How?

[jstack]

I'm a 20 year old student who lives in England. Since secondary school I've always had an incline that I was attracted to guys but always tried to ignore it. In the last few years I've been able to admit to myself that I like guys but not yet been able to tell everyone else. The only person who I have told is a close friend and she has been great. I think now is the time to come out but I really don't know the best way to do it or the reaction a lot of my family and friends will have. I have a feeling that some of my family and friends will be really happy for me but I am really unsure of the reaction my closest friends will have. If anyone out there could give me some advice I would be very grateful.

Cheers, James X

[gilhooly]

Hi James X

There is no easy way. I came out at ten, 57 years ago and my sister at 74 still hates me and calls me a faggot behind my back. Sometimes she calls and ask "John, when are you going to commit suicide. All gay men should be dead and in hell." "Thanks for thinking of me, Catherine. My cat, Buster, needs cat food. I must go the supermarket. Cat food is on sale. Tell you what. I will check my calendar and see if I have an open date. If I find time to commit suicide, you can come over to my house and watch. Love you, Catherine. I have to go. Get lost, you annoy me." I hang up.

The moment you come out you will lose some friends and relatives. You are better off knowing who really loves you as yourself than some mythical person you are not. The sooner you do it, it hurts terribly but pain always ends eventually. At 10 the pain did not last very long.

More serious problem is how many doors will be permanently shut to you for being gay. Quite a few. Don't waste time on religion. Gay politicians are sliced to death by the media. Some schools can be hostile to gays. What career do you want to follow. Entertainers can do almost anything. Artists and writers and decorators and graphic artists are often gay.

Don't leave your parents in the dark. You may feel lonely at the thought of losing you. You will buld a new life. They will miss you in the long run. They will get old and have no son to talk to. My parents loved me. I made sure my dad died with a big grin on his face at the age of 84. He never even made a snotty remark to me about being gay. My parents loved me a lot and I could never thank them enough.

Got shit upon by a lot of ignorant people and some close friends who stabbed me in the back. If you want an easy lifestyle, be straight. I paid to be gay and I enjoyed my sexuality from start to finish.

I'd just do it and get it over with. It will hurt but so does tatooing, which is popular with gays.

Don't blame anybody for being gay. Tell God you like the feelings and present that image to the world. Most people will accept your definition of yourself. I would not waste my time figuring your life out. Live it and have some fun. Sex with guys can be awful funny. We are a little more open than girls. Gays don't commit suicide when they are not polite. Have fun.

John

[megumidesu]

0__o

anyway

how about just continue being yourself , whether you're religious or not and whatever personality you have , and try not to worry about what anyone else thinks . gay men (and women) cannot and should not be generalized because everyone is different.

remember that your real friends will still be your friends whether you're gay or not . even if it takes them time to get used to the idea .
family is confusing . if they love you , they should be supportive . but i know some families have difficulty with the idea of someone in their family being gay . they should come around eventually , though

[Undreamt]

I was lucky, I avoided the awkwardness of having to come out by telling my girlfriend as we were breaking up. She was a huge gossip and told everyone for me.

Worked really well to be honest, I got support from my friends that were happy for me, the others just thought she was being spiteful and had some time to get used to the idea befor I confirmed it.

[Dreamer]

I came out at ten, 57 years ago and my sister at 74 still hates me and calls me a faggot behind my back. Sometimes she calls and ask "John, when are you going to commit suicide. All gay men should be dead and in hell."

In response to that call I'd be like,

"Well, you dried up cunt... you'll be there any day now, so why on earth would I quicken the process of having to be stuck there with your bitter ass for eternity? No thanks!",

and hang up.. making sure to never talk to her again.

Wow, you're sisters a bitch!

lol

If I ever had family who could never get over the fact that I'm gay, accept it, or at least respect me....
especially after a lifetime, essentially...

I'd call that bridge burnt for life, and cut them off for good!

Why put yourself through that sort of pain, and deliberate inter-personal assassination?

Fuck that!

I understand "family is family"... and "ain't nothing thicker than blood", but shit!
I have my limits!

[pellaz]

to the OP:
no need to tell anyone. I dont think you feel that option.
but
in a relationship tho you share your life with someone. You will have to have a honest life in order to share it with someone. this you will have to do.

in the process of outing your self dont confuse friends with acquaintances.

you dont owe you parents anything. for example; how is it they lived with you 20 years and havent figured your gay. they may have struggled with their self image and failed.

the average person on the street under the age of 30 is 110% adjusted to who might be gay. They only want what is best for you and really consider it not their business. Things have changed at least in most of the UK, its the law. Not the case when your parents were developing up their big moral views.

[Sharo]

This probably isn’t an advice you are hoping for but that’s the only thing I can offer. I knew I’m gay since forever, even before I knew that word, and I never told a single soul (well okay I did once to a new friend out of fear she might think I’m hitting on her, but it was unnecessary, she knew on her own), people just knew, the same way they know someone’s hetero I think. I’m not obvious, I don’t „act gay” as some call it (although I’m interested in cooking, interior design and hate football/soccer, but many straight guys do too ... I like hockey by the way XD), except when obviously fooling around, but I don’t try to purposefully hid it and those who care about me - know. Guess they notice I’m not staring at girl’s tits but guys’ butts and stuff like that You know, tiny hints that come up in innocent conversations and that kind of stuff. And those who don’t care enough to notice little things like that? Sorry but I don’t think it’s their business anyway, I don’t walk around asking people if they like brunettes or red heads so why would they care if I like guys or girls? If someone asks I answer truthfully because I don’t see why I should be hiding that but if they don’t ask, then I just don’t care what they think, why would I?

I don’t know if that kind of behaviour would work for you, since like I said I always knew, I never had that „transition time” when everyone around thought I’m straight so I don’t know if that would work in your situation, theoretically it should but I don’t know, the parents thing makes me worried, mine new since I was a baby, so it’s even hard for me to imagine how parents might not notice and what I’d do if they didn’t, but as for friends I can’t see why someone should be making a big deal from telling each and every of their friends and acquaintance, who they like, straight people don’t why would we? (Unless of course someone wants to and feels they need that kind of „revelation” for various reasons). Just you know, thought I’d show you that there is that option as well