I have serious issues..

[southbiochem]

You're not crazy nor alone in this ride.

I'm exactly like you, minus the gay friends, just one gay sort-of-friend. I have a heavey crush on him and at some point he liked me back, while only suspecting I was gay. Guess what, I didn't tell him...not even then. And I should have.

I had the exact same sensation of just not being able to....

For me there is a reason: FEAR. Of what, I don't know. It's not logical nor rational.

It's just....really hard.....I get what you must be thinking in those moments.

Until I come out of this myself I can't be of much help, but I will say this, cause it's what I've been thinking to do: making the gay friend(s in your case) the starting point.

I can imagine it will take a weight off you once you have a tangible support system which may make it easier for you to move on to your immediate family if that's what you want.

Good luck and regards!

[Drew]

Coming out is scary. Are your friends around your age and relatively intelligent? If so, they will probably be open and accepting, but again that's your call.

Your family depends if they are religious or not - I was super worried my parents would reject me because they are older, somewhat conservative immigrants from Central Europe, but they took the news in stride (my mom had no idea, so anyone that says "oh yeah, she knew WAY before you did" has never met my oblivious-if-well-meaning mother!). I again chalk it up to them not being super religious. Now that I think about it, I think my folks are more "libertarian" than "conservative" but whatever.....

Otherwise, is there a LGBT community center near you, someone you can talk to? It may help to come out to other LGBT folks who are caring and there for you first.

But take your time - there's no calendar for when to come out. You'll do it when the time is right for you.

Take care, and good luck!

[Waylon777]

Hmm, you should come out when you are ready. I think that's the best, unless you really need some sort of push. There's not right time, but there is a wrong time. You should also check about your family's opinion on homosexuality. You never know if your parents could accept you being gay, and you certainly don't bad things to happen. So make sure that at least if the worst do happen, you can still be alright. If you are ready to to come out, or maybe want to not hide anymore, start small. You are comfortable in online, so maybe the next stop could to be telling this to one of your really good friends, or one of the gay friends you have. It's always good to know that someone you care about knows. So start small, and get comfortable.

[Sleepyface]

Life's too short to live in fear. It might be easier to come out to your gay friends first.

[matty7]

just tell one person mate - a person you trust to keep it to themselves - now its not a secret eating you up

[Jason74]

I think that you will come out when the time is right and you are comfortable with coming out and you shouldn't feel like you need to rush yourself and do it now, tomorrow, a month from now or a year from now. You do it when its time to do it. I mean I didn't come out until i was like 23 and just served 3 years in the Army and was pretty close to being engaged to a female. Then we broke up and I went to my first gay bar and then the rest is history. It will happen when you are ready....that is just my two cents

[trywait]

there's a time and place for everything; once you become comfortable in your own skin, then you can share with others.

[Tyrion]

Coming out is scary. Are your friends around your age and relatively intelligent? If so, they will probably be open and accepting, but again that's your call.

Your family depends if they are religious or not - I was super worried my parents would reject me because they are older, somewhat conservative immigrants from Central Europe, but they took the news in stride (my mom had no idea, so anyone that says "oh yeah, she knew WAY before you did" has never met my oblivious-if-well-meaning mother!). I again chalk it up to them not being super religious. Now that I think about it, I think my folks are more "libertarian" than "conservative" but whatever.....

Otherwise, is there a LGBT community center near you, someone you can talk to? It may help to come out to other LGBT folks who are caring and there for you first.

But take your time - there's no calendar for when to come out. You'll do it when the time is right for you.

Take care, and good luck!

Sadly there is no LGBT anything over here that I know about.. not even a club at our college or anything =\. It would be so much easier if there were..

That said, my friends are intelligent, but I'm still scared to come out to them. I'm working on it though... slowly.

Thank you all for your responses!

[ardus]

Hmmmmmmmm

I think that we as a community place to large a stake on coming out.

We look at it as an ideal that we should all aspire to.

The simple reality is this.

Some of us are in a place where it makes sense and some of us are not.

Here's where I am.

I've been a Soldier for 12.5 years. I don't make my personal life the business of my peers. If someone asks me, I'll tell the truth, but Idon't need to push it into their face.

Hopefully this makes sense.

Richard

[hirvi7]

I understand where you're coming from. For a long time, I was OK with the "idea" of being gay. I supported gay friends and called out homophobia, but I was still uncomfortable with the idea of "me being gay," not for religious or moral reasons, but more because it didn't fit in with the way I had planned out my life. Maybe it was an OCD thing, "No one shall mess with my well-laid plans, not even me!"

It's always best to come out first to a "safe" friend, someone that you doubt would have a negative reaction. You say you have a couple gay friends, and if you're close enough friends with them, they'd be a natural choice. Hopefully, one or more of them can be trusted not to spread the good news before you're ready. Ask them to be discreet, because you're still processing it.

I'd maybe wait a while before telling that friend you say is somewhat homophobic - it may turn out fine, but having a couple of friends who already know and accept you will give you more confidence when you start widening the circle. But don't do any of it just because you think you "should" in the abstract. You have to be ready, and you have to want it. Coming out can be very liberating, but it's also terrifying because it makes you vulnerable. Cautiously expanding your safety zone is the way to go.