order of 120 men (at least). As long as I didn't know I let it all slide.

[VileKyle]

My deal breakers are:

Cheating, smoking, drug use, sex addicts, intolerance of any sort, texting or phone use (just like you), vegetarians/vegans (must have a similar diet to my own), really overweight people, and unwillingness to try new things.

[naitsirc]

I think I have too many deal-breakers as evidenced by my single status.

[rover330]

guess I don't mind a guy loving his mom...

at first I thought he wasn't really into me in the first place, but, he's really hot and other guys in the area I know have courted him and told me the same result. He told me he loved me in ways that would have made Shakespeare blush. But it always goes back to Mom needing something.

I have a new dating rule... don't date mama's boys. what will he do when Mom dies (people do die) and he is utterly alone when he could have had a husband who would have been devoted to him for life. he will be utterly lost.

he chose Mom. I'm actually better off being single than to go through that drama man.

is there a time where a child needs to strike off on his own and leave his parents?

[rover330]

or more specifically, leave your mom?

I know it's kinda cool to have somebody fuss over you and bring you chicken soup, but, when you're 41?

[jimcrackcorn]

Lets see, if he's a kind & considerate person, and loves you,,,, then I'd buy a home next door to his Mother and continue the relationship.

In this type of relationship, the Mother will always take priority. You either learn to deal with it or start looking for someone else.

[TKC]

Rover - I would have done the same thing.

I'm looking for a twosome, not a threesome, and while I admire and respect that his mother is a big part of his life - it sounds like it was just too much if he would never consider striking it out on his own (or with you) in pursuit of potential domestic happiness.

AND, at 29, I deal with dates/boyfriends on their cell phones, a lot. My generation is riddled with cell phone addicts. Call me old fashioned, but it's possibly the most rude thing I experience, in public, with any sort of regular basis. To me it says "I'm not interested enough, in you, to maintain a conversation, find out more about you, spend undistracted time with you. Instead, I'd like to be distracted and entertained and not really experience the depths that life has to offer". Maybe it's a coping mechanism, maybe it's a bad habit, either way, it's effing rude.

[Sylph]

My Deal Breakers? Oh gurl;

1) Slutty ass Man Hoe - I'm not trying to contract HIV and AIDs, no thanks. That's not on my Calendar Sis, he would need to stick to me and keep his stick in me only...

2) Close-Minded Mulch Muncher - He can't be no negative nancy, pessimistic polly, debbie downer up in this biz, uh uh. He would need to be able to see the Bad and Good in everything.

3) Judging Judas - He can't judge people and make of them what he wants, because of his views. He needs to be compassionate and understanding.

4) Abusive Ass - Oh hell no Sis, that cunt could sit and spin a full 360 degrees twice on a rose thorn before I let him violently lay a finger on me or verbally assault me, no gurl, ain't happening!

Those are probably the instant hit-quitters, but I have other minor ones as well...

[ardus]

Biggie for me is someone who lies to me, if you don't have integrity you don't get me.

Richard