I know it's time ....

[johnnyboy]

My name is John and I am 27 and grew up in London , I knew I was different from about 11 going into puberty that's when I realized I liked men more then woman , it's been an enormous struggle trying to pretend like I'm like everyone else like laughing at gay discrimination when inside I just want to scream at those Bigoted morons ,when something gay related is bought up in a conversation I get really anxious and I'm sick of being miserable now.
I have had sex with a girl only once ,and had more sexual relations with men so does this mean I am more gay than bi?
In May I had a huge breakdown because my drug use was out of control I guess I was just trying to block out the inevitable , I never clucked for drugs they just blocked out all my feelings ,then magnified them when they wore off.
I am now in therapy (CBT) and have begun leading a very healthy lifestyle, I am running Dublin marathon in October not for a charity but for my own personal issues ,it's time I face up to the fact I am who I am ,I just dread telling everyone now it makes me feel sick to my stomach as I have no gay friends and have no idea about the gay scene , what if I am not accepted on both sides ?


Anyway I wish all the luck and support in the world to those who are in the same boat as me , I KNOW THE TIME HAS COME WISH ME LUCK!!

John xx

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Hi John.

First, Welcome to the Gayspeak.

Secondly, A few of us here have past drug experience, I am one such individual. I discovered that a lot of people who are addicted to drugs are addicted not so much because of the drug, but because they are using the drug to self-medicate 'stuff' away.

So your experience is very typical of the drug user's problem.


Are you more gay than bi? Hmm. That is going to be a hard call to make since I don't know you.

While the word is homosexual, a lot of people think of it as homoSEXual - meaning they put way to much emphasis on the sex part.

Being 'gay' is a bit more complicated than who you have sex with. If you find yourself wanting to share your life more with a man than a woman in all of those other ways, then you are more gay than straight. If you find that you want to be with a woman in all of those ways more than men, then you are more straight than gay.

If your laying in bed day dreaming about what the 'ideal' dinner with a potential mate, how is dinner prepared? Are you cooking for a guy or a gal, or is it a guy/gal who you can envision in the kitchen or is it a gay or a gal who you are preparing food with?

Tossing away all the bigotry in the world, the intolerance - and assuming you can walk down the street hand in hand with anyone of your choice, do you see yourself holding hands with a guy or a gal?

It is these sorts of things that really decide our sexuality. Sex is a momentary lust and pleasure - living is life long, who we want to spend time with, share our life with, grow old with, build a home with - that really determines our 'sexual preference'.


I don't know how this all works for you, ultimately you are the only one who knows what it is you desire in life when it comes to love and relationships. If you find yourself more attracted to one gender over the other when it comes to that aspect, then you are bi leaning toward that gender.

And that is perfectly OK.

[MisterTinkles]

You dont need to tell anyone anything. Its none of their damned business.

If you walk up with a boyfriend on your arm one day, and they have a problem with it....thats THEIR problem, not YOURS.

If you have to dump all of them and find new friends, then so be it. You do NOT have to be telling anybody anything about your personal life or preferences.

If someone likes/loves you, then they will like/love you for the decent person they believe you to be....not because of some ignorant label society has deemed inaccurate to be putting on people.

If people cant like/love you for you being Johnnyboy, then dont even waste your time on them.
They will do nothing but drag you down.

Drugs dont make the problems of life go away, they just hide them for a while.
You have to deal with life, you have to bitch slap it in the face sometimes, and kick Mother Nature in the crotch. Otherwise it will get you down.

Im sure there are some LGBT organizations you can contact to see if there are any social groups or social events near you, that you can visit or sit in on. There are always online chat places and stuff.

Theres a ton of peeps on here from England, so who knows, you might find some good friends.


When life kicks you in the balls, get a pair of steel tipped boots and kick back!!!!

[sillyboy86]

Hi and welcome to GS!
I'm 27 to, and I'm a Londoner to (LOL only since some months...)

It is good that you are facing your problems without let defeat, and regarding your sexuality I don't think you should get too many problems. London is a very open minded city, maybe the entire UK.

Are you gay? Bi? Not a problem at all, If now you're attracted by boys, you could be gay, but maybe one day you will find another interesting girl, like in the past.
I'm new in the gay scene too, If I had already understood what is the gay scene

I hope you feel good here. Nice to meet you.

[pellaz]

congratulations of pursuing a healthier life style. Along these lines look at a gay men's health forum realjock.com not a functional social site but you will find better tips on exercise and running. Diet modifications. Stabilize this aspect of your life first, join a gym, get a junk bike...

gay friends
Select your friends with extreme care. Toss to the curb those that drink drugs or excessive anything. I generally have a sexual tension between men that makes most gay men difficult as just friends. Makes the straight male friends difficult to; friendship is usually along the lines of none social issues, that is i use them to hang drywall, work a car, debug a computer or an area of expertise they have i dont. Friends are different than acquaintances, my friends accept me as who i am. just me but a good straight female friend is a good resource to help with social issues. everyone different but pick the friends with care and treat everyone just a little better than they expect.

being a gay man
your gay if you can be more successful in a same sex relationship. Sex plays a small part in this. Porn has no influence. A gay is not these days limited and can work on cars, attend the theater, be good at math and otherwise live the life they want. If you ask anyone on the street they dont care these days and really want you to just be happy. If you draw a big black line between gay and straight you will more often fail.

-come out to your self first
-Being in a relationship will not make you a better person.
-gay or straight relationships are mostly the same and are a lot of work

[Geminize]

I just dread telling everyone now it makes me feel sick to my stomach as I have no gay friends and have no idea about the gay scene , what if I am not accepted on both sides ?

Welcome to GS, John.

If the thought of coming out to "everyone" makes you feel sick, then don't do it. At least not all at once. How do you know you have no gay friends..? You are not the only guy in the world who has hidden his sexuality for years.

As has been said many times in this forum: gay, bi, and straight are just labels. Some people fit neatly into one of them. Many of us don't. Your sexuality might blur the lines and change over time. Don't try to force yourself into a limited definition, or allow yourself to be restricted by one.

The world is not divided into the straight scene and the gay scene. Be true to yourself, deal fairly with people, take responsibility for your life and your actions, and you may be surprised how easily you and your sexuality are accepted.

You're in London, the diversity there must be huge! You don't have to dive headfirst into the "gay scene".

Good luck! You'll find lots of support here if you need it.

[Maverick]

Once again, awesome advice Bowyn; I think you hit the nail on the head...