problem

[Anonymous]

So I'm seeing this guy and I'm just not sure. He's friendly and nice and buys me lots of things but I still just cant bring myself to trust him. Okay, so like many people I have trust issues...but I really worry that I have good reason not to trust him. The reason? He is a psychologist. I'm worried that he is manipulating me, and I know that its a real possibility.

He loves me, I know he does..so..

Should I just trust him completely and hope that he has my best interests at heart because he loves me..

Or..

Should I assert myself and refuse to be walked all over. Just because he thinks he knows what is best doesn't mean that he is right.

I dunno..so tired of this entire problem. Tired of feeling this way. Anyway, figured I'd ask all you fellas and see what you guys think!

[fjp999]

Why do you fear that he is manipulating you?

In any case I do believe that you should assert yourself if you feel that he is walking all over you. You must speak to him about it. Communication is key.

Sounds like you are really frustrated and it has been going on a long time but you dont give enough details to make an honest discussion.

[Shadow]

Indeed - what is it that makes you think he's walking all over you ? Does he emotionally dominate you, and then buy you things to apologise ? Is that what's happening ?

A bit more information and we'll be able to advise you better x

Keep your chin up mile:.

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[marshlander]

You KNOW he loves you and yet ... ?

Sounds like a funny kind of knowledge or a funny kind of love.

By all means, be true to yourself and don't subjugate your individuality, but to cut him off because of his profession doesn't speak highly of your regard for him.

Perhaps you both deserve better?

[Anonymous]

Oh details details.

I feel like he walks all over me because every time he says something that upsets me and I say 'hey don't do that' he turns around and says that Im 'misinterpreting' his words, or that it's not him making me feel that way, its me making myself feel like that.

I'm not stupid, I know that sometimes it's my own insecurities making me get upset, but there are times when I genuinely feel that he is in the wrong. But every time I have to give in.

Then it occured to me that maybe I should just give in anyway, everytime, because he loves me and has my best interests at heart. But the other side of that coin is that he can't know what is best for me, because what he thinks is best isn't necessarilly best for me. So I'm not sure what to do... And he is sneaky, and runs rings around me.

its more that he refuses to listen to me when I say that something he has said upsets me, he just turns around and tells me im insecure. Im not dumb, I know that sometimes its just me but there are other times when i genuinely feel that he is in the wrong. He does this every time though. I just dont know how to figure out whether

[spotysocks]

Seems that you are still getting to know each other and adjusting into your relationship, how long you are together?

So I'm seeing this guy and I'm just not sure. He's friendly and nice and buys me lots of things but I still just cant bring myself to trust him. Okay, so like many people I have trust issues...but I really worry that I have good reason not to trust him. The reason? He is a psychologist. I'm worried that he is manipulating me, and I know that its a real possibility.

Because of his profession doesn't necessarily mean he is manipulating you. A non psychologist can manipulate others as well, you dont need a degree to do that. Beng a psychologist doesnt mean you manipulate people because you have perhaps a better understanding on behaviors. Dont be intimidated by his profession however you should look at to what he does and you feel manipulated and walked over.

I'm not stupid, I know that sometimes it's my own insecurities making me get upset, but there are times when I genuinely feel that he is in the wrong. But every time I have to give in.

At the end of the day you should say to him: yes i might be insecure i am not always right nor wrong and the same counts for you,i have things i am sensitive about respect them; and you will do the same.
It is difficult when someone thinks is always right and knows best. In a relationship you should be equal, i find when you are not then can be some or a lot of fiction. I think you want to make your own choices right? You should do that and when you need help advice, guidance then ask him for help.

Should I just trust him completely and hope that he has my best interests at heart because he loves me..

Or..

Should I assert myself and refuse to be walked all over. Just because he thinks he knows what is best doesn't mean that he is right.

Ideally you should be able to do both: trust him and not being walked over. In any relationship i believe there should be some understanding, when one of you is annoyed by something talk about it, respect it and not change who you are but adjust your/his ways, eventually become a better version of yourselves.
Start taking initiatives is a good idea, this could be from choosing what film to watch or a play to see to anything in your everyday life. This way you show to him that he is not alone in the relationship and you have an opinion that matters. Sharing not bossing around.

[marshlander]

... Then it occured to me that maybe I should just give in anyway, everytime, because he loves me and has my best interests at heart.

NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! I'm not usually so assertive, but you are describing power games and we're all worth more than that.

But the other side of that coin is that he can't know what is best for me, because what he thinks is best isn't necessarilly best for me. So I'm not sure what to do... And he is sneaky, and runs rings around me.

Sorry, again, Anon, but what you are describing is dangerously close to emotional abuse :frown:

its more that he refuses to listen to me when I say that something he has said upsets me, he just turns around and tells me im insecure. Im not dumb, I know that sometimes its just me but there are other times when i genuinely feel that he is in the wrong. He does this every time though. I just dont know how to figure out whether

The good thing about this is that you still have a sense of your own worth. How long is that going to last? Obviously we only have your side of the story and he could easily have quite a different perception of what is going on. However, taking your side of the story at face value for the moment, you have to get him to value you properly as a person. If he can't make the effort to make you happy you don't have a relationship. A relationship is a place where we should feel safe and where we can grow and share. From what you describe it ain't happening for you.

I'm really sorry, but I believe you have some tough decisions to make. That you are airing your concerns here sounds like you are already beginning to recognise that. The habits of behaviour that couples get into can be altered, but it takes a great deal of effort from both sides and sometimes the intervention of a third party too. If you want to salvage your relationship what are the chances of you getting to see a couples counsellor? Relate - used to be marriage guidance bureau - also offer a service to same-sex couples. Getting your partner to see the need may be more tricky.

I wish both of you strength and future happiness and the ton of luck you're going to need to get there.