Oh LOL oh LOL oh LOL Having a whale of a time

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The Whales' Revenge
A male and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.

He said to the female whale, "Let's both swim under the ship and blow out our air holes at the same time. It should cause that ship to turn over and sink."

They tried it and sure enough, the whaling ship quickly capsized and sank. Soon, however, the whales realized that the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming for the shore's safety.

The male whale was so enraged that they were getting away that he told the female, "Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."

At this point, the female whale was becoming reluctant to follow after him.

"Look," she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow any seamen!"

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For their 25th wedding anniversary, a man and his wife go to the same hotel suite they honeymooned in.

As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you that night, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was fuck your brains out and suck your titties dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked him, "And, what are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks like I did a pretty good job."

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A man's doctor told him that masturbating before sex often helps a man last longer during the act. So the man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it."

He spent the rest of the day thinking about where he could masturbate. He certainly couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open to interruption. He considered an alley, but decided that it was too unsafe.

Finally, he came to a solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with his privacy, he undid his pants and started stroking his knob as the cars whizzed by.

He closed his eyes thinking about his lover. Just as he was about to cum, he felt a quick tug on the leg of his pants. Not wanting to lose his sexual fantasy or his orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and yelled, "What?"

"This is the police," he heard. "What's going on down there?"

Lost in his ecstasy, the man replied with eyes closed, "I'm checking out the rear axle. It's busted."

"Well," said the policeman, "you might as well check your brakes while you're down there, too, because your truck rolled down the hill about 5 minutes ago."

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This is a story about a popular young Baptist preacher, who on Sunday morning announces to the congregation that he will not renew his contract and is moving on to a larger congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush. No one wants him to leave.

Bubba, who owns several car dealerships, stands up and announces, "If the preacher stays, I'll provide him with a new sedan every year, and his lovely wife with a minivan, to transport their children!" The congregation sighs, and applauds.

Billy Bob, the entrepreneur and investor, stands and says, "If the preacher stays, I'll double his salary, and establish a foundation to guarantee the college education of his children!!" More sighs and applause.

Ms. Ella May, age 70, stands and announces, "If the preacher stays, I'll give him SEX!!"

There is a hush. The preacher, blushing, asks, "Ms. Ella May, whatever possessed you to say that?" Ms. Ella May answers, "I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, .... 'Fuck him'!"