07-21-2013, 06:48 PM
So my boyfriend had "batted" the idea of us getting married more than a couple of times now and I have to be honest, the idea of being married again sort of scares me. It's not that I don't love him or can't see myself spending the rest of my life with him, cause I do on both counts. It's just whenever he brings it up I cringe internally and try to change the subject as fast as possible.
Some of it, I think is the fact that our finances aren't really where they need to be. They're getting better, but still not where I'd like them to be. Secondly, even though I really do love him, I don't want to just "jump" into that level of commitment this early. I mean, we've only been seeing each other for a little over eight months. Which leads me to my final point.
I think the biggest obstacle I have to getting married at this point is all the emotional baggage that I'm still carrying around from my last marriage. Maybe it's wrong of me, but coming out of a wrecked marriage, all be it a lot of that was my fault, and a messy divorce, I think I may be worried about another long term relationship turning out the same way. And that really bothers me because I want to completely let go of the past so that I can enjoy the present and the future with the one I love, whether it's my current boyfriend or whoever.
I guess what it all boils down to is that I don't want to keep comparing any relationship I may be in to the one I had with my ex wife. I just wish I could figure out how to do that.
Some of it, I think is the fact that our finances aren't really where they need to be. They're getting better, but still not where I'd like them to be. Secondly, even though I really do love him, I don't want to just "jump" into that level of commitment this early. I mean, we've only been seeing each other for a little over eight months. Which leads me to my final point.
I think the biggest obstacle I have to getting married at this point is all the emotional baggage that I'm still carrying around from my last marriage. Maybe it's wrong of me, but coming out of a wrecked marriage, all be it a lot of that was my fault, and a messy divorce, I think I may be worried about another long term relationship turning out the same way. And that really bothers me because I want to completely let go of the past so that I can enjoy the present and the future with the one I love, whether it's my current boyfriend or whoever.
I guess what it all boils down to is that I don't want to keep comparing any relationship I may be in to the one I had with my ex wife. I just wish I could figure out how to do that.