Most of all the important stuff has been said. Mostly things which should have been worked out before going into a relationship, during that phase called "courtship"
My perspective is that the relationship is the pinicale of what you and your partner keep working on.
Placing a condition on a relationship reduces the relationship to the level of whatever the condition is.
I oft think relationship is taken too lightly, similarly, aquantences are called friends, friends are called lovers and so on....
Call me old fashoned, but what happened to getting to know the opposite number for a reasonable time before starting a "intimate and domestic" relationship
Trial by error
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I appreciate the responses, thanks...
the end to this story is what recently happened to a cousin of mine.
his mother, my aunt, recently passed, god rest her soul, at 83.
now, he is in his late 50s. he spent his entire life living with and waiting on her, especially after his dad passed. I have no problem with being there for your mom... but... when you can't spend a night under any other roof than hers, and you have to be home by dark... or else she worries.. and you're 50 years old... and you've passed up any number of relationships because it would distract you from Mom...
at some point, don't you have to cut the apron strings? for me, I moved out when I was 17.
guess the main dealbreaker for me was I said this in a calm way to my ex, and he looked at me like I was from Mars.
now he is utterly alone in the world, his entire world revolved around Mom when he could have a home and a family of his own. this is what will probably happen to my ex. my cousin is miserable and utterly lost in the world.
it's a shame but he chose to never become involved in a relationship with anyone other than Mom. two times in a row this has happened to me with guys I've been really serious about.
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if you're 41 years old, should Mom really be calling to check on you after the streetlights come on to make sure you've had your vegetables? at some point, it's ridiculous.
my buddy told me "somebody needs to find that woman a man."
I said "why bother, she's already got one. mine."
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just as an example... and I'll stop beating this dead horse, I promise. we were in the middle of a pretty hot lovemaking time... the phone rings, and I'm like, oh Christ he's not gonna pick it up. he looked at the caller ID, it was Mom. he leapt up out of bed. she needed help with her garage sale. he put on his clothes and was out the door in a blur.
WTF?
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Your actions are totally justified, while I do actually live with my parents and I love them very much, my situation is different, my dad had an accident when I was a kid that left him incapacited for work, and when I was 16 my mom was also incapacited due Sleep Amnea and several other illness, while my older siblings got married I bacame the main provider for them if i happened to found a partner i'm serious with, I would speak wih my brother and sister to take a more active role on keeping and eye on them and if it happens to be the one for me I would move out with my partner.
Oh, my dealbreakers are quite simple, no cheating, no lying and no violence.
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