Boyfriend doesn't want to have sex with me. Why?

[kidchameleon]

is he more relaxed when drunk

Haha, oh god!
Speaking from experience, that advice never leads anywhere good

Have you considered he just might not be a very sexual person. I've read a lot about sexuality, and there have been some studies that suggest some people may have a romantic orientation - but may lack the sexual feelings to go with it? So while he may love you in a genuine way, he may not feel like that love makes him want to have sex?

Just an idea anyway. But yeah, as mentioned above - talking to him is probably a good idea. You just need to make sure you're asking the right questions. Don't just ask "why" and expect him to answer, give him suggestions that you think might be the problem, and see if he agrees. He may not be able to fully explain his reasoning himself?

[Lordswitch]

I honestly think you need to have the heart and push the conversation.
Do you guys behave as a couple with dinners and going out and mutual frends?
If so, go on a date and talk. Do not start with we need to talk, tell him that you have wondered how to best approach the subject and you would like to talk about the lack of sex, and that for you it feels odd.
be open, you talk first.

What are your feelings about sex?
Can you go without sex for much longer?
Would he be wiling to start slowly?
How does him not wanting sex with you make you feel? (worried, lonely, horny, frstrated, not wanted etc)

Relationships are about compromise, but both of you need to compromise. Some form of closeness is needed, eve if you just kiss properly and wank together to porn.

takew the bull by the horns and talk. If you're afraid it mght ruin you then so be it. The state of non communication and lack of meeting eachother halfway with the physical interaction will be juts as damaging, trust me.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Yes, I've tried talking to him about it many times. He just says he doesn't want it and I don't have the heart to force him to talk. But yeah, I feel that there's something greater underneath.

He answered your question. Did he not?

When I ask him to tell me what is wrong, he always says he’s not ready for sex and doesn’t want it. This is his only explanation.

There may actually be no more to this than he is not ready for sex and doesn't want sex. It doesn't have to be any more complicated than that.

Just because you feel there is something greater underneath doesn't mean there is. You can't force a person to talk about anything. You have asked, he has given you his answer(s). They may not be satisfying to you, they may be alien concepts to you - the may seem to be very atypical of a young gay man... but they are his answers and like it or not his answers are valid to him.

If you can't live without intimacy then you need to nicely tell him this. don't try the Ultimatum Route of 'Have sex with me or else' but do try to explain to him that you need more to be satisfied with a relationship.

[gilhooly]

At 27 you need a physical relationship to back up your feelings of love. At 67, I can now live without it. It would be fun to fall in love again but I have had loving relations with about 20 guys. I was always very direct with guys. I was fearless and enjoyed challenging straight guys to have sex with me. They often became interested in a guy who said out loud how much I loved sucking cock and how good semen tasted.

In the marine corps I was on fire. I was surrounded by good looking guys with hard bodies. I staged some of the best all male orgies ever held at Camp LeJeune, NC. I refused to take NO as an answer. Afterwards, all these straight guys were surprised how much they liked having sex with a bunch of good looking guys. It is easier to come out in a group. You feel less self conscious. It also gives you nice long term memories of homosexuality.

I checked. Most guys did eventual marry but all of them were delighted to see me again. I would ask the advice they gave their sons and daughters, all said they told their kids to be unafraid of sex with the same sex. They loved having sex with me, I loved having sex with them.

One thing I always did, I made sure the guy did not have an anticlimax. That sensation often gives rise to feelings of guilt. I complimented the guy before, during and after sex. I told him he was the most beautiful guy who ever took his pants off. I encouraged marines to perform strip tease in front of other marines. It felt outrageous and complimented our training that we should go AT a problem, I went AT guys with my mouth and sphincter open and dared them to make me cry ike a baby. I didn't. I laughed until I got everyone hard again. The orgasms were sometimes countless. I told everyone they should cum 5 times for their country on a daily basis. If you did less, you were a Soviet KGB agent and ruining America's ability to ejaculater frequently.

I am still on guard. After 85,000 orgasms I have never felt guilt and I still vote in every election. And I give lots of money to charity. Gay guys should not be cheap. Pay attention to your neighbors these days.

Edward, be direct with this guy. He will drop you or he may come completely out of his shell. Tell him the love between men is virtuous, not sinful. Make him want to take your pants off and give you a great blowjob. It is a moral act between men for ten thousand years.

Go for it!!!!!!

[azulai]

Hi Edward,
Here are some questions you may want to explore:

>Does he masturbate? Watch porn? Can he acheive an erection? Can he maintain an erection?

>Does he smoke? Drugs? Alcohol?

>What are his views of sex? Gay guilt?

>Any signs of depression? Since low dopamine levels effect desire.

>Has he had his testosterone levels checked?
There are other hormones that could also be involved:
>His thyroid? low levels of the thyroid hormone effect the sex drive.
It's rare but high levels of prolactin (a hormone produced by the pituitary gland) interfere with a man's ability to produce testosterone.

>Also, have vitamin D and B12 levels checked. He should be screened for diabetes, as the onset of diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol effect sex drive.

>He could be a gay asexual. He may experience romantic attraction but not sexual attraction. He may sincerely love you but have no sexual desire in general as he might view romantic and sexual attraction as two separate entities.

>Not all gay men are interested in anal, maybe he is afraid to start any sexual activity thinking it has only one obvious conclusion-->anal. He might fear talking about it and losing you altogether if anal is taken out of the picture. Maybe you could discuss other things like frot, hot-dogging, or mutual masturbation. By him telling you 'he's just not ready' he avoids the issue, and has you believing sex is in the future. You, in infinite patience and love, build a life with him and eventually sex is off the table.

I think you have shown admirable compassion and patience. By approaching a discussion in a loving and calm manner, as you seem inclined, the intimacy of your relationship could truly blossom. My sincere best wishes.

[Edward]

Hi Edward,
Here are some questions you may want to explore:

>Does he masturbate? Watch porn? Can he acheive an erection? Can he maintain an erection?

>Does he smoke? Drugs? Alcohol?

>What are his views of sex? Gay guilt?

>Any signs of depression? Since low dopamine levels effect desire.

>Has he had his testosterone levels checked?
There are other hormones that could also be involved:
>His thyroid? low levels of the thyroid hormone effect the sex drive.
It's rare but high levels of prolactin (a hormone produced by the pituitary gland) interfere with a man's ability to produce testosterone.

>Also, have vitamin D and B12 levels checked. He should be screened for diabetes, as the onset of diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol effect sex drive.

>He could be a gay asexual. He may experience romantic attraction but not sexual attraction. He may sincerely love you but have no sexual desire in general as he might view romantic and sexual attraction as two separate entities.

>Not all gay men are interested in anal, maybe he is afraid to start any sexual activity thinking it has only one obvious conclusion-->anal. He might fear talking about it and losing you altogether if anal is taken out of the picture. Maybe you could discuss other things like frot, hot-dogging, or mutual masturbation. By him telling you 'he's just not ready' he avoids the issue, and has you believing sex is in the future. You, in infinite patience and love, build a life with him and eventually sex is off the table.

I think you have shown admirable compassion and patience. By approaching a discussion in a loving and calm manner, as you seem inclined, the intimacy of your relationship could truly blossom. My sincere best wishes.

Wow, so much to explore I don't know all the details about hormones and testosterone levels, but I know that he's very healthy, he's an active sportsman, he doesn't smoke, not even talking about other harmful things, he's always happy and smiling. Also, as far as I know he has never been ashamed of being gay, he has a great family.

Also, thank you for being so kind.

[gilhooly]

You should move on and find a partner who wants to have sex with you. You are at a very bad age to be celibate.

Keep him as a friend and tell him you need a lover. The fear of losing you may get him to overcome his fear of sex. Some guys are emotionally terrified of anal sex and feel they will be "unmanned" by the experience. Reality is usually the reverse. I felt more manly being penetrated than just topping all the time.

Fear of being dumped may change his mind and put you in a better mood. You add a little zest to your step and you become more attractive.

Good luck!!

[RDM]

Ask him if he's an asexual. If he is, then he should be already aware of the situation (every asexual knows there's something unusual about them).

Make him feel comfortable with the subject. Do not demand or force anything. Make sure he understands that all you need is the truth.