How can I explain this guy I don't want him to be my boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

I’m 29 years old man and I’ve a little problem. Half a year ago I broke up with my boyfriend and now I feel like I’m ready to fall in love again. I started to visit some gay clubs and one evening I met this guy that I can’t get rid of. I’m looking for a man who would be about 40 - 50 years old, definitely not younger than 30. I never date guys younger than myself, that’s my preference. They are so childish, inexperienced, immature and I'm not going to be a nanny for anyone. This guy I met is just 21 and surely he doesn’t stand a chance. But he doesn’t seem to understand it. I guess he likes me. That evening in the club he stayed by my side all evening although I told him I’m not interested. He accompanied me home, telling me about himself all the time, so in the end I gave him my phone number just to get rid of him.

After that we’ve met some more times. On the one hand he’s quite nice, cute, optimistic and talkative, but on the other he’s so young, too young. In my eyes he’s a child. He doesn’t understand why would I want a 40 years old grandfather, he says he'll be very good boyfriend for me. And I don’t know how to explain to him that so young guys are not my thing, I want a real, mature man. But I would like him to be my friend. Should I try to talk with him or should I just stop seeing him?

[Tulloni]

Send the young man my way! I like guys in their early 20s (I probably won't get any though given I am 28). Yeah you get people like that in clubs. I have the opposite problem. I get these creeps in their 40s and 50s hounding me non-stop. No offence to people that age intended, I like most guys in their 40s and 50s and I usually get on well with them but only as people to talk to. I am not interested in them that way yet these particular few keep hounding me and a couple of them have pissed me off to the point I felt like getting aggressive with them. A bunch of idiots not acting their age.

As for the kid, just tell him firmly that he isn't your type. It's hard to shake these people sometimes, I know all about that!

[HomeagainNYC]

It would appear that you are giving him mixed signals:

although I told him I’m not interested. He accompanied me home

Nothing say's/implies - I'm not interested quite like:

I gave him my phone number just to get rid of him.

You say you want a mature man - then you be mature - tell him directly; you're not interested in a relationship only a friendship. Make yourself completely clear - don't continue with mixed signals and don't leave the door cracked either.

There is no need to be unkind but there is a need to be clear.

A though: you might consider dropping all the superlatives about age when you talk to him.

[Anonymous]

i would not consider a partner outside a 10year range, but thats me. A 20year old could be too young.

" ... After that we’ve met some more times. On the one hand he’s quite nice, cute, optimistic and talkative ... "
love takes weird paths into our lives tho. He sounds nice. Your bad to have seen him several times, are you certain your rules apply in this case?


anyway your question is how to say good by:
talk to him, say you dont want to see him. From what you posted he seems to needy to function as a friend.


whatever, my opinion, welcome to gayspeak

Yes, I'm certain. My rules apply every time. It's just sad he doesn't understand it.

[Shiner]

I understand your pain, but maybe talk to him a little bit and see how he is mentally, unless it is the physical side that is also a turn-off.

From my perspective, I've met a lot of level headed mature people in the 22-30 age range. And I have also met a lot of complete children in the 30+ range that somehow have survived society without a mother.

edit: as for the friends situation, give it a short time. If he doesn't seem to have anything but a one-track mind for being your boyfriend he won't make a great friend.

[Ryocchi]

Generalizing isn't pretty, not all 20/21 are inmature, childish or inexperienced, and sorry to break your bubble but not all of the men around 40/50 aren't the example of maturity, I've met quite a few guys around this age who are oh so charming but still chasing their lost youthness, and guess what, they are most of the single dudes, the mature and level headed are already in a relationship, that's not to say that is the general rule, but in my personal experience it is, and even so, mature guys usually look for people alike, the way you threated this guy wasn't the best way to do it, you shouldn't have given him your number much less let him accompany home, so my little bit of advice would be to reevaluate yourself and decide what you trully want because the message I got reading your post is that you don't want to nanny a 21 years old guy because you want to be nannied and taken care of by a 40/50 year old man which is quite alright if that's wht you want, but guys who want to be a "daddy-boyfriend" usually look for younger guys than you so...

[Anonymous]

Generalizing isn't pretty, not all 20/21 are inmature, childish or inexperienced, and sorry to break your bubble but not all of the men around 40/50 aren't the example of maturity, I've met quite a few guys around this age who are oh so charming but still chasing their lost youthness, and guess what, they are most of the single dudes, the mature and level headed are already in a relationship, that's not to say that is the general rule, but in my personal experience it is, and even so, mature guys usually look for people alike, the way you threated this guy wasn't the best way to do it, you shouldn't have given him your number much less let him accompany home, so my little bit of advice would be to reevaluate yourself and decide what you trully want because the message I got reading your post is that you don't want to nanny a 21 years old guy because you want to be nannied and taken care of by a 40/50 year old man which is quite alright if that's wht you want, but guys who want to be a "daddy-boyfriend" usually look for younger guys than you so...

No, you're mistaken, I don't want to be nannied and I don't need a daddy-boyfriend. I can take care of myself perfectly. And I want to be together with a person who can do the same thing. This guy is a student, still living on the money of his parents and probaby looking for a sponsor or something.