Is it possible to be molested and not remember?

[Seekinghappines]

This may be a dumb question. Can someone by sexually abused as a child and not consciously remember it? I don't consciously remember anything happening to me, but I have been profoundly affected by something. When I was a young child I would expose myself to other kids, draw sexual images in school and try to play touching games with other kids. When I was a teenager I started having dreams about being molested by my grandfather and having sex with my father, and would wake up feeling icky. When I was a teenager I became involved with some older guys online and met one for sex. Starting in my teens I began to use sex to validate myself with older men. I also became addicted to porn which I am now dealing with to try and fix.

Throughout my life I've felt a deep sense of shame about what happened when I was a child and why these series of events happened like they did. I just figure that something must have happened to me. A child wouldn't do these things for no reason. I don't want to say I was sexually abused if I wasn't but I want to understand what happened to me.

Can someone provide some input?

[Edward]

Well, if someone was abused in a very early age, like when he or she was an infant, then yes, they won't remember it.

But actually I think that it's not possible to not remember such a horrible thing happening. A close friend of mine was sexually abused when she was 5 or 6 years old. Now she's 26 and unfortunately she still remembers everything.

[archubbycub]

I think it's possible that something did happen to you and you suppressed the memories of it to "protect" yourself. And these actions that occurred afterwards were those suppressed memories and emotions surfacing. My advice would be to seek professional counseling on this matter. If for nothing more than your own emotional health.

[OrphanPip]

Repressed memories are a controversial subject, not all psychiatrist believe they exist, some do though. It's considered a form of amnesia brought on by trauma.

[TKC]

It's totally possible. When I was a kid, I was physically - not sexually - abused by a baby-sitter and just wasn't capable of handling the situation at the time. So, I repressed it for 15 years. Then, one day, I was running on town lake right after my father passed and I was already dealing with really emotional things and all the memories came flooding back. I confirmed the abuse with my sisters, who were also present. It was really really hard for me to work through, at the time, but it gets easier.

I'd absolutely do what arc mentions - see a counsellor - even if you weren't abused it sounds like there are some things revolving around sex that it may be time to handle. The road won't be easy, but it'll be worth it.

[SeaDevil]

Yeah, [Edward] is incorrect. His friend would be an exception, but a rule. Most of my issues came from being groomed by my stepfather as a child, but it took a lot of time to remember things that happened to me, and I still have a blank spot for a lot of my childhood.

PTSD can cause loss or suppression of memory of a negative event, especial in children. It becomes a major issue when someone had flashbacks. I'd see a psychiatrist, though.

[Tim18]

Yes, it is totally possible to repress memories of abuse.

[Vigilias]

You're seeking an answer to a question which I feel is to specialised for any of us to answer with any certainty.

Perhaps you should ask your GP for a referral to someone who is qualified to guide you through the process of finding out.

It could take many years and the answer may lie elsewhere.

Good luck though!

[Pix]

When I was a young child I would expose myself to other kids, draw sexual images in school and try to play touching games with other kids.

When I was a teenager I started having dreams about being molested by my grandfather and having sex with my father, and would wake up feeling icky. When I was a teenager I became involved with some older guys online and met one for sex. Starting in my teens I began to use sex to validate myself with older men. I also became addicted to porn which I am now dealing with to try and fix.

Throughout my life I've felt a deep sense of shame about what happened when I was a child and why these series of events happened like they did. I just figure that something must have happened to me. A child wouldn't do these things for no reason. I don't want to say I was sexually abused if I wasn't but I want to understand what happened to me.

Can someone provide some input?

I actually got the impression this was normal for kids. Not that all kids did it, but plenty do, especially once in their teens (but I recall "sexual" play from when I was as young as 6). And as they get older they have all types of sexual dreams, including with people they hug a lot, and meanwhile plenty enjoy adult attention they receive that can be at least subconsciously sexual in nature (though a legion of men are fully conscious of what they're doing as they look, flirt, and even blatantly groom & seduce minors, especially teens of both genders). And then many end up feeling guilty over this, too (as well as feeling guilty for what adults did as adults like this tend to be master manipulators who know how to play unsophisticated kids into thinking it was all their idea, he's just "being accommodating/tolerant").

Granted, it could be sexual abuse is that rampant....but given that even embryos masturbate (for HOURS!) I'm inclined to think it's just natural (though obviously psychological trauma can exacerbate or poison it, and perhaps ironically sexual abuse seems most common among those who try to make everyone feel guilty for sexual behavior).

[MisterTinkles]

Anyone can "shut something away" in their minds and make themselves forget, ignore, or pretend it never happened.