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08-04-2013, 12:08 PM

So I finally had the courage to invite the guy i liked to go to my first gay bar along with my friend and his friends. He was iffy with his plans and he was going to let me know if he could make it. He seemed very happy and wanted to go when I asked him so I was really excited. I got the message from his friend that he was going and I couldn't have been happier!

So I get ready make myself look incredible ready for an amazing night, just going to chill and dance and make some new friends! Once we get to the club I text his friend saying, "we are here!" Then I get the response that the guy I like bailed out. My mood drastically changed from feeling good, to feeling complete crap. I had to leave and have a cry. I didn't want to stay there, feel bad, drink to make me feel better, and do something to ruin the night for everyone.

I just feel like a complete loser. I put too high expectations on this night, and ruined it. I mean I would have liked it if he would have sent me a message saying things came up than just completely flaking out not going to say anything. I thought he was just a very shy kid, but he's nothing but a coward.

I like to use negative experiences though to my advantage rather than mope on them. It was a learning experience for me and the positive thing counts. My question though is this, should I hear him out and forgive and forget or is he just not worth it anymore? I have feelings of sadness and anger, but I want to be understanding and willing to give him a second chance.

08-04-2013, 12:27 PM

BornThisWay Wrote:I put too high expectations on this night, and ruined it.

Well,when people put too much expectation,they're vulnerable to down fall. Of course you should be excited,but maybe not too excited?

BornThisWay Wrote:My question though is this, should I hear him out and forgive and forget or is he just not worth it anymore? I have feelings of sadness and anger, but I want to be understanding and willing to give him a second chance.

You answered your question already. I'll say hear him out first. More often than not,people have a valid reason that is not conveyable to the other party instantly. Cheers. Baer

08-04-2013, 12:46 PM

yeah I would hear him out...I mean from what you said you thought he was a shy kid...well maybe he is? Maybe he was just too shy to go out with you. Shyness can be kinda crippling if its bad enough. When I was younger I was very very shy. I used to never say anything and let people walk all over me especially people I put up on a pedestal so to speak.

If it becomes a pattern and he doesnt have a REALLY good reason(like being really shy) then I would forget him.

trywait · 08-04-2013, 03:12 PM

borny

08-04-2013, 03:13 PM

I remember there was a time when I would freak out about going to clubs alone - even if i knew someone that was already at the club I was going to, actually walking in the door was a challenge because i'd be self conscious and worried that i'd do something wrong and piss someone off befor I found my friends.

I'm glad to say i'm nothing like that now (although I still prefer to catch up with people first rather than actually meet them inside the club)
So it could be something like that.

08-04-2013, 04:26 PM

Awwwww Thanks you guys! You guys are so awesome! Yeah I don't want to have hate in my heart about someone, I want to be understanding and try to hear things out. I just never had this happen to me before.

08-04-2013, 05:08 PM

Hi BornThisWay, I am really sorry to hear you this person let you down. My 2 cents? This guy just isn't worth it and it's disappointing when people do stuff like that. If I had a quid for every time I was let down by these flaky guys I could afford to go to Mount Fuji on a luxury airliner. I've been stood up enough times myself. Unfortunately this is what a lot of people are like - generally spineless and unpleeasant.

But you're better than that. We all get nervous on dates but at least you were brave enough to show up. He is a bit of a wimp to put it politely. Maybe we all get nervous but still to not show up without a good reason is disgraceful.

Dan1980 · 08-04-2013, 05:14 PM

I am sorry he let you down. He could of been shy and really nervous. Is there any way you can contact him.

08-04-2013, 06:43 PM

I have put very FEW expectations on people, simply because they never follow through.

So, I just learned when I was very young, you dont trust anyone and you DO NOT hold them to expectations.

Those people who HAVE shown me they do follow through and are capable of keeping promises, I do have expectations from, and they know it. So they never fail me. If they cant keep a date or a promise, I get an explanation well in advance, which is acceptable.

I would have invited the guy and then forgot about it. If he showed up, THEN I would have been excited.

You have to keep your emotions in check, otherwise you run home crying too much and turning into a drug addict, alcoholic, or getting fat from scarfing chips and chocolate.

08-04-2013, 07:03 PM

No I would never result to alcohol, drugs, or other unspeakable things to cure a broken heart. I'm never going to give up the person I'am just for one guy. I usually like to use my negativity to my advantage. I use negativity in my passions like when I practice martial arts or when I'm filming something. In away I try to make negative energy into something more positive. This was a learning experience for me and sometimes the negative things in life can lead to other things. Just how things work ya know