How do I tell him how I feel?

[MysteryGuest]

I didn't want to call because this is something I wanted to do in person. Calling seems less personal, plus I want to be able to read his facial expressions and body language and what not. I like talking in person for things that are important.

Still though, you guys are right. I think I'm just overthinking this. And actually, he left something at my house recently so it may be easier than I originally thought to get him back here alone.

Thanks again for your advice and good wishes.

[justbry87]

What I meant was to give him a call and ask him to meet up in private.

and see he left something over your house. It's probably just another
opportunity given by the Universe to take action if you so choose to.

[MysteryGuest]

Well, I did it. My friend came back to my house after a party, and after my roomates went to sleep I was able to tell him over a few beers.

His answer was that he liked me too...but he felt that he was incapable of being intimate with another man. He believes that this is because of the strict religious environment he was raised in (not that he's religious today, he's a staunch atheist like me). He said he had sort of tried it before but couldn't get aroused. He acknowledges that there is nothing logical about his inability to be with a guy, and that he'd change if he could. He also mentioned that he had always kind of known how I felt, and even that some of his previous girlfriends had asked about us.

This was actually sort of what I most expected would happen, so I was prepared for it, and the actual act of telling him was not as bad as I thought it would be (I'm sure the beer helped). What I wasn't prepared for, however, was how terrible hearing "sorry I'm straight" right from the horse's mouth would make me feel. I feel heartbroken that this can't work out even though we both like each other. I feel jealous whenever I see him with a girl. I feel enraged that he made joking passes at me in the past now that I know he suspected I had feelings for him (I doubt he knows how much that hurts). But possibly most damning of all, I still feel like I love him, and I'm not even positive he knows that...he seemed to think that I was just asking for sex.

I feel all of these things whenever I'm with him, and it's ripping me apart. It was bad before, but now that I know for sure there's no chance it is somehow even worse. All I want to do is hold him in my arms, but I'm fairly certain that would not be met well. He told me that he hoped this wouldn't make me want to avoid him and I said it wouldn't...but now I'm not so sure I can take it. He is the only person I've ever loved, he is who I want to be with, and to see that within arms reach without the possibility of obtaining it, or worse, to see him in the arms of another...it's torture.

I hope that I can get over this. I want nothing more than to rip out the part of me that cares for him and let it die, but I have no idea how to do that, or if it's even possible. I'm angry at how unfair this whole situation is. Unfair that he likes me, but can't love me. Unfair that I can't be near him without feeling miserable, something that I expect will strain or even destroy our friendship, depending on how long it lasts. Unfair that my first love is...this, and who knows when I'll get another one. It took a good 26 years to find this one, after all.

Anyway...sorry for my emo high schooler rant. I guess this is how the story ends.

[Pix]

Sorry I missed this until now, and far more sorry that this turned out bad. And unfortunately you've known this guy for 10 years and as a general rule I've noticed it takes an equal amount of time of being in love with someone to actually get over it when it's over. So if you've been pining for this guy for years (even if at a subconscious level) then it could take years before it doesn't hurt anymore. :frown:

I went through a really bad heartbreak once. What got me through it was creative works (though I made a lot of stupid mistakes on my fiction that I didn't catch until later which I think shows I was distracted) and being with others who liked having me around (though sometimes I just had to be alone). The dreams were the worst, how she kept showing up in them (I think I'd have gotten over it a lot faster if it hadn't been for that, but then maybe the dreams were just a sign I hadn't gotten through it...). Nevertheless, it was a moment in time that past...eventually.

Pets can work wonders to, if you have them.

You're such an optimistic person, however, that I do have faith that you'll recover. Wishing you the best!

[justbry87]

I am happy that you told him. I know that sounds kind of lame, but
in the long run you are better for it!

Trust, I know what you're going through right now and it feels like
the inside of where you heart was, is just this weird hollow spot in
your body.

But then you ask, "Why do I feel like this, we didn't even date!?"

It's cause it still hurts no matter how you put it. Love is love, and
heartache is heartache. [damn, am I channeling Pat Benatar? hehe]

And I know how you feel about the whole seeing him date or be
around girls. It's like, "I can be so much better than her!" or
"I will never treat you like the way she does..!" I think for me that was
the hardest part as well. I just couldn't understand why he couldn't
see that I'm here, that I can give so much more.

But you just have to realize that he's a straight guy and as people
we don't have the power or the ability to change what someones
preference is no matter how much effort we put into it.

With time, this too will pass. You'll get over him, I just hope that
since everything is out in the open now, he'll realize what a good
friend he has in you.

You did something I could never do though. So my hat is off to you sir :]

[MysteryGuest]

Thank you Pix. I certainly will recover from this. My faith in humanity and the future is still very strong, and I'm sure I will be able to shrug off this funk eventually. I just hope I won't have to stop seeing my friend in order to do so.

It's worth it to note that even though I'm feeling pretty down about how this turned out, I still think that telling him was the right thing to do. So thanks again to those who helped give me the courage to do so.

[Ryocchi]

All I wish to do right now is give you a big comforing hug, been there, done that, know how it feels, I'm glad that at least your friend cares for you, hope it gets better for you soon =)

[MysteryGuest]

Thanks. I could certainly use a hug right about now.