I have serious issues..

[Tyrion]

Hey everyone

So I've come to the conclusion that I have serious issues..

This is my problem: I know I'm gay.. I've known this for a long time, but I can't bring myself to come out to anyone. In a way, I feel like I'm still in my own sort of denial. I'm fine admitting it online, but when it comes to my friends and family.. no one knows (or least, knows for sure).

I even have a few gay friends in real life who I haven't come out to. For whatever reason, every-time I feel like wanting to.. I can't. I really have no idea why this is...

Could anyone give me any suggestions or insight?

I honestly feel like I'm depressed because of this.. because I feel like I'm hiding a part of myself that shouldn't be hidden. I see nothing wrong with being gay at all.. yet I can't bring myself to just be myself..

[Vigilias]

You say that you see nothing wrong with being gay.

Maybe we should start with that. You see nothing wrong with being gay but do you feel that the people you want to come out to may?

You also say that you feel you're in some sort of denial, that you feel you're hiding a part of your self that shouldn't be hidden, yet you can't bring yourself to be your self.

It's as though you're stuck. What's blocking you?

[Wade]

You're comfortable with who you are on a personal level, but you're not comfortable with how you might be seen by others? Did I get that right?

You gotta strip away the importance you're placing on your friends... or at least their opinion of you. This might sound somewhat misanthropic, but who gives a flying fuck what your friends and family think? Your life is not theirs (and guess what... from personal experience I can say that the fact that you prefer men over women is a far more important and a much bigger deal to you than it is to anyone who knows you!).

And there's nothing wrong with you. Coming out is fucking terrifying. The unknown is terrifying. The familiar is comforting, no matter how unhealthy we know it may be for us. It's safe. But who wants to die having led a safe life? I can't even imagine how many people die in their very old age without having ever come out of the closet. We'll never know, I guess. Isn't that a miserable thought? How sad. Well guess what, it's preventable!

Just tell people you're gay. It's not a big deal and all you're doing is making yourself sick over an idea.

[Tyrion]

You're comfortable with who you are on a personal level, but you're not comfortable with how you might be seen by others? Did I get that right?

I think that's a big part of it. My best friend of over 20 years is in many ways homophobic.. and one side of my family is highly religious (catholic). I do feel comfortable with who I am (I think).. and I want to be happy.. but I think I'm just terrified of coming out. I'm afraid some of my friends will think differently of me.. I guess.. or even worse.

You gotta strip away the importance you're placing on your friends... or at least their opinion of you. This might sound somewhat misanthropic, but who gives a flying fuck what your friends and family think? Your life is not theirs (and guess what... from personal experience I can say that the fact that you prefer men over women is a far more important and a much bigger deal to you than it is to anyone who knows you!).

And there's nothing wrong with you. Coming out is fucking terrifying. The unknown is terrifying. The familiar is comforting, no matter how unhealthy we know it may be for us. It's safe. But who wants to die having led a safe life? I can't even imagine how many people die in their very old age without having ever come out of the closet. We'll never know, I guess. Isn't that a miserable thought? How sad. Well guess what, it's preventable!

Just tell people you're gay. It's not a big deal and all you're doing is making yourself sick over an idea.

You're seriously right. I'm going to try to tell some people in the next few days.. at least a few of my friends. I feel like I'm constantly trying to hide a part of myself.. and it isn't healthy. Something happened over the weekend that really told me that I need to come out... and I think it's really been long enough that I've kept it to myself. Thank you for your response, it was very helpful.

[NerdyGiant23]

Best wishes on telling some of your friends, and know that there will always be friends out there that will love and accept you for being you

[mbennet35]

When I came out to my friends all of them were 100 percent supportive. Which make me feel good and happier. Good luck and I am always here if you need to talk.

[Shiner]

wait till it feels right.

I don't think I will ever tell my parents. But I am not that close with them about relationships and sex and the like. If I had a BF that I loved, it would be inevitable... but for now it is not anyones business unless they ask me.

[elad12]

I started by picking 2 of my gay friends, a couple (I don't think any of my gay friends had a clue I was gay). We met for breakfast and went for a walk which is when I told them. It was hard for me to get the words out but once I did it felt like a great weight was gone from my life. I then told all my gay friends. It was easy after the first time. I then told my family and my late wife's family via a private video I made. Now I just tell people on a "if I feel like it" feeling. I was 60, living in a small community not unlike the one you live in and although at this point I pretty much don't really care who knows, I also don't have the time or energy to tell everyone I come across. If anyone ever asks, which hasn't happened I'd have no trouble being truthful.

[MisterTinkles]

I can guarantee you, somebody in your family knows YOU. They are not all brain dead idiots are they? (no offense, just making a point) And that person has spoken to others about it.

This probably bothers you more than it does them. WHY does this bother you, is what you have to find out.

You are you. Why is this even an issue? What if everybody in your family had black hair and you were the only blonde? Or everybody in your family had a birthmark that looked like Garfield and you didnt?

Why should they care? Does it affect them? No.
So youre the only blonde in the family with no Garfield shaped birthmark. Do you think they are going to hate you for that? No.

You are just you, being who you are. You havent tried to play at being a brunette or drawing in a fake Garfield birthmark. They love you for you being you.

People pick up on things. Some people even have "empathic" abilities....aka "readers". Someone in your family can read you, and has. Most times it is the mother, but it can be anyone.

Im sure what you consider a "normal" action in your life, because you are gay.......they have seen time and time again and know that this is why that is a "normal" action to you, even though it is not "normal" to them. Does that make sense?

If they have a problem with gay people, then thats THEIR problem, not yours.

Heres a little personal story about me, if you had not seen it on other threads.....

I have always been ME. I have never pretended to be anybody else, I have never acted like I was somebody else. I never even knew there was a name for it until I was 13 years old, reading about the gay riots in New York. I looked up the work "homosexual" and discovered that I was different.

I read books on the subject, articles, stories, and such. Come to find out by societies standards I was not "normal". But I felt that all this was bullshit. Which it was and still is. (the fact that this segregates people, because your personal mate preference has no bearing on anyone else)

This opened my eyes a bit more to the world, but it did not change who I was. I was still me, being me.
If you like me, you like me for the person I am, not what personal traits I have that are none of anybodys business. By human ethical standards, I was normal. I wasnt a murderer, rapist, thief, pedophile, or politician. I didnt do drugs, I didnt sell drugs, I didnt do anything that was considered detrimental to the human existence. So I knew there was nothing wrong with me. If anybody had a problem, it was THEIR problem/stupidity, not mine.

I come from a very rednecked, southern family. But yet, nobody had ever treated me differently than anyone else.

When I was in my mid 40's one of my Uncles asked me "are you gay"? I said yes. He said "yeah, we always knew, but didnt know for sure". And that was that.

So, everybody in my family knew me. Even being rednecked, they werent stupid. But they knew ME - a hard worker, someone who helped others when in need, someone who believes in decency, honesty, and has ethics to their life. Not some "gay" guy who had to be preaching it to everybody.

They know me, and dont care. Because they know ME. They dont need me "coming out of the closet" singing Julie Andrews songs and spinning around in a tiara and cape. They know thats not who I am.

Just be you. Decent humans dont care who you date, as long as it isnt detrimental to your existence.


Have I confused you now, my little tatertot??

[Tyrion]

You haven't confused me. You make a lot of sense really. Actually, I find most of your posts either enlightening or entertaining (and your signature picture is awesome.. lol).

Seriously though thank you all for your responses ..